Scratch

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-15 20:00:05

I guess it's over.
I'm the only one alive. Everyone. Friends. Family. Enemies. All dead.
A grabbed a rock and whipped it against the brick wall.
I looked around, hoping to find some sort of life, to no avail.
But I did notice the dead body of Richard.
A ran over to him, and found a huge gash, looking like it came from some sort of claw.
I looked at the wall, and finally noticed the words written in blood on it.

LET'S PLAY

I turned around, and saw the mannequin/doll looking thing again. I could see it close for the first time. It had bloodred eyes, and its mouth was full of sharp, long teeth with blood on them.
It peered into my soul, already deciding how to kill me.
It talked in a raspy voice.
"Do you like to play?"

Death_Wish · 2011-09-15 20:01:18

I have an urge to post the lolwut pear, but I'll stay with the O_O

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-15 20:02:10

Death_Wish wrote:
I have an urge to post the lolwut pear, but I'll stay with the O_O

thank you

TheBajeebas · 2011-09-15 20:02:26

creepy

kimmy123 · 2011-09-15 20:02:28

I like it. big_smile

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-15 20:03:43

Thanks.

kimmy123 · 2011-09-15 20:04:13

Off-topic: Your signature kind of makes me think you are rufflebee sometimes. tongue

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-15 20:06:36

How?

Death_Wish · 2011-09-15 20:06:53

-iNetMaster- wrote:
Death_Wish wrote:
I have an urge to post the lolwut pear, but I'll stay with the O_O
thank you

Wait, sorry, I forgot to contribute to the topic.

Good writing, but not really fit for a preview-It reveals too much of the story for a preview, and is kind of weird without knowing the other things. Not like the part where you read, get intrigued, and then read the rest, that's good. The thing is that this isn't really a preview yet-You should make it a little bit longer, and maybe not reveal so much.

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-15 20:07:51

Death_Wish wrote:
-iNetMaster- wrote:
Death_Wish wrote:
I have an urge to post the lolwut pear, but I'll stay with the O_O
thank you
Wait, sorry, I forgot to contribute to the topic.

Good writing, but not really fit for a preview-It reveals too much of the story for a preview, and is kind of weird without knowing the other things. Not like the part where you read, get intrigued, and then read the rest, that's good. The thing is that this isn't really a preview yet-You should make it a little bit longer, and maybe not reveal so much.

True. True.

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-15 20:15:59

Should i finish it?

kimmy123 · 2011-09-15 20:17:35

Yes. big_smile

Death_Wish · 2011-09-15 20:23:25

Nice new sig, by the way. smile
And yes, you should. But you should make that in the middle-You should add more chapters before that.

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-16 19:27:43

Death_Wish wrote:
Nice new sig, by the way.
And yes, you should. But you should make that in the middle-You should add more chapters before that.

That's what i thought. Maybe the main character will die in the end.

helltank · 2011-09-16 19:30:07

It was fairly good up until you revealed it was a mannequin/doll. Way overused.

Try, say, a small child, smiling sweetly up at the main character, and tugging on his hand to go to the playground. That will be creepier.

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-16 19:32:38

helltank wrote:
It was fairly good up until you revealed it was a mannequin/doll. Way overused.

Try, say, a small child, smiling sweetly up at the main character, and tugging on his hand to go to the playground. That will be creepier.

A small child would make the whole story...meh.
No offense, bu im far omre terrrified of my character.
And anyway, in the end, it's actually a puppet/mannequin/doll thing.

Last edited by -iNetMaster- (2011-09-16 19:33:13)

helltank · 2011-09-16 19:34:45

-iNetMaster- wrote:
helltank wrote:
It was fairly good up until you revealed it was a mannequin/doll. Way overused.

Try, say, a small child, smiling sweetly up at the main character, and tugging on his hand to go to the playground. That will be creepier.
A small child would make the whole story...meh.
No offense, bu im far omre terrrified of my character.
And anyway, in the end, it's actually a puppet/mannequin/doll thing.

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-16 19:35:24

helltank wrote:
-iNetMaster- wrote:
helltank wrote:
It was fairly good up until you revealed it was a mannequin/doll. Way overused.

