Scratch

Now I shall show you the true power of a masterful writer! Watch this simple anecdote get transformed, before your shocked eyes, into an eldtritch abomination that will destroy everything you have every seen, known, loved and hated! (Except Cthulhu)
~xoxOxox~
  I knew it was a bad day when I woke up one hour later than usual. Apparently, a few degrees wrong when setting your alarm clock, and suddenly you fast forward in time for one whole hour. Wasted. All wasted.
  Moe and Jerry were out, bothering other kids in a park somewhere. I felt sorry for the other kids, but at least they weren't pestering me. Dad was already out to work. For what? If I were a bank accountant, I would be late for work every chance I got. He functioned as a human calculator, for heaven's sake!
  Mom, as usual, slept late too. She was up about a minute earlier than me, and was frying bacon in a pan when I walked in. "G' morning!" I yawned, as a plate of steaming bacon skidded across the wooden table, nearly overturned as it hit a bump and slid right in front of me, like in the movies.
  "Good morning to you too, sleepyhead."
  How does she always manage to keep a straight face? I supress a giggle and wolf down my bacon, then drain my glass of milk and bring everything to the basin. My dull mind was refusing to function again. Ugh.
  Tap. On. Soap. Squirt. Sponge. Scrub. Spongebob Squarepants dances into my mind, but I tell him to get out. Wash. Wash. Wash. Good. Dishes. Put. Away. Yawn.
  I walk into the living room, and suddenly my face lights up and my sense become hyperalert. The beautiful machine of glory, the epic computer is there. I boot it up-3.5 minutes according to my watch, and like it said on the manual, not a second later-and double click on the Internet Explorer icon.
  After a few seconds of impatient waiting, it finally pops up. "I need Firefox," I mumble, as I stab in the required URL. Wait, what? Internet Explorer was unable to open the webpage? I type in another URL. Google's unavailable too. Aww, man. The internet's down.
  I checked and double checked everything. Yes, it was set to online mode. Yes, the wireless network was connected. Oh, god. It's the router.
  "Mom!"
  "Yes, honey?"
  "The router's down."
  "Okay, coming!"
  She came over and looked at the router.
  "It looks fine to me."
  "It's down, I tell you. We need to go to Comet."
  "Yeah, yeah, okay."
  We trampled down the stairs. I walked into our ultra-cool, jet black car and strapped up. Mom started up the engine and off we went.
  Thirteen very boring miles filled occasionally by a failed attempt at small talk, we arrived at a Comet. Let's see... wireless routers... wireless routers.... aha! There we go... I grabbed the thing and handed over $59.
  We drove back home, and I plugged it up. Sure enough, the internet was fine and dandy again. I was in the middle of an exciting game marathon when the door burst open and Dad strode in.
  "Hi dad," I waved.
  "Hey! What's up?"
  "Uh... we bought a new router?"
  "What? Why?"
  "The router broke. We can't access the internet."
  His jaw dropped to the ground, bounced a few times, then sprouted wings and flapped hard, finally managing to fly back up to "open-mouthed" state.
  "The village internet was down! There was nothing wrong with our old router!"
  And then I witnessed an amazing change. A homo sapiens suddenly, and without warning, transforming into a bull on its hind legs. I felt like that guy in Transformers when he saw his yellow car become a mecha destroyer. Then I looked down at my ironically red shirt.
  Oops.

helltank wrote:

Now I shall show you the true power of a masterful writer! Watch this simple anecdote get transformed, before your shocked eyes, into an eldtritch abomination that will destroy everything you have every seen, known, loved and hated! (Except Cthulhu)
~xoxOxox~
  I knew it was a bad day when I woke up one hour later than usual. Apparently, a few degrees wrong when setting your alarm clock, and suddenly you fast forward in time for one whole hour. Wasted. All wasted.
  Moe and Jerry were out, bothering other kids in a park somewhere. I felt sorry for the other kids, but at least they weren't pestering me. Dad was already out to work. For what? If I were a bank accountant, I would be late for work every chance I got. He functioned as a human calculator, for heaven's sake!
  Mom, as usual, slept late too. She was up about a minute earlier than me, and was frying bacon in a pan when I walked in. "G' morning!" I yawned, as a plate of steaming bacon skidded across the wooden table, nearly overturned as it hit a bump and slid right in front of me, like in the movies.
  "Good morning to you too, sleepyhead."
  How does she always manage to keep a straight face? I supress a giggle and wolf down my bacon, then drain my glass of milk and bring everything to the basin. My dull mind was refusing to function again. Ugh.
  Tap. On. Soap. Squirt. Sponge. Scrub. Spongebob Squarepants dances into my mind, but I tell him to get out. Wash. Wash. Wash. Good. Dishes. Put. Away. Yawn.
  I walk into the living room, and suddenly my face lights up and my sense become hyperalert. The beautiful machine of glory, the epic computer is there. I boot it up-3.5 minutes according to my watch, and like it said on the manual, not a second later-and double click on the Internet Explorer icon.
  After a few seconds of impatient waiting, it finally pops up. "I need Firefox," I mumble, as I stab in the required URL. Wait, what? Internet Explorer was unable to open the webpage? I type in another URL. Google's unavailable too. Aww, man. The internet's down.
  I checked and double checked everything. Yes, it was set to online mode. Yes, the wireless network was connected. Oh, god. It's the router.
  "Mom!"
  "Yes, honey?"
  "The router's down."
  "Okay, coming!"
  She came over and looked at the router.
  "It looks fine to me."
  "It's down, I tell you. We need to go to Comet."
  "Yeah, yeah, okay."
  We trampled down the stairs. I walked into our ultra-cool, jet black car and strapped up. Mom started up the engine and off we went.
  Thirteen very boring miles filled occasionally by a failed attempt at small talk, we arrived at a Comet. Let's see... wireless routers... wireless routers.... aha! There we go... I grabbed the thing and handed over $59.
  We drove back home, and I plugged it up. Sure enough, the internet was fine and dandy again. I was in the middle of an exciting game marathon when the door burst open and Dad strode in.
  "Hi dad," I waved.
  "Hey! What's up?"
  "Uh... we bought a new router?"
  "What? Why?"
  "The router broke. We can't access the internet."
  His jaw dropped to the ground, bounced a few times, then sprouted wings and flapped hard, finally managing to fly back up to "open-mouthed" state.
  "The village internet was down! There was nothing wrong with our old router!"
  And then I witnessed an amazing change. A homo sapiens suddenly, and without warning, transforming into a bull on its hind legs. I felt like that guy in Transformers when he saw his yellow car become a mecha destroyer. Then I looked down at my ironically red shirt.
  Oops.

