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Albertt911 · 2011-08-29 20:25:50

Very sleepy bump. ;__;

I updated some more of the story. Thanks for reading, and thanks for any feedback given smile

scimonster · 2011-08-30 03:42:42

Spooky. In a good way.

Last edited by scimonster (2011-08-30 03:42:53)

Albertt911 · 2011-08-30 05:24:06

Good Morning bump!

scimonster wrote:
Spooky. In a good way.

Thanks! ^_^

Albertt911 · 2011-08-30 11:00:59

Updated, added some artwork smile Here's the doodle that it came from big_smile

johndo77 · 2011-08-30 19:05:28

I was linked here, thinking I would see the Amazing Horse video. :P

Albertt911 · 2011-08-30 19:07:48

johndo77 wrote:
I was linked here, thinking I would see the Amazing Horse video. :P

Trololol, My misleading sig is misleading tongue
Anyways, I wouldn't be allowed to post a link to that video anyways, because of it's horse-indecency ;_;

Last edited by Albertt911 (2011-08-30 19:08:14)

johndo77 · 2011-08-30 19:08:37

Albertt911 wrote:
johndo77 wrote:
I was linked here, thinking I would see the Amazing Horse video. :P
Trololol, My misleading sig is misleading
Anyways, I wouldn't be allowed to post a link to that video anyways, because of it's horse-indecency ;_;

... Yeah...

Albertt911 · 2011-09-04 15:50:16

Bump smile

updated the story a tiny bit. I've changed the way i update them. Instead of long, infrequent posts, ill update in short paraghraphs which will be more fequent, once a day minimally.
I would've posted this in artwork, but its unrelated to the story so i'll post it here:

Is it okay? It's Roxas off of Kingdom Hearts :3

Albertt911 · 2011-09-04 19:38:24

Bump.
What do you guys think of the story, and the artwork? I'm going to sleep now.
G'night.

Albertt911 · 2011-09-05 15:52:20

bump. I'll update the story in a bit.

PlutoIsHades · 2011-09-05 16:37:04

More! Please write more!

Albertt911 · 2011-09-05 16:49:24

PlutoIsHades wrote:
More! Please write more!

Lol, I'll upload the other two sections I wrote when I get back on my iPod :P

PlutoIsHades · 2011-09-05 16:56:37

Albertt911 wrote:
PlutoIsHades wrote:
More! Please write more!
Lol, I'll upload the other two sections I wrote when I get back on my iPod

big_smile Can't wait! You grounded or something, what do you mean by "when I get back on my iPod?"

Albertt911 · 2011-09-05 16:58:55

PlutoIsHades wrote:
Albertt911 wrote:
PlutoIsHades wrote:
More! Please write more!
Lol, I'll upload the other two sections I wrote when I get back on my iPod :P
:D Can't wait! You grounded or something, what do you mean by "when I get back on my iPod?"

Nah, I just don't know where it is, and I know it's dead somewhere so I need to charge it. I'm also too lazy to go and find it :P And it takes a while scrolling down the whole story on my iPod just to add 2 more paragraphs :P

PlutoIsHades · 2011-09-05 17:19:58

Albertt911 wrote:
PlutoIsHades wrote:
Albertt911 wrote:
Lol, I'll upload the other two sections I wrote when I get back on my iPod
Can't wait! You grounded or something, what do you mean by "when I get back on my iPod?"
Nah, I just don't know where it is, and I know it's dead somewhere so I need to charge it. I'm also too lazy to go and find it And it takes a while scrolling down the whole story on my iPod just to add 2 more paragraphs

There should be a little scrolling bar on the side. Hold it down until it shows the pages then go to where you need to be.

Trekkie210 · 2011-09-05 17:30:23

Albertt911 wrote:
And she was gonna make them pay.

If I can make a suggestion:

NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!

Don't use things like "gonna" when the speaker is the narrator! It makes you seem unprofessional and unintelligent! Unless a character is talking in a special dialect, DON'T DO IT!

*steps down from soap box*

Eeyup.

Albertt911 · 2011-09-05 17:41:38

Trekkie210 wrote:
Albertt911 wrote:
And she was gonna make them pay.
If I can make a suggestion:

NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!

Don't use things like "gonna" when the speaker is the narrator! It makes you seem unprofessional and unintelligent! Unless a character is talking in a special dialect, DON'T DO IT!

*steps down from soap box*

Eeyup.

Ever thought the Narrator could be a character in the story too? tongue

And pluto, I meant scrolling down the edit box smile

Trekkie210 · 2011-09-05 17:45:08

Albertt911 wrote:
Trekkie210 wrote:
Albertt911 wrote:
And she was gonna make them pay.
If I can make a suggestion:

NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!

Don't use things like "gonna" when the speaker is the narrator! It makes you seem unprofessional and unintelligent! Unless a character is talking in a special dialect, DON'T DO IT!

*steps down from soap box*

Eeyup.
Ever thought the Narrator could be a character in the story too?

And pluto, I meant scrolling down the edit box

Yes, I did. Even then, it's better to stay neutral. Imagine reading a book with a hillbilly as a main character AND a narrator. "An' she went down ta thuh store ta git brayud."

