Scratch

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm a schizophrenic,
and so am I.

agscratcher wrote:

AtomicBawm3 wrote:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm a schizophrenic,
and so am I.

Your sig looked like it was part of the post. 

Ok...not really sure how it would work in there, but whatever floats your boat.

My 1337 post!

3 guys walked into a café.

One guy says 'I have the worst teeth'. Anothere guy says 'I have the worst name'. The third guy says 'I have the worst singing'.

So the three guys go to the guiness world records building.

The first guy walks out and says 'I have the worst teeth in the world!'. The second guy says 'I have the worst name in the world!'. The last guy walks out and says 'Who the heck is Justin Bieber?'

Ignore this part if you want, the jokes are in color.
After viewing this thread last night, I had a dream that there was an entire Joke section (like Miscellaneous) and Scratch Team announced that the Joke section would be moved to the TBG section. And then I woke up eight minutes ago (6:30... yeah, I wake up early when I have a cold) and decided to post a couple jokes here. I'll add them in a few mins.
(Btw, I've heard the schizophrenia joke before.    I had this huge debate with my friend over whether it made sense, because I thought it meant really confused thinking and he thought it was multiple personalities, but then we looked it up and it could be either.)
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all marooned on a desert island. Then somehow a magical genie appears and gives them all one wish. The redhead says, 'I wish that an airplane would appear and ride me home.' So the genie made an airplane form around her and take her home, but it didn't come back. The brunette said, 'I wish for a bridge to walk home on.' So the brunette walked across home, and then the bridge disappeared. The blonde couldn't really think of anything. 'Gee,' she said. 'I don't know what to choose. My friends would help me - I wish they were here.'
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were being chased by a werewolf towards a cliff, but another genie (lucky them) appeared and said, 'Hurry! Tell me what you want to turn into to escape.' 'BIRD!' shouted the redhead, and flew away. 'JAGUAR!' shouted the brunette, and was able to escape the werewolf because she was faster than it. At that moment the blonde tripped on a rock, and she yelled, 'Oh, cruuuud!!!'
One morning, Johnny saw his mother putting white cream on her face. 'Why are you doing that, Mommy?' he asked. 'To make my skin look beautiful, Johnny,' she said, as she started removing the cream. 'What's the matter? Giving up?' asked Johnny.
Johnny's teacher had heard about a new psychology method to help kids build self-esteem. She stood before the class and said, 'All right, if you think you're stupid, stand up.' Only Johnny stood up. 'Why do you think you are stupid, Johnny?' she asked in surprise. 'I don't,' Johnny answered, 'but I hate to see you standing up all by yourself.'
Johnny had been talking a lot in class for a few days. 'Johnny,' said his teacher, 'I'd like to not have to ask you to be quiet again.' 'You have my permission,' said Johnny.

Last edited by Wickimen (2011-04-30 16:30:29)

MrMokey wrote:

The first guy walks out and says 'I have the worst teeth in the world!'. The second guy says 'I have the worst name in the world!'. The last guy walks out and says 'Who the heck is Justin Bieber?'

I heard that on youtube 

But it wasn't singing....

A redhead, a brunette, and a blond are sent to an alternate universe, they find a mirror who says, "Tell the truth and you can go back to your lives, lie and die forever"

The redhead says, "I never killed a man" and goes onto her life.
The brunette says "I never killed a man" and goes on with life.
The blonde walks up and says "Oh! I get it! I think . . ." and disappeared forever.

Another:

A blonde and a brunette are eating lunch on the edge of a river, and the blonde says, "If I have to eat this same lunch again, I will jump off the bridge!" The blonde goes home and tells her mother never to pack it again. The next day, however, she does have it again, so jumps off the bridge. At the funeral the brunette asks the blondes mom why she packed the same lunch again. The mom says "She packs her own lunch"

soupoftomato wrote:

A guy walks into a bar. The other one ducks.

Is the bar horizontal?

chuck norris once won a game of scrable using numbers

Ok, so there's this old couple who live on a farm, but they're having money troubles.  They figure they can rent their land out to someone so that they can pay off their debt.  A young man accepts the offer because he needs land for an airplane business he wants to start.  The couple is very interested in the offer, but they have no money to ride the plane.  so the young man comes up with a deal: "If you guys stay completely quiet the entire flight, it's free."  The couple thought this was a great idea, so they get in the plane, and the man takes them up.  Once they are flying the young man starts doing flips, barrel rolls and nose dives, just to make it more difficult for them.  They don't say anything.  Finally, he lands and turns around to the husband. "You know, I really didn't think it would be possible for you guys to do that, I don't think I could ever."  To which the man responds, "Yeah, you almost had me on the 3rd barrel roll when my  wife fell out."

A man walks into a bar.
"Ouch!" he says.