Try, say, a small child, smiling sweetly up at the main character, and tugging on his hand to go to the playground. That will be creepier.
A small child would make the whole story...meh.
No offense, bu im far omre terrrified of my character.
And anyway, in the end, it's actually a puppet/mannequin/doll thing.
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnwk3pCkLM1qzhk18.jpg

Okay. I'm sorry if i dissapointed you.

Scratchthatguys · 2011-09-16 19:38:21

Make it look like a large dog or wolf at first, then say it slowly stands up and reveals bloodred eyes and long, bloodstained fangs.

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-16 19:39:30

Scratchthatguys wrote:
Make it look like a large dog or wolf at first, then say it slowly stands up and reveals bloodred eyes and long, bloodstained fangs.

Maybe....
I was thinking near the end they end up fighting, and the mannequin uses puppets to fight

Wickimen · 2011-09-16 20:15:05

No offense but it's pretty generic
All these horror stories about dolls that want to play

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-16 20:29:57

Wickimen wrote:
No offense but it's pretty generic
All these horror stories about dolls that want to play

Your right.
Its more like a 7 foot tall mannequin, but whatever.

Scratchthatguys · 2011-09-16 21:34:18

Maybe a mutated german shepherd dog? They're HUGE.

And maybe the dog was, like, a scientist's dog and the dog jumped in the way of some experiment to save the scientist, who is the main character's (now dead) dad.

Also, the dog should look like it's been attacked. Scars, wounds and gashes, showing that it's victims struggled while they were killed.

-iNetMaster- · 2011-09-16 21:56:45

Scratchthatguys wrote:
Maybe a mutated german shepherd dog? They're HUGE.

And maybe the dog was, like, a scientist's dog and the dog jumped in the way of some experiment to save the scientist, who is the main character's (now dead) dad.

Also, the dog should look like it's been attacked. Scars, wounds and gashes, showing that it's victims struggled while they were killed.

Yeah...

PandaGuy · 2011-09-16 22:39:05

-iNetMaster- wrote:
I guess it's over.
I'm the only one alive. Everyone. Friends. Family. Enemies. All dead.
A grabbed a rock and whipped it against the brick wall.
I looked around, hoping to find some sort of life, to no avail.
But I did notice the dead body of Richard.
A ran over to him, and found a huge gash, looking like it came from some sort of claw.
I looked at the wall, and finally noticed the words written in blood on it.

LET'S PLAY

I turned around, and saw the mannequin/doll looking thing again. I could see it close for the first time. It had bloodred eyes, and its mouth was full of sharp, long teeth with blood on them.
It peered into my soul, already deciding how to kill me.
It talked in a raspy voice.
"Do you like to play?"

tl;dr
I zoned out on the first, few paragraphs. tongue

Last edited by PandaGuy (2011-09-17 13:58:09)

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#1 2011-09-15 20:00:05

Another preview of my new horror story.

#2 2011-09-15 20:01:18

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#3 2011-09-15 20:02:10

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

Death_Wish wrote:

#4 2011-09-15 20:02:26

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#5 2011-09-15 20:02:28

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#6 2011-09-15 20:03:43

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#7 2011-09-15 20:04:13

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#8 2011-09-15 20:06:36

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#9 2011-09-15 20:06:53

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

-iNetMaster- wrote:

Death_Wish wrote:

#10 2011-09-15 20:07:51

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

Death_Wish wrote:

-iNetMaster- wrote:

Death_Wish wrote:

#11 2011-09-15 20:15:59

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#12 2011-09-15 20:17:35

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#13 2011-09-15 20:23:25

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#14 2011-09-16 19:27:43

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

Death_Wish wrote:

#15 2011-09-16 19:30:07

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#16 2011-09-16 19:32:38

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

helltank wrote:

#17 2011-09-16 19:34:45

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

-iNetMaster- wrote:

helltank wrote:

#18 2011-09-16 19:35:24

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

helltank wrote:

-iNetMaster- wrote:

helltank wrote:

#19 2011-09-16 19:38:21

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#20 2011-09-16 19:39:30

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

Scratchthatguys wrote:

#21 2011-09-16 20:15:05

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#22 2011-09-16 20:29:57

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

Wickimen wrote:

#23 2011-09-16 21:34:18

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

#24 2011-09-16 21:56:45

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

Scratchthatguys wrote:

#25 2011-09-16 22:39:05

Re: Another preview of my new horror story.

-iNetMaster- wrote:

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