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#1 2011-01-29 10:34:25

GlitchSprite
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Registered: 2010-06-08
Posts: 1000+

Small book I'm writing

Prologue
  Copper shook his head. "I don't have time for this. Give me the orb, or other matters will be necessary.
  In the back of the room, Bronze cocked his pistol.
  The Steels standing next to the occupied sofa looked at each other.
  A small voice crackled out of the sofa, as if by an intercom. "Listen, young ones. If you want what I think you want, then my Steels here will take care of you."
  On command, the two Steels showed their teeth.
  "But if you're willing to make a negotiation...." The last word slid out of the old man's lips like a snake, long and disgusting, wrapping around Copper's neck like a noose.
  Copper slammed his hands on the desk, starling the senile elder and revealing his copper bracelets. "How's this for a negotiation? You give me the 3rd Orb, and I won't kill you." He raised a pistol to the old man's forehead.
  The old man barely flinched. The Steels, however, became even more tense than before. The two held their pistols at arm's length, one at Bronze and the other at Copper. The steel bracelets around their arms flashed.
  The man made a gesture for them to calm down. The Steels obediently lowered their guns, but their eyes remained just as fierce.
  The man spoke again, not worried about the possible contact shot to his forehead. "I know you are rather... eager," - he said, looking up at the muzzle of the black pistol - "to get the Orb, but you must understand. All that have tried to touch it have been vaporized in an attempt to contain the extreme power inside."
  "I... don't... care." Said Copper slowly, through gritted teeth.
  "Very well," The man sighed. "Follow me." He got up and gestured for the Steels to follow. They all went down a small passageway to a 10-inch-thick door with red markings all over it. The man rested a hand on the dial and turned it first to the right several times, then to the left, to the right again, and finally back to the left. The dial popped open revealing a small keyhole. He inserted a key from around his neck, and the door swung open without a sound. Copper twitched, as if he should be remembering something, but shook it off.
  They stepped in, and LED lights sprang to life around them while the door shut itself. Again, Copper gave an involuntary twitch. A circular elevator sat in the center of the round room. The Steels were already helping the old man into it, and it closed before Copper and Bronze could get in.
  "What-" Copper began.
  The old man laughed, ignoring a pain in his side. "Copper, I thought you knew more than to trust me." The voice was surprisingly stronger. The old back cracked as it straightened, the skin began to smooth out again, and the body grew 3 feet taller than before. The old rags around his bony frame became crisp silk and Egyptian cotton, and cuff links appeared on his wrists. He now wore a nice red and blue silk tie, and had the appearance of a successful businessman.
  "Leo." Was all Copper could say, completely dumbstruck as he realized that he was being fooled all along.
  Bronze pulled out duel Uzis, showing off his bronze bracelets, and fired them relentlessly at the elevator while screaming profanities. Just as the elevator disappeared from sight, the power went out. Emergency lights came on, revealing a dark patch among the LEDs.
  Copper looked up, and saw the dark patch; but as he looked closer, he saw small digital letters that read 4:12.
  A bomb.
  Copper turned and ran to the door, but there was no handle on the inside. "Bronze! We need to get out of here!" he screeched.
  Bronze wheeled around, pulling out a sawed-off shotgun, and fired both shells. The door had only minor scratches. Bronze reloaded, firing again and again.
  Copper knew that at this rate, there was no chance of them getting out. He looked for another exit, but it appeared that all there was was the empty elevator shaft. Copper had an idea.
  Grabbing Bronze, he raced over to the shaft, which looked to be around 20 ft. down and increasing. He nodded at Bronze, and the two of them leapt over the side and landed on the top of the elevator with a heavy thud that shook the elevator.
  Inside, the two Steels raised their guns and Leo flicked a switch. The roof suddenly slid inside the elevator like a cover, revealing a thin layer of glass.
  Bronze and Copper looked down into the barrels of two pistols.
  "No." Bronze said.
  Both their bracelets lit up, and the world seemed to slow down. Copper jumped to the side of an incoming bullet while drawing his pistol, and Bronze rolled out of the way, firing down with the shotgun. The shotgun shattered the glass, and the shards rained down on Leo and the Steels. Leo cowered while the two Steels remained the same, like statues, and the glass bounced off their hard faces.
  Copper backflipped off the wall, landing on top of the opposite Steel's shoulders. Bronze landed next to Leo, knocking him unconscious and ducking the Steel's bullets. The Steel without someone on its shoulders fired several shots at Copper, who dropped down from the back of the Steel, allowing several bullets to be planted in its face and chest. The Steel collapsed, although there was no blood to be found. The Steel ignored his fallen comrade and turned, but Bronze had already held Leo in front of him.
  The bracelets returned to their normal sheen, and time seemingly sped back up again. The Steel realized that to get to its main priority, it would have to destroy its employer. It put away its gun, and Copper sprung out from behind Bronze, taking the Steel by surprise. He delivered a kick to the head and waist, and planted a solid punch in its stomach. The Steel collapsed, and Copper shot it through the neck.
  He turned back to Bronze, and the elevator screeched to a halt. The doors slid open, and the two ran out. Copper had been counting down, and realized they only had two minutes left. The hall seemed to stretch on for a while, but Copper was pretty sure he saw a pinpoint of light at the end. Draping the unconscious Leo over his shoulder, Bronze and Copper started sprinting. The tunnel seemed to grow smaller until the two reached a point where a tube led out. Copper dove through first, and Bronze hurled Leo through behind him. As Bronze climbed into the tube, shoving the body in front of him, a deep echoing boom sounded in the distance.
  Copper pulled out Leo at the other side and Bronze followed. They were now standing in a sewer, and the opening was at the top of a long ladder. Copper guessed that it would be around 30 seconds until the blast reached them as Bronze started up the ladder. As soon as there was enough room, Copper jumped on after him. Bronze reached the sewer plate and pushed it open with all his strength, and Copper reached it just in time. The sewer exploded behind them, blasting off all nearby sewer plates with fire.
  The two sat and watched the spectacle for a while, and then Copper sat up.
  "How far away is it to camp?" Bronze asked.
  "I'm not exactly sure," said Copper. "But we better start walking."

