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#26 2011-03-22 02:52:13

helltank
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-05-21
Posts: 1000+

Re: World War Three, Book one: Bombshells on the Seashore

Cool story bro.

Really though, it's not bad, but I can't say because when you mentioned the Hello Kitty machine gun I got disturbing pictures of a giant Hello Kitty mowing down innocent citizens. Then the frame switches to Near telling Mello how to draw a Hello Kitty, as famously quoted.

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#27 2011-03-22 06:42:08

-iNetMaster-
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-08-30
Posts: 1000+

Re: World War Three, Book one: Bombshells on the Seashore

I...just...what the...
I JUST finished a book about World War Three.
Except mine's more violant.

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#28 2011-03-22 09:11:29

08jackt
Scratcher
Registered: 2007-09-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: World War Three, Book one: Bombshells on the Seashore

lame title is lame.
writing is meh

Last edited by 08jackt (2011-03-22 09:11:38)

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#29 2011-03-22 12:23:14

svinnik
Scratcher
Registered: 2008-08-31
Posts: 1000+

Re: World War Three, Book one: Bombshells on the Seashore

Star_the_fox wrote:

I'll have you know my name is COPYRIGHTED. *shoots you in teh head*

I used your name in my story. Also, A PINK MACHINE GUN? WHAT!

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#30 2011-03-27 02:17:15

cheezface
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-07
Posts: 20

Re: World War Three, Book one: Bombshells on the Seashore

ummmm..you changed tenses in the middle of the story. my english teacher would smack you. eather make it all past tense or all present tense. aaaand,(unless you meant some other weapon) a molotov cocktail is a bottle of alcohol with a flaming rag stuck in the top. but other than that.... it was pretty good. definitely better than some books that got published.

Last edited by cheezface (2011-03-27 02:17:53)

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#31 2011-03-27 11:40:02

Scratchthatguys
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-07-16
Posts: 1000+

Re: World War Three, Book one: Bombshells on the Seashore

Kileymeister wrote:

Scratchthatguys wrote:

The military does it when in close range. And it's silent, it's a rifle with no silencer. Do they even have silencers?
---
I need ideas.

It's an open attack, I doubt there's a need for a silencer.  I don't think a rifle can even have one.

And the military does that when they have bayonets, which are hardly used anymore.  Now you either still shoot him or draw a combat knife.  After all, why hit him with the rifle if it has absolutely no effect on the protagonist?

(I'm not trying to be too critical though I am, I'm just trying to help make your book more believable)

I was on a roof, I would've fallen off.

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