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#1 2010-12-19 20:11:14

JeanTheFox
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 1000+

A small clippet of writing

Just came up with it now.  tongue

A house that holds the key to the elaborate puzzle of time. Its subtle echoes reflect that of what had been. Once a palace built upon fresh soil, it glimmered with the pride that its owners once held. But days passed and nights came, bestowing upon it the unwanted gift of age. The years were accepted with quiet dignity, and soon the owners who once lived happily grew old and cynical, and the house became a ghostly shadow that hid among the sketchy morning light. Soon the owners had left to the place where no living man will ever dwell, and the house was silent. Can't even talk, can't even move, confined to itself in a vapid shell where life had once been. The thin layers of dust alighted on the furniture and the vermin dominated the kitchen come evening, and the gelid time hung in the air, as if awaiting things to come. The old hinges grew rusty, the appliances obsolete, and daring children searched for phantoms, while the house stood in the place it had always been, keeping vigil over the property, remembering the days when it had held parties and jolly guests. The house was now looked upon with disgust, the overgrown lawn clawing for the civilians that strolled the sidewalk. And a day where the air was still with the held breaths of waiting children, and frost dusted the corners of windows, a man walks up to the decrypt doorway and places a vibrant green holly leaf upon the solemn knocker, and the house seems to bend the old corners of its mouth into a smile that chafed at its long-forgotten boundaries.

Comments? Critiques? Complaints for the management?

Last edited by JeanTheFox (2010-12-20 20:10:59)

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#2 2010-12-19 20:13:59

AnimeCreatorArtist
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Registered: 2010-05-25
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

Saxiphone

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#3 2010-12-19 20:14:16

JeanTheFox
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

AnimeCreatorArtist wrote:

Saxiphone

What?

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#4 2010-12-19 20:33:46

webgal15
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-06-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

Amazing.  yikes

Now only using this account to post in Miscellaneous, but when Miss_Webgal becomes a Scratcher I'm ditching this account.

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#5 2010-12-19 20:34:54

JeanTheFox
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

webgal15 wrote:

Amazing.  yikes

Thanks, but I made it from scratch with no prewriting or anything. So it kind of stinks in my opinion  tongue

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#6 2010-12-19 20:56:39

Sunrise-Moon
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-06-27
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

JeanTheFox wrote:

webgal15 wrote:

Amazing.  yikes

Thanks, but I made it from scratch with no prewriting or anything. So it kind of stinks in my opinion  tongue

How could you say such a thing? I don't like the end though. Might want to reword it a bit.

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#7 2010-12-19 21:12:03

JeanTheFox
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

Sunrise-Moon wrote:

JeanTheFox wrote:

webgal15 wrote:

Amazing.  yikes

Thanks, but I made it from scratch with no prewriting or anything. So it kind of stinks in my opinion  tongue

How could you say such a thing? I don't like the end though. Might want to reword it a bit.

Yeah, I'll get to that.  smile

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#8 2010-12-19 21:13:46

roger-
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-02-13
Posts: 100+

Re: A small clippet of writing

Cool story bro.















JK it's actually pretty good

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#9 2010-12-19 21:22:20

JeanTheFox
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

roger- wrote:

it's actually pretty good

Thanks!

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#10 2010-12-19 21:55:55

Kileymeister
Scratcher
Registered: 2008-04-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

That's very good.  I like the vocabulary utilized in it.  Just a personal suggestion, use metaphors.  They make you sound smart.

Such as:

JeanTheFox wrote:

A house that seems to hold the key to the elaborate puzzle of time.

Into:

I editing wrote:

A house that holds the key to the elaborate puzzle of time.

Last edited by Kileymeister (2010-12-19 22:13:39)

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#11 2010-12-19 22:30:37

steppenwulf
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-07-23
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

Cool story cousin. It's good for coming up with it on the spot. I'm actually planning on writting a book about a kid who goes to some exciting place then moves back home. He gets bored of regular life, so he learned how to dream of going to exciting places. Eventually he gets stuck in a dream and can't wake up, then some bad stuff happens. Yea, it's just an idea atm.

I was inspired to write it after traveling across 3 states and numerous cities to get to my grandmas house in Nebraska. We stayed there for a week with alot of family, and then my regular life seemed so boring when I got back home  tongue

I'm graduating HS this April and going to college in the Fall.

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#12 2010-12-20 03:05:47

werdna123
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

Awesome!

TETRIS4PROS

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#13 2010-12-20 06:10:41

ProgrammingFreak
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-09-04
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

nice! why are you making a new account?

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#14 2010-12-20 10:32:54

PW132
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-05-16
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

Not bad.  big_smile

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#15 2010-12-20 15:02:56

JeanTheFox
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 1000+

Re: A small clippet of writing

Kileymeister wrote:

That's very good.  I like the vocabulary utilized in it.  Just a personal suggestion, use metaphors.  They make you sound smart.

Such as:

JeanTheFox wrote:

A house that seems to hold the key to the elaborate puzzle of time.

Into:

I editingA house that holds the key to the elaborate puzzle of time.

Okay!  smile

steppenwulf wrote:

Cool story cousin. It's good for coming up with it on the spot. I'm actually planning on writting a book about a kid who goes to some exciting place then moves back home. He gets bored of regular life, so he learned how to dream of going to exciting places. Eventually he gets stuck in a dream and can't wake up, then some bad stuff happens. Yea, it's just an idea atm.

I was inspired to write it after traveling across 3 states and numerous cities to get to my grandmas house in Nebraska. We stayed there for a week with alot of family, and then my regular life seemed so boring when I got back home  tongue

Well, a lot of stories start with experiences  big_smile

werdna123 wrote:

Awesome!

Thanks!

ProgrammingFreak wrote:

nice! why are you making a new account?

No particular reason  smile

PW132 wrote:

Not bad.  big_smile

Thankies  big_smile

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