Scratch

spongebob123 wrote:

banana500 wrote:

For some reason, this reminds me of Ender's Game...

Is that good?

calebxy wrote:

Here's my story so far: "William ducked behind a crate as a laser shot past his head."
I know, not much, but give me time! 

Like it so far!     

PlutoIsHades wrote:

calebxy wrote:

Here's my story so far: "William ducked behind a crate as a laser shot past his head."
I know, not much, but give me time! 

Like it so far!     

Thanks! 

calebxy wrote:

helltank wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Like it so far!     

"Willaim hunkered behind the worn wooden crate as a crimson beam flashed past" would be a better opening, IMHO.

Too much description is not needed. That wouldn't fit in with my style (which is what it you be like throughout the book, since I'm writing it).

Not true. A story needs to have substance. If it was a real book, which would you rather have:

"Bob walked down the street to the store."

                        -OR-

"Bob shuffled slowly down the sidewalk to the corner where the general store sat."

Last edited by Trekkie210 (2011-09-08 08:34:46)

Trekkie210 wrote:

calebxy wrote:

helltank wrote:

"Willaim hunkered behind the worn wooden crate as a crimson beam flashed past" would be a better opening, IMHO.

Too much description is not needed. That wouldn't fit in with my style (which is what it you be like throughout the book, since I'm writing it).

Not true. A story needs to have substance. If it was a real book, which would you rather have:

"Bob walked down the street to the store."

                        -OR-

"Bob shuffled slowly down the sidewalk to the corner where the general store sat."

I never said no description was needed, but too much isn't needed.

Well, this is all I've written so far:


William ducked behind a crate as a laser shot past his head. The crate was actually an armoured computer, with information stored on it. There was a small screen on the front. He opened up a flap on the armour on his wrist, and he held it next to the screen on the crate. Within a second, the information was downloaded onto the mini computer in the armour.

Suddenly, a small, round object landed on the ground in front of him. It was an EMP grenade!

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Trekkie210 wrote:

calebxy wrote:

Too much description is not needed. That wouldn't fit in with my style (which is what it you be like throughout the book, since I'm writing it).

Not true. A story needs to have substance. If it was a real book, which would you rather have:

"Bob walked down the street to the store."

                        -OR-

"Bob shuffled slowly down the sidewalk to the corner where the general store sat."

The second option, but you're not the author of caleb's story.  He is.  I'm like him, I don't explain too much, and I'm not very good at elaborating for paragraphs and paragraphs and paragraphs...
Don't criticize his story.  He's barely begun.  Give him a chance.

You're very nice.    Thank you. 

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Trekkie210 wrote:

calebxy wrote:

Too much description is not needed. That wouldn't fit in with my style (which is what it you be like throughout the book, since I'm writing it).

Not true. A story needs to have substance. If it was a real book, which would you rather have:

"Bob walked down the street to the store."

                        -OR-

"Bob shuffled slowly down the sidewalk to the corner where the general store sat."

The second option, but you're not the author of caleb's story.  He is.  I'm like him, I don't explain too much, and I'm not very good at elaborating for paragraphs and paragraphs and paragraphs...
Don't criticize his story.  He's barely begun.  Give him a chance.

It's called a suggestion? Or do you take everything as a personal attack?

Last edited by Trekkie210 (2011-09-08 17:04:08)

calebxy wrote:

helltank wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Like it so far!     

"Willaim hunkered behind the worn wooden crate as a crimson beam flashed past" would be a better opening, IMHO.

Too much description is not needed. That wouldn't fit in with my style (which is what it you be like throughout the book, since I'm writing it).

Ehh, "hunkered"? Not quite the word. My suggestion inside:
"William quickly dropped himself behind a crate as a [insert color] laser shot past his head."

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Wickimen wrote:

calebxy wrote:

Too much description is not needed. That wouldn't fit in with my style (which is what it you be like throughout the book, since I'm writing it).

Ehh, "hunkered"? Not quite the word. My suggestion inside:
"William quickly dropped himself behind a crate as a [insert color] laser shot past his head."

Dictionary definition:
"Hunker: take shelter in a defensive position."
Please nobody tell me I'm too truculent.  I know that already.

Yeah, I know, but it just doesn't sound right to me for some reason

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Wickimen wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Dictionary definition:
"Hunker: take shelter in a defensive position."
Please nobody tell me I'm too truculent.  I know that already.

Yeah, I know, but it just doesn't sound right to me for some reason

Lol, that's not even what caleb wrote! 
Hahahaha!

But I already knew that
You know what nevermind -_-

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Trekkie210 wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

The second option, but you're not the author of caleb's story.  He is.  I'm like him, I don't explain too much, and I'm not very good at elaborating for paragraphs and paragraphs and paragraphs...
Don't criticize his story.  He's barely begun.  Give him a chance.

It's called a suggestion? Or do you take everything as a personal attack?

Um...a suggestion when he hasn't had time to edit and rewrite yet?  When caleb's one paragraph into the story?
And yes, I do like to argue.  It's called standing your ground and speaking up for someone.

"Speaking up for him"? Are you implying I'm harassing them?! If you have something against me, say it.

Last edited by Trekkie210 (2011-09-08 17:56:13)