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#1 2010-12-20 11:58:35

ProgrammingFreak
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-09-04
Posts: 1000+

Yes, Another Story

Its funny how much I've been posting. I don't know what has gotten into me.

I have started to write a story{For 08jackt} called Reflection. Its one of the weirdest one.
Here is the Summary:

Everyone has a bad side. But you may not know that that bad side is a living being, coming to get you. You must defeat your bad side, before it takes over you! Your bad side lives on a planet called Trae. You live on Earth. And all the Holy Beings live in Haven.

Here is the first few chapters:

PROLOUGE

1925

A young boy and girl walk down a long hallway full of doors. Pictures hung on the wall of old people of the world. Their fate had come too early.
But the children wern't interested in anything like this. There weren't whispers of excitment and thrill. Instead, they looked ahead, at their destination.
As the hallway came to an end, they were met by a door. This door wasn't like the other off-white paint. This one seemed to be shining a faint blue from within.
The children were holding a box that was carved in a unique pattern.
"Must we do this? I will miss mother," said the little girl.
The boy looked at here, "So will I. And Father. But, we have a job. And we will fulfill it."
Then the boy opened the door and walked in with the girl following closely behind. And they would never return.

A few hours later, around dinner, the childrens mother went to their father.
"I have you seen the children, Wilbert?"
The father shook his head, "No. Where are they?"
The mother looked pale,"I don't know,"

After years of investigatons, the children were never found, and assumed dead.

_______________________________________

2010

CHAPTER ONE
The Watsons

Angel  sat in the back of the classroom with her twin brother, Owen. This was the last and worst period for the day. Math.
Angel was a 14 year old girl with brown wavy hair. her bright blue eyes were like a sea with the sun bouncing off of its edges.
Angel loved to write and when she grew up she wanted to be a author. But she didn't like writing down things like 5 x a = 8 x 5 / 2 . She liked writing about knights in shining armor, saving princess in distress.
Owen, loved to explore. You could always find him in the woods in their backyard.

...

That isn't all of the chapter. i'll add more later.

Last edited by ProgrammingFreak (2010-12-20 12:30:05)

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#2 2010-12-20 12:05:43

08jackt
Scratcher
Registered: 2007-09-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: Yes, Another Story

it's not a book.


http://i39.tinypic.com/jgtswi.png

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#3 2010-12-20 12:09:12

ProgrammingFreak
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-09-04
Posts: 1000+

Re: Yes, Another Story

i fixed it!

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#4 2010-12-20 12:09:44

08jackt
Scratcher
Registered: 2007-09-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: Yes, Another Story

ProgrammingFreak wrote:

i fixed it!

thanks. i will now skim through it.


http://i39.tinypic.com/jgtswi.png

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#5 2010-12-20 12:11:04

werdna123
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: Yes, Another Story

08jackt wrote:

it's not a book.

Ugh, why does that have to be said on every story topic?

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#6 2010-12-20 12:12:04

werdna123
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: Yes, Another Story

Awesome story!

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#7 2010-12-20 12:17:13

Sunrise-Moon
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-06-27
Posts: 1000+

Re: Yes, Another Story

It's pretty good, but the use of the word "stuff" in "She didn't like writing stuff like..." is very loose. I suggest rewriting that sentence using a different word or explaining it better.

Still, good story  smile .


http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u427/HulKDzN/RebornBlade.png

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#8 2010-12-20 12:25:13

08jackt
Scratcher
Registered: 2007-09-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: Yes, Another Story

nice- i liked what I read. kinda agree with Sunrise-Moon though.  smile


http://i39.tinypic.com/jgtswi.png

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#9 2010-12-20 12:29:35

ProgrammingFreak
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-09-04
Posts: 1000+

Re: Yes, Another Story

k. thank you with the suggestions. I'll change it. Um, do you like what the story is about? (The Summary)

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#10 2010-12-20 12:53:58

ProgrammingFreak
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-09-04
Posts: 1000+

Re: Yes, Another Story

ProgrammingFreak wrote:

k. thank you with the suggestions. I'll change it. Um, do you like what the story is about? (The Summary)

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