Scratch

Why post it right now, then?

Note to self: Begins with a tornado. You might not remember tomorrow.

That's not going to be a very a spectacular book if you're going to write 100-word-chapters. Anyway, this seems fairly good for a start, however, I still have something to rant about.

You should elaborate things in your "book". At this point, it seems you're leaving all those unexplained things (Sabrina, the black hooded cape person, how did you get on the cliff) to the next chapters, but I think you understand that, if you'll fill up the next chapters with the information, their length will be truly awkward in comparison to chapters 1 and 2. On all my rants about story threads I include the sentence "take your book seriously", and this thread is not an exception - you should spread these chapters with information, instead of leaving that to the next chapters that may not even be written. If you're intending to leave these things open for the reader, well, some of those questions could be left unanswered, but at this point, there is so much of them, if they're unanswered the story will look unfinished and delusional...

For minor things, you should avoid cliches if you're writing such a unique story ("black hooded cape") and you should elaborate certain sentences that don't make a lot of sense ("Their voice isn't entirely helpful either" - weird sentence, meaning unclear; also, that part where she's "face-down on the ground" and immediately afterwards she's "looking around" - not very logical).

Just some feedback, hope you take a look at it.

Vurb wrote:

That's not going to be a very a spectacular book if you're going to write 100-word-chapters. Anyway, this seems fairly good for a start, however, I still have something to rant about.

You should elaborate things in your "book". At this point, it seems you're leaving all those unexplained things (Sabrina, the black hooded cape person, how did you get on the cliff) to the next chapters, but I think you understand that, if you'll fill up the next chapters with the information, their length will be truly awkward in comparison to chapters 1 and 2. On all my rants about story threads I include the sentence "take your book seriously", and this thread is not an exception - you should spread these chapters with information, instead of leaving that to the next chapters that may not even be written. If you're intending to leave these things open for the reader, well, some of those questions could be left unanswered, but at this point, there is so much of them, if they're unanswered the story will look unfinished and delusional...

For minor things, you should avoid cliches if you're writing such a unique story ("black hooded cape") and you should elaborate certain sentences that don't make a lot of sense ("Their voice isn't entirely helpful either" - weird sentence, meaning unclear; also, that part where she's "face-down on the ground" and immediately afterwards she's "looking around" - not very logical).

Just some feedback, hope you take a look at it.

Try writing at midnight. *yawn*

I was going to edit that. I always tend to write short chapters. I thought I'd added "I struggle to my feet" there, but I guess I either deleted it or forgot it.

Yeah. I'm explaining who Sabrina is later. Also the person in the black cape. If I told you now it would ruin the plot of the story.

And owetre, no. Based off a weird dream I had. Since when are there Paint Masters in...?

kimmy123 wrote:

I don't think our projects will be so much alike...

Neither do I. I had another idea, but it would only work with Panther.

owetre18 wrote:

somelia wrote:

Vurb wrote:

That's not going to be a very a spectacular book if you're going to write 100-word-chapters. Anyway, this seems fairly good for a start, however, I still have something to rant about.

You should elaborate things in your "book". At this point, it seems you're leaving all those unexplained things (Sabrina, the black hooded cape person, how did you get on the cliff) to the next chapters, but I think you understand that, if you'll fill up the next chapters with the information, their length will be truly awkward in comparison to chapters 1 and 2. On all my rants about story threads I include the sentence "take your book seriously", and this thread is not an exception - you should spread these chapters with information, instead of leaving that to the next chapters that may not even be written. If you're intending to leave these things open for the reader, well, some of those questions could be left unanswered, but at this point, there is so much of them, if they're unanswered the story will look unfinished and delusional...

For minor things, you should avoid cliches if you're writing such a unique story ("black hooded cape") and you should elaborate certain sentences that don't make a lot of sense ("Their voice isn't entirely helpful either" - weird sentence, meaning unclear; also, that part where she's "face-down on the ground" and immediately afterwards she's "looking around" - not very logical).

Just some feedback, hope you take a look at it.

Try writing at midnight. *yawn*

I was going to edit that. I always tend to write short chapters. I thought I'd added "I struggle to my feet" there, but I guess I either deleted it or forgot it.

Yeah. I'm explaining who Sabrina is later. Also the person in the black cape. If I told you now it would ruin the plot of the story.

And owetre, no. Based off a weird dream I had. Since when are there Paint Masters in...?

The creator (you) and the person, who fell off the cliff (also you). Like the creator of the world. You made everything. Seems almost the same, right?

I have no clue what you're talking about. Perhaps you should let me post chapters 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 before you jump to conclusions.

I can tell you Sabrina and the narrator aren't the same person.

THe narrator didn't create everything.

Nobody is in a coma.

Last edited by somelia (2011-06-25 14:49:45)

kimmy123 wrote:

somelia wrote:

kimmy123 wrote:

I don't think our projects will be so much alike...

Neither do I. I had another idea, but it would only work with Panther.

But we both thought of a media to base off the game 
(You thought of a book, and I thought of a show/animation  )

I was going to do an animation, too.

My idea is more like Pokemon Mystery Dungeon 2 than Drawn to Life, but only the beginning part of it is like anything at all...

kimmy123 wrote:

somelia wrote:

kimmy123 wrote:

But we both thought of a media to base off the game 
(You thought of a book, and I thought of a show/animation  )

I was going to do an animation, too.

My idea is more like Pokemon Mystery Dungeon 2 than Drawn to Life, but only the beginning part of it is like anything at all...

Sorry, I meant "our games" instead of "the game" *3*

DARN IT I lost the game.

OH WAIT! Remember, I quit the game? My theory:

I can break the rules of Tennis. This means I can also break the rules of The Game. So I hereby break these rules and quit.

Unfortunately I blew up my elementary school, but that's not such a huge problem, is it?

kimmy123 wrote:

Sorry, but can we still do the contest?
Before, I was just thinking that if we did the contest we might rush so we can see the results earlier.

Oh, okay.

BANANAMAN114, WE NEED YOU AS A JUDGE!