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Portal:A Game Or A Terrorist Recruitment Program?

  HELLTANK-Portal has long been suspected of being more than just a game. Children have been known to repeatedly sing a song called "Still Alive" after finishing the game. However, nothing was ever proven... until now. A concerned parent, John Lionsdale, has spoken out against Valve Corporation, the creators of the game. "My son has been singing a song about cruel research experiments on living human beings!" He shouts angrily, throttling a nearby reporter.
   Psychology expert Charles Ponzi has given his views on the subject in exchange for ten million dollars. "Careful analysis of the lyrics of 'Still Alive' show that it inculcates terrorist values. For example, Islamic terrorists believe that they will be the only ones to go to heaven while everyone else dies, which mimicks some lines in 'Still Alive', including a line that states that the singer will be still alive when the listener is dead. It also includes mentions of humans as test subjects, something that terrorists have experimented with for years."
  The song is supposed to be sung by GLaDOS, an insane robot in the game. Insanity has long been known as an "adult" subject, although the game is designed for children. We interviewed one of the protesters surrounding Valve Corporation's headquarters, Mary Nestle-Hastings. "This game is taking advantage of the panic spread by the recent electronic rebellion on Nicolet, by casting GLaDOS, a rebelling robot, as the main villain, and the singer of the song," she says, impaling the cameraman with her cardboard protest sign as she thrusts around animatedly.
  Valve Corporation spokesman Victor von Drake has publicly denied any association with the radical terrorist group known as the Islamic Action Army. "We... do not have any links with the IAA, and we condemn its actions. The song is merely a sideshow that we thought would fit in nicely with the theme of the game."
  Investigations into the "sublimal messages" of "Still Alive" as continuing, as concerns mount due to the huge flood of 'Still Alive' videos on the popular video-sharing website Youtube.

That was win
But your still dead to me
So it 'twas fail.

helltank wrote:

Portal:A Game Or A Terrorist Recruitment Program?

  HELLTANK-Portal has long been suspected of being more than just a game. Children have been known to repeatedly sing a song called "Still Alive" after finishing the game. However, nothing was ever proven... until now. A concerned parent, John Lionsdale, has spoken out against Valve Corporation, the creators of the game. "My son has been singing a song about cruel research experiments on living human beings!" He shouts angrily, throttling a nearby reporter.
   Psychology expert Charles Ponzi has given his views on the subject in exchange for ten million dollars. "Careful analysis of the lyrics of 'Still Alive' show that it inculcates terrorist values. For example, Islamic terrorists believe that they will be the only ones to go to heaven while everyone else dies, which mimicks some lines in 'Still Alive', including a line that states that the singer will be still alive when the listener is dead. It also includes mentions of humans as test subjects, something that terrorists have experimented with for years."
  The song is supposed to be sung by GLaDOS, an insane robot in the game. Insanity has long been known as an "adult" subject, although the game is designed for children. We interviewed one of the protesters surrounding Valve Corporation's headquarters, Mary Nestle-Hastings. "This game is taking advantage of the panic spread by the recent electronic rebellion on Nicolet, by casting GLaDOS, a rebelling robot, as the main villain, and the singer of the song," she says, impaling the cameraman with her cardboard protest sign as she thrusts around animatedly.
  Valve Corporation spokesman Victor von Drake has publicly denied any association with the radical terrorist group known as the Islamic Action Army. "We... do not have any links with the IAA, and we condemn its actions. The song is merely a sideshow that we thought would fit in nicely with the theme of the game."
  Investigations into the "sublimal messages" of "Still Alive" as continuing, as concerns mount due to the huge flood of 'Still Alive' videos on the popular video-sharing website Youtube.

Nice. I like the Charles Ponzi part 

School lunches: Alive?

  PANDAGUY - Recently, the school board has noticed a dramatic rise of reports claiming that children are seeing their cafeteria food talk or interact with them. Barack Obama has raised special awareness to this matter and many schools are banning cafeteria lunches and requiring students to bring their own food instead.

"This is a matter that must be dealt with," says Amy White, president and CEO of the Child Safety Program.

TIME magazine has issued a new edition raising concern on the matter. They say that cafeteria food should not be trusted and kids should be able to support themselves. They also claim that cafeterias are causing children to hallucinate. However, some students argue against this claim, stating that what they've been seeing is "real as heck".

In one case, student, Richard Miller, reported seeing his lasagna grow eyes and a mouth and began talking to him.

"It was speaking gibberish," Richard says.

The next day, another student, Cathie Brimstone, claimed that her pizza was speaking to her in a heavy French accent. She said she was so panicked, she smashed her pizza, threw it into the trash, and ran outside, screaming to the playground. When the principal arrived, Cathie was too shocked to speak. It wasn't until much later when she finally had the guts to explain what had happened.

"All I can say is, this thing is real and it's out there. Whatever it is, we have to stop it from invading our schools," says Kim Yung, a news-reporter for FOX.

Last edited by PandaGuy (2011-10-05 00:26:02)

Heard about A Modest Proposal?

PandaGuy wrote:

helltank wrote:

What the-did someone get wind of my food mutation program?

No, you're not the only one with ideas.
I have ideas, too.

That just sounded so ZEN

^^ so AWESOME

PandaGuy wrote:

nextstorm wrote:

PandaGuy wrote:

No, you're not the only one with ideas.
I have ideas, too.

That just sounded so ZEN

^^ so AWESOME

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c … ouyang.png

[A thousand lolwut pears]

Do you even know what that word means?