Chapter 1
  Charlie Bleu sat in his swivel chair, staring at a blank canvas. How many mysteries it held, he was unsure of. Unfortunately, he was going to have to make something and fast if he wanted to pay for this cramped little apartment he called home.
  He sighed, and to express his mood drew a long blue streak down the side of the canvas. He quickly imitated the action on the other side; he was a stickler for symmetry.
  Excited by his progress - the amount was irrelevant at the moment - he curved the two lines with green. He sat back in the chair, pushing it across the room. Using his feet, he pushed it back. A single black hair fell from his forehead, landing in the yellow paint. Forgetting to wash off his brush, he dipped it in the yellow paint. Rather than becoming frustrated at this slip-up, he mixed the colors and drew a light green line at the top and bottom of the canvas.
  Suddenly, the lights died above him. His hand slipped, drawing a rather ugly steak of color across the whole canvas.
  Suddenly Charlie realized he hadn't paid the electricity bill in two weeks. He felt around the kitchen like a blind man, grabbing a box of matches and a half-melted candle. He struck the match and lit the column of wax, placing it next to his canvas to observe the damage.
  He let out a sigh as he realized it was yet another wasted canvas. He left the kitchen counter in disgust, tripping over the clutter in his blindness. He collapsed on his bed, which was also his couch, and grabbed the remote after a few minutes of feeling. He pressed the on button several times, before realizing the TV had a plug. The last choice he had was to read, but reading by candlelight was a fire hazard.
  As he was weighing his choices, there was a heavy knock on the door. He grumbled to himself as he sat up sluggishly and walked over to the door. He stopped before putting his hand on the doorknob though, as he realized something strange. It was 12:00 at night. Who would go around knocking on apartment doors during the witching hour? He looked through the peephole, but nobody was in sight. Expecting a package, he began to open the door, but at the same second it flung open with extreme force, flinging him like a ragdoll across the room. He saw a quick flash of light, and suddenly he landed in the arms of another man.
  Charlie's tired mind raced to contemplate how this was possible. The door being flung open, then landing in the arms of someone who wasn't there moments ago? All very strange. He jumped out of the arms of the man who somehow caught him, and struck a movie-based martial arts pose.
  "Easy." a rough voice echoed. A man stepped into the room with another man slung over his shoulder. The man who had just spoken (or at least Charlie assumed so, as the other man appeared to be inactive at this moment) wore a long black trenchcoat and hazy black sunglasses. The man slung over the man in the trenchcoat's shoulder wore a handsome silk suit, although some areas were torn or dirtied.
  The man Charlie was facing wore no sunglasses but instead a fedora. He put up his hand. "Whoa buddy, cool it."
  Charlie started to speak, the words coming out fast and loud. "Who are you and what do you want and why did you come to my apartment in the mid-"
  A hand was quickly placed over his mouth, and Charlie pulled on it angrily.
  "I'm Copper." said the man in the fedora. "And you need to shut up."
  The man who had placed a hand over his mouth shook a little, probably nodding.
  "The guy holding you is Bronze. He also is holding a man named Leo." Copper said quickly and quietly. "Now you need to be quiet because no one can know we're here. Understood?"
  Whether it was the feeling of captivity or tiredness, Charlie nodded slowly.
  "Let him go, Bronze." Bronze obeyed and Charlie stepped away from him.
  "What do you guys want from me?" Charlie said, twitching uncomfortably. "If you want money, you can have money. Just don't hurt me."
  "We're not here to hurt anyone or take anything." Bronze said for a change. He tossed Leo in a chair like a piece of trash. "We need a place to stay."
  "Then why are you guys here in the Archived Cities?" Charlie asked, confused. "If you go to the New Cities they have better hospitals and homeless shelters and..."
  "It's a long story." Copper said, cutting Charlie off. "Yes or no?"
  Charlie rubbed his temples. "Look, I have no reason to let you stay, and no reasons not to. If you could just tell me more about yourselves and where you come from, then maybe I can let you."
  Copper let out a sigh, and turned to Bronze. "What do you think?"
  Bronze squinted at Charlie. "Has potential." He said after a few minutes of staring.
  Copper shrugged. "If you say so."
  Copper turned to Charlie, who was now utterly lost. "Alright, let me start with the beginning of our society.
  "The Metals, as we're called, are a society of people dedicated to the protection of the Archived Cities. That answers your question of why we're here." He paused. "For the most part. The other part involves a second force known as the Ametals. The prefix of a in Latin means 'opposite of' or 'not'. They have no specific leader, but instead they have 5 co-leaders. One of them is sitting in that chair." Copper gestured toward the unconscious man in the chair. "He's Leo. Probably the weakest in both physical and metaphorical sense of power."

