Scratch

jfmlove6 wrote:

I reached into the old, ragged bag, pulling out a phone. I had 30
minutes to escape the building, and I needed supplies. They had given
me a bag of some supplies, but it was mainly just regular old stuff you
would find in a women's leathery designer purse. Nothing of much help
to me of course, but I could improvise.
   I dialed the number I had practiced over and over in my head for a
time like this, and now I could NOT forget it. I took a shaky breath
and pressed talk. Like all cell phones, it could text and send voice
messages and such, but like all the people who go to my school, I
learned that the fastest and easiest way to get ahold of someone was
through the regular talking. I stumbled over my new Nikes, perfect
for running in times like this. Then she picked up.
     "Hello?" She asked. I screamed into the phone on my lower-than-
average voice "SUPPLIES." We had rehearsed this in case they did not
give me the right tools, so she knew what to do.

I just wrote this, just playing it as I went along. How do you like it?

EDIT: And NO, I have not revised/edited.

Kinda vague without any context. Pretty good, though.

Last edited by Trekkie210 (2011-09-08 18:27:33)

jfmlove6 wrote:

Trekkie210 wrote:

jfmlove6 wrote:

I reached into the old, ragged bag, pulling out a phone. I had 30
minutes to escape the building, and I needed supplies. They had given
me a bag of some supplies, but it was mainly just regular old stuff you
would find in a women's leathery designer purse. Nothing of much help
to me of course, but I could improvise.
   I dialed the number I had practiced over and over in my head for a
time like this, and now I could NOT forget it. I took a shaky breath
and pressed talk. Like all cell phones, it could text and send voice
messages and such, but like all the people who go to my school, I
learned that the fastest and easiest way to get ahold of someone was
through the regular talking. I stumbled over my new Nikes, perfect
for running in times like this. Then she picked up.
     "Hello?" She asked. I screamed into the phone on my lower-than-
average voice "SUPPLIES." We had rehearsed this in case they did not
give me the right tools, so she knew what to do.

I just wrote this, just playing it as I went along. How do you like it?

EDIT: And NO, I have not revised/edited.

Kinda vague without any context.

I like starting off stories like that.
I'll explain everything in the next chapter.

Oh, good. Just make sure you post the next chapter in the same topic. It peeves me when people start a new topic to add five lines to a story. 

Trekkie210 wrote:

jfmlove6 wrote:

I reached into the old, ragged bag, pulling out a phone. I had 30
minutes to escape the building, and I needed supplies. They had given
me a bag of some supplies, but it was mainly just regular old stuff you
would find in a women's leathery designer purse. Nothing of much help
to me of course, but I could improvise.
   I dialed the number I had practiced over and over in my head for a
time like this, and now I could NOT forget it. I took a shaky breath
and pressed talk. Like all cell phones, it could text and send voice
messages and such, but like all the people who go to my school, I
learned that the fastest and easiest way to get ahold of someone was
through the regular talking. I stumbled over my new Nikes, perfect
for running in times like this. Then she picked up.
     "Hello?" She asked. I screamed into the phone on my lower-than-
average voice "SUPPLIES." We had rehearsed this in case they did not
give me the right tools, so she knew what to do.

I just wrote this, just playing it as I went along. How do you like it?

EDIT: And NO, I have not revised/edited.

Kinda vague without any context. Pretty good, though.

It's good writing, but you shouldn't release the story so early-I don't understand anything.

And jfmlove, when are you adding more chapters?

I write stories as I go along
explain it all in the end

  eg. random people trying to kill a random spy who's only job was to sit at a cafe all day drinking coffee for no apperent reason...
exept that they have mutant powers

jfmlove6 wrote:

I reached into the old, ragged bag, pulling out a phone. I had 30
minutes to escape the building, and I needed supplies. They had given
me a bag of some supplies, but it was mainly just regular old stuff you
would find in a women's leathery designer purse. Nothing of much help
to me of course, but I could improvise.
   I dialed the number I had practiced over and over in my head for a
time like this, and now I could NOT forget it. I took a shaky breath
and pressed talk. Like all cell phones, it could text and send voice
messages and such, but like all the people who go to my school, I
learned that the fastest and easiest way to get ahold of someone was
through the regular talking. I stumbled over my new Nikes, perfect
for running in times like this. Then she picked up.
     "Hello?" She asked. I screamed into the phone on my lower-than-
average voice "SUPPLIES." We had rehearsed this in case they did not
give me the right tools, so she knew what to do.

I just wrote this, just playing it as I went along. How do you like it?

EDIT: And NO, I have not revised/edited.

Amazing story!  Please write more!

jfmlove6 wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

I write stories as I go along
explain it all in the end

  eg. random people trying to kill a random spy who's only job was to sit at a cafe all day drinking coffee for no apperent reason...
exept that they have mutant powers

Actually this story is about a spy.

Cool. My guess was spy-in-training. A school for spies sort of thing

Bumpify.