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#1 2011-03-22 19:37:28

Lucario621
Community Moderator
Registered: 2007-10-03
Posts: 1000+

Read my Greek Myth (for school)

It's a tad lengthy. But hopefully you enjoy  smile

    Once in a blue moon, all of the gods and goddesses come together to have a tournament to see who has the strongest abilities. First, Demeter and Dionysus fought. Demeter, goddess of the harvest, showed how she could make all of the flowers bloom, and they appeared like fireworks, bright and colorful. Dionysus, god of dancing and theatre, brought an elaborate stage, and on it, people danced and acted the most magnificent of musicals and plays. It was quite a show, and it indeed was a close match. But there were still more contestants.
    Afterwards, Artemis and Athena fought. Artemis, god of animals and hunting, showed a great diversity of animals and creatures, from deer, to rabbits, and many colors of birds. Athena, the goddess of crafts and wisdom, showed all of the wise men throughout lands, with all of their inventions and innovations. They too were equally talented.
    Finally, Haphaestus and Apollo appeared. Haphaestus was still very young, and so he was quite stubborn. At school, he always hated to lose when playing games with his classmates. However later in his schooling, he learned that he was the god of fire. So when the tournament came, he was confident that he would win.
    Haphaestus taunted at Apollo, god of music and prophesy, "There is no doubt that I will win. Music is merely listened by the ear, whereas fire can be seen by your eyes, and felt by your hands."
    Apollo flexed his wings and replied, "We'll see about that".
    When the time arrived, Zeus shouted "Let the round begin!" As soon as these words were heard, Apollo flew into the air, bringing up all of the piano players, banjo players, violin players, drum players, flute players, and all that you could imagine. It was a symphony that made the deaf hear, and made you reconsider all that you have ever known.
Haphaestus was awed for a while, but then he shook his head, recognizing that he was losing! Haphaestus showed his moves fiercely. All of the contestants who watched were only slightly toasted by the extreme heat. He did all of which you could imagine; from juggling torches to breathing fire. It was quite a spectacular.
Zeus consulted the other gods. Apollo and Haphaestus stood bravely, yet inside they were worrying who the judges would decide. After one minute, Zeus decided, "The winner is.... Apollo!"
    Haphaestus was filled with anger. How could he have lost! What imperfections could have been in his performance? Thus, he asked Zeus, "Why did I lose?"
In response, Zeus said "Although your show was quite unique, some of the fire fell through the clouds and onto the houses in villages. That is not very god-like.”
Haphaestus was even more frustrated. In return, he spewed hot, thick lava from many volcanoes around the Earth. As the other gods and goddesses disliked this, they put Haphaestus to sleep, keeping him dormant for a long, long time.

Tell me if you see any spelling/grammar mistakes, or if some parts should change (preferably not whole plot changes), or if certain words should be switched with more interesting words (ex. changing angry with furious, or something like that)


http://i.imgur.com/WBkM2QQ.png

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#2 2011-03-22 20:02:08

soupoftomato
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-07-18
Posts: 1000+

Re: Read my Greek Myth (for school)

The ending is a little abrupt. All the sudden it just says "he blew up a couple volcanoes"


I'm glad to think that the community will always be kind and helpful, the language will always be a fun and easy way to be introduced into programming, the motto will always be: Imagine, Program, Share - Nomolos

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#3 2011-03-22 20:37:15

Lucario621
Community Moderator
Registered: 2007-10-03
Posts: 1000+

Re: Read my Greek Myth (for school)

soupoftomato wrote:

The ending is a little abrupt. All the sudden it just says "he blew up a couple volcanoes"

Yeah, I noticed that a bit too  hmm

I think I'll change the end to this:

Haphaestus was even more frustrated. In return, he spewed hot, thick lava from many volcanoes around the Earth. Whole towns were in peril, slowly burned and destroyed. As soon as they noticed, the other gods and goddesses put Haphaestus to sleep, keeping him dormant for a long, long time.


http://i.imgur.com/WBkM2QQ.png

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#4 2011-03-22 20:38:50

soupoftomato
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-07-18
Posts: 1000+

Re: Read my Greek Myth (for school)

Lucario621 wrote:

soupoftomato wrote:

The ending is a little abrupt. All the sudden it just says "he blew up a couple volcanoes"

Yeah, I noticed that a bit too  hmm

I think I'll change the end to this:

Haphaestus was even more frustrated. In return, he spewed hot, thick lava from many volcanoes around the Earth. Whole towns were in peril, slowly burned and destroyed. As soon as they noticed, the other gods and goddesses put Haphaestus to sleep, keeping him dormant for a long, long time.

That works. Maybe there should be a final battle between the gods and Hephaestus.


I'm glad to think that the community will always be kind and helpful, the language will always be a fun and easy way to be introduced into programming, the motto will always be: Imagine, Program, Share - Nomolos

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#5 2011-03-22 21:18:52

rabbit1131
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-10-16
Posts: 1000+

Re: Read my Greek Myth (for school)

I like it. Almost so real it could have been told by the ancient Greeks! Great job!


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#6 2011-03-23 01:28:24

Jonathanpb
Scratcher
Registered: 2008-07-25
Posts: 1000+

Re: Read my Greek Myth (for school)

That's a realistic Greek myth, good work  big_smile


"Human beings... must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it.
-Charlotte Brontë

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