i like that version better.

Stickman704 wrote:

helltank wrote:

Now I shall show you the true power of a masterful writer! Watch this simple anecdote get transformed, before your shocked eyes, into an eldtritch abomination that will destroy everything you have every seen, known, loved and hated! (Except Cthulhu)
~xoxOxox~
  I knew it was a bad day when I woke up one hour later than usual. Apparently, a few degrees wrong when setting your alarm clock, and suddenly you fast forward in time for one whole hour. Wasted. All wasted.
  Moe and Jerry were out, bothering other kids in a park somewhere. I felt sorry for the other kids, but at least they weren't pestering me. Dad was already out to work. For what? If I were a bank accountant, I would be late for work every chance I got. He functioned as a human calculator, for heaven's sake!
  Mom, as usual, slept late too. She was up about a minute earlier than me, and was frying bacon in a pan when I walked in. "G' morning!" I yawned, as a plate of steaming bacon skidded across the wooden table, nearly overturned as it hit a bump and slid right in front of me, like in the movies.
  "Good morning to you too, sleepyhead."
  How does she always manage to keep a straight face? I supress a giggle and wolf down my bacon, then drain my glass of milk and bring everything to the basin. My dull mind was refusing to function again. Ugh.
  Tap. On. Soap. Squirt. Sponge. Scrub. Spongebob Squarepants dances into my mind, but I tell him to get out. Wash. Wash. Wash. Good. Dishes. Put. Away. Yawn.
  I walk into the living room, and suddenly my face lights up and my sense become hyperalert. The beautiful machine of glory, the epic computer is there. I boot it up-3.5 minutes according to my watch, and like it said on the manual, not a second later-and double click on the Internet Explorer icon.
  After a few seconds of impatient waiting, it finally pops up. "I need Firefox," I mumble, as I stab in the required URL. Wait, what? Internet Explorer was unable to open the webpage? I type in another URL. Google's unavailable too. Aww, man. The internet's down.
  I checked and double checked everything. Yes, it was set to online mode. Yes, the wireless network was connected. Oh, god. It's the router.
  "Mom!"
  "Yes, honey?"
  "The router's down."
  "Okay, coming!"
  She came over and looked at the router.
  "It looks fine to me."
  "It's down, I tell you. We need to go to Comet."
  "Yeah, yeah, okay."
  We trampled down the stairs. I walked into our ultra-cool, jet black car and strapped up. Mom started up the engine and off we went.
  Thirteen very boring miles filled occasionally by a failed attempt at small talk, we arrived at a Comet. Let's see... wireless routers... wireless routers.... aha! There we go... I grabbed the thing and handed over $59.
  We drove back home, and I plugged it up. Sure enough, the internet was fine and dandy again. I was in the middle of an exciting game marathon when the door burst open and Dad strode in.
  "Hi dad," I waved.
  "Hey! What's up?"
  "Uh... we bought a new router?"
  "What? Why?"
  "The router broke. We can't access the internet."
  His jaw dropped to the ground, bounced a few times, then sprouted wings and flapped hard, finally managing to fly back up to "open-mouthed" state.
  "The village internet was down! There was nothing wrong with our old router!"
  And then I witnessed an amazing change. A homo sapiens suddenly, and without warning, transforming into a bull on its hind legs. I felt like that guy in Transformers when he saw his yellow car become a mecha destroyer. Then I looked down at my ironically red shirt.
  Oops.

You've Americanised my story

http://cdn.thenextweb.com/wp-content/up … /01/hi.jpg

We Americans just don't have the pound sign on our keyboards.

Another Fail. Again 100% 0% effort. Helltank will probably awesomise it.

I don't have enough power sockets for both my xbox 360 and my wii, so I have to switch between the 2 of them. I was downloading a huge 4gb download at the time and I wanted to play on my Xbox. As I switched the power off my wii socket I hit the one for my Pc aswell.

Fail