Last edited by GlitchSprite (2011-01-30 19:30:56)


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#2 2011-01-29 10:36:09

Kileymeister
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Registered: 2008-04-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: Small book I'm writing

Dear God.

You used punctuation.


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#3 2011-01-29 10:38:26

GlitchSprite
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Registered: 2010-06-08
Posts: 1000+

Re: Small book I'm writing

Kileymeister wrote:

Dear God.

You used punctuation.

Yes I did

You have a problem with that


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#4 2011-01-29 14:49:46

Blade-Edge
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Registered: 2009-06-13
Posts: 1000+

Re: Small book I'm writing

Good story, but cocking your gun is just wasting a bullet, unless this is in the 1960s when they didn't have guns that automatically reloaded


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#5 2011-01-29 15:10:49

EmperorEvil
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Registered: 2009-02-13
Posts: 1000+

Re: Small book I'm writing

I didn't read it.
That is why I bother to post.


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#6 2011-01-29 15:36:41

GlitchSprite
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Registered: 2010-06-08
Posts: 1000+

Re: Small book I'm writing

Blade-Edge wrote:

Good story, but cocking your gun is just wasting a bullet, unless this is in the 1960s when they didn't have guns that automatically reloaded

It's kind of a long story

They're fugitives in an Archived City in the year 2200

EmperorEvil wrote:

I didn't read it.
That is why I bother to post.

Cool


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#7 2011-01-29 22:14:37

johndo77
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Registered: 2010-07-30
Posts: 1000+

Re: Small book I'm writing

GlitchSprite wrote:

If you want to bump a thread, at least say something.


Crizapples

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#8 2011-01-29 22:15:01

GlitchSprite
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Registered: 2010-06-08
Posts: 1000+

Re: Small book I'm writing

johndo77 wrote:

GlitchSprite wrote:

If you want to bump a thread, at least say something.

Nah


That's lame bro


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#9 2011-01-31 12:11:21

Andres-Vander
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Registered: 2010-09-16
Posts: 1000+

Re: Small book I'm writing

It has too much action but not interesting enough to pull me along. Also divide it up into paragraphs, it hurts my head to look at that massive block of text.


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#10 2011-01-31 21:35:38

GlitchSprite
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Registered: 2010-06-08
Posts: 1000+

Re: Small book I'm writing

Andres-Vander wrote:

It has too much action but not interesting enough to pull me along. Also divide it up into paragraphs, it hurts my head to look at that massive block of text.

There are paragraphs

Jegus


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