Scratch

I'm currently working on a story for my character named Squeak. This is the intro, tell me what you think:

 

The room must be a shadowy place, the slights of flickering silhouettes licking themselves across the walls, leaving no traces of where they once were. Burning incense join the wick of the candles in the silent songs of flame. These tunes should be led by a woman in a black velvet gown.
    The words are to be laced in their sounds, a sung language weaving a refrain so ancient by the note. It’s filled with pleas, calls and declaration. Only your soul can know what it means, for no mind alone can conquer this many emotions.
    The woman should be immersed in the spirit of the light and it goes through her as she chants. The space has to be thick with the weight of the words, blends of language from near and afar.
From African speech; Nafsi.
From Japanese tongues; Tamashi.
From Hebrew mouths; Nephesh.
From Greek dialect; Pneuma.
From Egyptian voicing; Ka.
And as these sounds do fill the air, energy from everywhere in the universe is called forward, just waiting to be picked up from the other end. The spirits almost never answer, but sometimes there will be one. Sometimes something will answer.

-Copyrighted material

What do you think, would you want to read this story?

Last edited by J0j2 (2011-03-23 18:22:09)