Scratch

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.

Wait, violets are blue?

Do you want to know how to become a millionare? Well, first you have to get a million dollars...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all died in a bus crash, and they are at the bottom of the stairs to heaven. They hear a voice, saying: "In order to get to heaven, you must walk up these 3000 stairs. Each 1000 stairs, I will tell you a joke. If you laugh, you don't go." So the three start walking. After 1000 stairs, the first joke is told. The redhead bursts out laughing, so only the blonde and brunette continue. After another 1000, another joke is told, but no one laughs, so they go ahead. At the gates of heaven, the funniest joke in the world is told, and the brunette laughs, only to be sent back down. The blonde is let in to heaven, then she starts to crack up, and is literally rolling on the floor laughing. The voice asks: "Why are you laughing?" The blonde responds: "I finally got the first joke!"

Women's rights

werdna123 wrote:

A man walks into a bar.
"Ouch!" he says.

You stole my joke 

Timmy is at a wedding with his mother. Timmy says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?" His mother responds, "Because white is the color of happiness." Timmy thinks about this for a while, then he says, "Mommy, why does the groom wear black?"

Q: Imagine you are driving in a car, and you drive right off the edge of a cliff and into the ocean while sharks are all around you. How do you survive?

A: Stop imagining.

Q: A man jumps out of a 20 story building and lives. How?

A: He jumped out of the first floor!

Those are some of my bad ones, my good ones are too "inappropriate" for Scratch.

Last edited by TheGameMaster1231 (2011-05-02 16:22:27)

MrMokey wrote:

3 guys walked into a café.

One guy says 'I have the worst teeth'. Anothere guy says 'I have the worst name'. The third guy says 'I have the worst singing'.

So the three guys go to the guiness world records building.

The first guy walks out and says 'I have the worst teeth in the world!'. The second guy says 'I have the worst name in the world!'. The last guy walks out and says 'Who the heck is Justin Bieber?'

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

my 137th post lol

Last edited by jamopop (2011-05-02 16:58:06)

hello
i am bananaman114
the very fact that i didnt use grammar in this post is a joke on its own

Yo' Mama is so stupid, when she heard that Christmas was around the corner, she went looking for it.

jamopop wrote:

MrMokey wrote:

3 guys walked into a café.

One guy says 'I have the worst teeth'. Anothere guy says 'I have the worst name'. The third guy says 'I have the worst singing'.

So the three guys go to the guiness world records building.

The first guy walks out and says 'I have the worst teeth in the world!'. The second guy says 'I have the worst name in the world!'. The last guy walks out and says 'Who the heck is Justin Bieber?'

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

my 137th post lol

and you screwed around with the original joke.

Last edited by SpriteMaster (2011-05-05 14:50:47)

OK let's see.

THE TOMATO JOKE

So an alien came down to Earth from Mars and only knows three words, I, DONT and KNOW and got a job as a tomato shop clerk. So a guy walks in and says, "What are you selling?" The alien says, "I don't know." So the manager walks in and says TOMATOES. Another guy walks in and says "What are you selling?" "TOMATOES". "How much are they?" "I DON'T KNOW". So the manager tells him $0.75, Another guy walks in and says, "What are you selling?" "TOMATOES" "How much are they?" "75 CENTS!" "Are they fresh?" "I DON'T KNOW." The manager tells him they are VERY VERY FRESH. So ANOTHER guy comes in and says, "What are you selling?" "TOMATOES" "How much are they?" "75 CENTS!" "Are they fresh?" "VERY VERY FRESH" He takes a tomato and asks the alien clerk, "So....here's the money. Can you put it in the register?" "I DON'T KNOW". The manager is furious and tells him to PUSH DA BUTTON. Then the store gets robbed. The burgular says, "What do ya got here?" "TOMATOES" "How much money's in the register?" "75 CENTS" "You talking fresh with me?" "VERY VERY FRESH!" "That's it, if you say another word, I push this and blow this place up. "PUSH DA BUTTON." BOOM the guy blows the place up. The manager sees what happened and says, "What happened here!?!?!?!" "I DON'T KNOW"

It's lame but it was funny like 5 years ago 

Last edited by SpriteMaster (2011-05-05 15:06:03)

Okay, I replaced something that would be offensive with ape.

  So a guy walks into a bar. He sit's down beside a pretty girl. He asks the girl: "Wanna hear an ape joke?"

A big muscular guy comes up beside him and says: "Listen, buddy. She is an ape. The bartender is an ape. I am an ape. And the BIG BUFF guy beside me is an ape. Ya sure ya wanna tell that joke?"

  The man replied: "Naw thanks, I don't wanna have to repeat it."

It's only really funny if you knwo what I replaced with ape.

bananaman114 wrote:

Okay, I replaced something that would be offensive with ape.

  So a guy walks into a bar. He sit's down beside a pretty girl. He asks the girl: "Wanna hear an ape joke?"

A big muscular guy comes up beside him and says: "Listen, buddy. She is an ape. The bartender is an ape. I am an ape. And the BIG BUFF guy beside me is an ape. Ya sure ya wanna tell that joke?"

  The man replied: "Naw thanks, I don't wanna have to repeat it."

It's only really funny if you knwo what I replaced with ape.

DrakeJoshF wrote:

everyone who views this forum should post jokes! I'll start:

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Blonde?

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