Scratch

turtlewarrior · 2011-03-26 13:19:43

Here's a cheery song I made up which will cause nonstop happiness and joy to whoever reads it! I promise it will remain to be cheery and happy throughout the whole song! It can be interpreted different ways, so post what you think is happening below! big_smile

___________________________
Are you there, are you there?
I am laying by the tree
Are you there, are you there?
Please come lay down next to me

There is dirt in my eyes
There is soil in my face
Dear, there's no reason to cry
You could join me in this place

Are you there, are you there?
Please just come and visit me
Are you there, are you there?
I am laying by the tree

There is dirt in my face
There is soil in my eyes
Are you there, are you there?
At the place where I died? *

At a touch we'll be together
At a taste we will be one
Even though my life is over
My existence isn't done

As I fade simply remember
That we will soon meet again

Don't resist it
Do not fight it
It is now almost the end

There is dirt in my eyes
There is soil in my face
As the worms eat my body
I will be put in my place

*here's where the subtly wears off

Last edited by turtlewarrior (2011-03-26 14:34:58)

bananaman114 · 2011-03-26 13:36:00

Erm, you wrote that? How old are you?

turtlewarrior · 2011-03-26 13:50:48

I'm 13, I just wrote that today

Kileymeister · 2011-03-26 13:56:37

Use just the first four stanzas and it's actually a kind of nice song.

Then I have to admit the zombie part makes it a bit, for lack of a better word, stupid.

Last edited by Kileymeister (2011-03-26 14:08:31)

turtlewarrior · 2011-03-26 14:02:10

Hey, zombies aren't stupid! Well, alright, I guess since they're dead and have no brain function they ARE kind of stupid... in fact, they're stupider than animals really... alright fine, maybe zombies are stupid, but I always liked the idea of zombies. Besides you can interpret it differently than zombies, although that's probably what the first thing you'd think it would be.

Kileymeister · 2011-03-26 14:08:24

turtlewarrior wrote:
Hey, zombies aren't stupid! Well, alright, I guess since they're dead and have no brain function they ARE kind of stupid... in fact, they're stupider than animals really... alright fine, maybe zombies are stupid, but I always liked the idea of zombies. Besides you can interpret it differently than zombies, although that's probably what the first thing you'd think it would be.

turtlewarrior wrote:
Now please come and dig me up
So I may feel your juicy brain

Interpret that without alluding to zombies.

turtlewarrior · 2011-03-26 14:19:05

Don't get me wrong, you're spot on there and I plan on changing a few stanzas, but the song as a whole could also be interpreted as a murderer going into his place after he dies, but he wants to say good bye to his girlfriend first, and the tree representing the barrier between worlds. If you want to single out stanzas though, then yeah, but as a whole it can be interpreted as more.

EDIT: You are right, the song would be better without that stanza, thanks for the criticism!

Last edited by turtlewarrior (2011-03-26 14:35:29)

Kileymeister · 2011-03-26 14:38:02

turtlewarrior wrote:
Don't get me wrong, you're spot on there and I plan on changing a few stanzas, but the song as a whole could also be interpreted as a murderer going into his place after he dies, but he wants to say good bye to his girlfriend first, and the tree representing the barrier between worlds. If you want to single out stanzas though, then yeah, but as a whole it can be interpreted as more.

EDIT: You are right, the song would be better without that stanza, thanks for the criticism!

Great, without that line it becomes much more subtle. Now it's pretty good.

Andres-Vander · 2011-03-28 11:42:40

It doesn't really come off as 'good' to me, no offense.

sanddude · 2011-03-28 11:44:40

Andres-Vander wrote:
It doesn't really come off as 'good' to me, no offense.

"Good" to you is generic pop crud.

Just had to clear that up.

Yeah, it's a little bit odd, but it works well that way.

Andres-Vander · 2011-03-28 12:04:15

sanddude wrote:
Andres-Vander wrote:
It doesn't really come off as 'good' to me, no offense.
"Good" to you is generic pop crud.

Just had to clear that up.

Yeah, it's a little bit odd, but it works well that way.

Nah, good to me is whatever I think sounds good. I like songs from every single music genre, and collectively that is my 'good'. But the lyrics are not so good in this case.

Alternatives · 2011-03-28 14:03:40

If you are younger than 13 and wrote this I would recommend you to a mental advisor.
Seriously.

turtlewarrior · 2011-03-28 15:13:10

It fills me with joy to see people dismiss my work as nothing more than a random emo song reflecting my insanity instead of anything deeper.

Scratch

archived forums

#1 2011-03-26 13:19:43

Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

#2 2011-03-26 13:36:00

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

#3 2011-03-26 13:50:48

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

#4 2011-03-26 13:56:37

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

#5 2011-03-26 14:02:10

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

#6 2011-03-26 14:08:24

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

turtlewarrior wrote:

turtlewarrior wrote:

#7 2011-03-26 14:19:05

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

#8 2011-03-26 14:38:02

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

turtlewarrior wrote:

#9 2011-03-28 11:42:40

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

#10 2011-03-28 11:44:40

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

Andres-Vander wrote:

#11 2011-03-28 12:04:15

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

sanddude wrote:

Andres-Vander wrote:

#12 2011-03-28 14:03:40

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

#13 2011-03-28 15:13:10

Re: Super Happy Fun Song With No Implications At All!

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