Scratch

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

brettman98 wrote:

Government spending.

I know, right.

ThePCKid wrote:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

lol, that's great

here it goes:

5 people go up in a plane: the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the wisest man in the world, a priest, and a regular college kid.  Once they have been in flight for awhile, the engine makes an awful sound.  The pilot comes back to the others and says, "The engine's pretty much gone and we're gonna crash in about 10 minutes.  There are only four parachutes though.  Seeing as I'm the pilot and I've got a wife and kids to support, I think I should get one."  So the pilot grabs one of the packs and jumps out.  The wisest man in the world then says, "I dare say the world needs my wisdom more than it needs any of you."  So he grabs a pack and jumps.  The smartest man in the world then says, "You know, I've got a lot to offer the world.  I could be the one to cure cancer, or discover a new planet.  I think I should take the next pack."  So he too grabs a pack and jumps out of the plane.  The priest and the college kid sit there a couple of minutes.  The priest finally says, "Son, we both know that there is only one parachute left.  Though  I hate to say it, there are many more souls that I could save and I believe that means I should take the last parachute."  The college kid stands up, puts on a pack that the priest hadn't noticed and says, "Don't worry, the smartest man in the world took my backpack."