Scratch

Yes, they're everywhere. From gardens, to showers, to attics, to Argentina, and the list just goes on and on. Well, because of this, we are forced to live in fear amongst these "little demons". Our only hope is to have faith that there will be no garden gnomes to suddenly attack us. Yes, there has been reported attacks of these creatures performing slapsticky attacks on humans, just for their own amusement. To them, our pain is their, let's face it, sitcom. They seem to find humor in us crying. Of course, you would think that, us being the bigger ones, would be too strong for gnomes to take down. Unfortunately, it's a sad reality that we must admit. We must face it. It's true. There is no argument about it. We are too big to see these creatures. Well, fear no more. These easy, simple steps will help you be unstoppable against these guys.



1.
Have you heard of the magnifying glass trick, where you burn ants or something like that. Well, this is something you can try when a gnome attacks you. First off, you'll have to be very quick and have perfect aim. I mean really perfect. Very perfect. So perfect, you'll be like a king to them. A thing you can try to lure them, put out bait. Fish, mushrooms, and nails are just a few things you can use as bait. Attach your fish/mushroom/nail to a piece of string. Small rope, tooth floss, yarn, whatever you can use to tie the bait with. Once the gnome approaches your trap, reel 'em in really good! Sort of like a fishing rod. Prepare your magnifier. Grab him. Point the magnifying glass at his forehead, and he'll be running scared.

2.
If that doesn't quite work, you can try this. If you've ever observed a gnome's home, you'll need this information for this next move. Look at the features. It's not an ordinary architectural structure. In fact, it looks sort of like a hut. Grass on top. Stuff like that. You know what I mean? Construct something like a gnome hut and put it out on an area of grass of your choice. Not just grass, but bushes and trees work, too, but to make things easy, I suggest you use the grass. It's more out in the open if you know what I mean. Write " Kostenlos nach Hause " and, in no time, I'm sure you'll see one or two gnomes coming by. Maybe even a dozen. Or even a few dozen. Anyways, you'll have them in the hut looking around. Probably admiring everything. You'll need a butterfly net or a cage. Trap them! Easy as that. Nothing much to it.

3.
The last trick you can perform. Make friends with this gnome. If you be really nice to it, it'll calm down, so quit your whining, you big baby!

© 2011, All Things Useless


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