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#1 2011-09-29 19:52:15
My first piece of poetry
I just want you to know this one is cut short because the last sentence or whatever it's called was mildly inappropriate
You have no idea
How you've hurt me
Over the years
Headphones in my ears
You think I can't hear
But I can
Every word you say
Breaks my heart a little
Rips it into pieces
Until
There's nothing left
And yet, you keep going on
I despise you
And I always will
It will never change
I'd like a critique on this please 
It's my first piece.
Here's the whole thing on dA
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#3 2011-09-29 19:55:57
Re: My first piece of poetry
kimmy123 wrote:
I like it.
Sorry I only said that.
I think I'm bad at criticizing.
Thanks
Lol, it's OK. Thanks for the fave on it
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#4 2011-09-29 19:56:37
- videogame9
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2008-05-12
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Re: My first piece of poetry
That looks like a hugely overused style of poem.
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#5 2011-09-29 19:58:08
Re: My first piece of poetry
videogame9 wrote:
That looks like a hugely overused style of poem.
Well I suck at poetry so
I know lol. I'm not the best poet, and that's the format/style/toaster/whatever you call it I've always used
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#6 2011-09-29 19:59:02
- videogame9
- Scratcher
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- Posts: 1000+
Re: My first piece of poetry
imnotbob wrote:
videogame9 wrote:
That looks like a hugely overused style of poem.
Well I suck at poetry so
I know lol. I'm not the best poet, and that's the format/style/toaster/whatever you call it I've always used
It sounds like lyrics for a song on the radio.
QUOTE OF THE RIGHT NOW: why are we arguing about dead babies? -videogame9
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#7 2011-09-29 20:00:48
Re: My first piece of poetry
videogame9 wrote:
imnotbob wrote:
videogame9 wrote:
That looks like a hugely overused style of poem.
Well I suck at poetry so
I know lol. I'm not the best poet, and that's the format/style/toaster/whatever you call it I've always usedIt sounds like lyrics for a song on the radio.
Yeah, yeah, I know
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#8 2011-09-29 20:08:35
- videogame9
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2008-05-12
- Posts: 1000+
Re: My first piece of poetry
imnotbob wrote:
videogame9 wrote:
imnotbob wrote:
Well I suck at poetry so
I know lol. I'm not the best poet, and that's the format/style/toaster/whatever you call it I've always usedIt sounds like lyrics for a song on the radio.
Yeah, yeah, I know
NOW, FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
I didn't like the "Go to hell" phrase at the end. I honestly thought the poem was better without it. I would recommend you remove it.
Last edited by videogame9 (2011-09-29 20:09:06)
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#9 2011-09-29 20:10:09
Re: My first piece of poetry
videogame9 wrote:
imnotbob wrote:
videogame9 wrote:
It sounds like lyrics for a song on the radio.Yeah, yeah, I know
NOW, FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
I didn't like the "Go to hell" phrase at the end. I honestly thought the poem was better without it. I would recommend you remove it
I wasn't sure about it
Thanks for your input
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#10 2011-09-29 20:13:57
#13 2011-09-30 05:22:42
Re: My first piece of poetry
Constructive Criticism:Choose a deeper topic.
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#14 2011-09-30 05:24:44
- PlutoIsHades
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- Registered: 2010-10-18
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Re: My first piece of poetry
I really like it! 
Keep on writing poetry!
But yeah, I would suggest removing the last line. Other than that, great job!
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#15 2011-10-16 22:43:01
Re: My first piece of poetry
PlutoIsHades wrote:
I really like it!
But yeah, I would suggest removing the last line. Other than that, great job!
Thanks!
I never did like writing poetry, but I might keep writing now!
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#16 2011-10-16 23:29:24
Re: My first piece of poetry
videogame9 wrote:
imnotbob wrote:
videogame9 wrote:
That looks like a hugely overused style of poem.
Well I suck at poetry so
I know lol. I'm not the best poet, and that's the format/style/toaster/whatever you call it I've always usedIt sounds like lyrics for a song on the radio.
Yeah, that's what I thought
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