Albertt911 · 2011-09-05 17:49:30

Trekkie210 wrote:
Albertt911 wrote:
Trekkie210 wrote:
If I can make a suggestion:

NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!

Don't use things like "gonna" when the speaker is the narrator! It makes you seem unprofessional and unintelligent! Unless a character is talking in a special dialect, DON'T DO IT!

*steps down from soap box*

Eeyup.
Ever thought the Narrator could be a character in the story too?

And pluto, I meant scrolling down the edit box
Yes, I did. Even then, it's better to stay neutral. Imagine reading a book with a hillbilly as a main character AND a narrator. "An' she went down ta thuh store ta git brayud."

I have read a book like that. Tom Sawyer. The speech was just about readable :L But the narrator didnt speak like that.
Anyways, my narrator is readable. Easily. And the mystery narrator was only in the first paragraph I believe. The others were the characters themselves.

Last edited by Albertt911 (2011-09-05 17:55:37)

PlutoIsHades · 2011-09-06 07:53:46

Trekkie210 wrote:
Albertt911 wrote:
And she was gonna make them pay.
If I can make a suggestion:

NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!

Don't use things like "gonna" when the speaker is the narrator! It makes you seem unprofessional and unintelligent! Unless a character is talking in a special dialect, DON'T DO IT!

*steps down from soap box*

Eeyup.

Albert can write the way he likes to. Don't criticize his style of writing! It's not your story, you're not the one who wrote it, so don't try to make Albert more "professional". Also, that sentence sounds better the way Albert wrote it. "She was gonna make them pay." sounds better than "She was going to make them pay."
Which more makes you want to continue reading?
(EDIT: You sound like my teacher. tongue )

Last edited by PlutoIsHades (2011-09-06 07:58:21)

scimonster · 2011-09-06 08:20:21

PlutoIsHades wrote:
Trekkie210 wrote:
Albertt911 wrote:
And she was gonna make them pay.
If I can make a suggestion:

NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!

Don't use things like "gonna" when the speaker is the narrator! It makes you seem unprofessional and unintelligent! Unless a character is talking in a special dialect, DON'T DO IT!

*steps down from soap box*

Eeyup.
Albert can write the way he likes to. Don't criticize his style of writing! It's not your story, you're not the one who wrote it, so don't try to make Albert more "professional". Also, that sentence sounds better the way Albert wrote it. "She was gonna make them pay." sounds better than "She was going to make them pay."
Which more makes you want to continue reading?
(EDIT: You sound like my teacher. )

I like "gonna" better too. big_smile
And I think TDD has mentioned a-lot that his name is Alex? tongue

Albertt911 · 2011-09-11 18:30:01

I may have forgotten about this topic cool

Bump

Albertt911 · 2011-09-13 16:02:41

I remembered this Topic!

Bump!

Writing more as you're reading this tongue

Albertt911 · 2011-09-13 18:04:57

Bump. I'll update the rest when I come back from school tomorrow cool

scimonster · 2011-09-14 03:45:27

Albertt911 wrote:
Albertt911 wrote:
Albertt911 wrote:
to change the forum topic title, do I just report the topic and ask them?
... Anyone? :L

Go to New Scratch Members and check the ITopic list. Look for something by me. Read. wink

Scratch

archived forums

#51 2011-08-29 20:25:50

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#52 2011-08-30 03:42:42

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#53 2011-08-30 05:24:06

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

scimonster wrote:

#54 2011-08-30 11:00:59

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#55 2011-08-30 19:05:28

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#56 2011-08-30 19:07:48

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

johndo77 wrote:

#57 2011-08-30 19:08:37

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

Albertt911 wrote:

johndo77 wrote:

#58 2011-09-04 15:50:16

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#59 2011-09-04 19:38:24

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#60 2011-09-05 15:52:20

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#61 2011-09-05 16:37:04

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#62 2011-09-05 16:49:24

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

PlutoIsHades wrote:

#63 2011-09-05 16:56:37

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

Albertt911 wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

#64 2011-09-05 16:58:55

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Albertt911 wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

#65 2011-09-05 17:19:58

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

Albertt911 wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Albertt911 wrote:

#66 2011-09-05 17:30:23

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

Albertt911 wrote:

#67 2011-09-05 17:41:38

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

Trekkie210 wrote:

Albertt911 wrote:

#68 2011-09-05 17:45:08

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

Albertt911 wrote:

Trekkie210 wrote:

Albertt911 wrote:

#69 2011-09-05 17:49:30

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

Trekkie210 wrote:

Albertt911 wrote:

Trekkie210 wrote:

#70 2011-09-06 07:53:46

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

Trekkie210 wrote:

Albertt911 wrote:

#71 2011-09-06 08:20:21

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Trekkie210 wrote:

Albertt911 wrote:

#72 2011-09-11 18:30:01

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#73 2011-09-13 16:02:41

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#74 2011-09-13 18:04:57

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

#75 2011-09-14 03:45:27

Re: Elements. - A story by Albertt911

Albertt911 wrote: