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#1 2010-11-22 08:00:23

DarkForce1998
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-05
Posts: 500+

My Novel!

Hey guys 'n' girls I have been writing a story for general pleasure as I'm sick off school and had nothing else to do! Here it is and I want you to give me feeback (Its only the first chapter) Hope you Enjoy.
btw its really short if you put it all together... its just got loads of like 5 word lines

Mushroom Magic

The Mushrooms and the voices

The city is full of roads, alleyways and high-rise buildings. However if you were to stretch your mind you’ll find it’s not what you’d expect. It is full of life and odd behaviour from people eating fire to mushrooms that form circles, the city has it all.
This is what this book is about. Life in the city and how one boy managed to unlock the secrets of this world. There is one problem with this. These secrets are best kept hidden.

It all started when a boy named Felix and his friend Andy went to Hyde Park for a school trip in London. It so happened that these two boys were to stumble across a gateway into the unknown…

“Hey Andy, come over here.”
“Wot?”
Felix a skinny fifteen year old boy with short blond very curious of the world was almost completely different from his best friend Andy. Andy a sixteen year old black male was bald. He was very athletic and was the best at every sport in his year.
Andy jogged over to Felix
“It’s just a bunch of mushrooms.” He said like it was the lamest thing in the world.
“Yeh, but look they’re in a circle.” Felix replied
“Oh yeah I didn’t notice that!” said Andy in a sarcastic tone “How very interesting.” Completely changing the tone of his voice he then said “Dude get a grip it’s just a bunch of mushrooms!” Then he walked off.
Felix now standing in the middle of the circle heard some sort of weird growl behind him. Quickly whipping round to see what made the noise. But nothing was there.
Without looking back he walked over to the group.
“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost!” Andy told Felix.
“I heard a noise…” Felix said dreamily
“What a mushroom farting?” said Andy laughing.
“Hey! That’s not funny.” exclaimed Felix.
They walked on for a few minutes then Felix heard the noise again. Stopping dead in his tracks he then heard a faint whisper.
“You can hear us…”
“What is up with you?” Andy said looking back at Felix.
“Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?” said Andy with great confusion.
“That voice…
“What voice?”
“You realise…”
“There it is again!”
“Maybe you’re imagining things… Look we’re gonna fall behind.” Andy said with worry spread upon his face.
“But…”
“Not now!” Andy cut in.
They hurried to catch up with the group.
“What is wrong with you…?” Andy asked Felix
“I-I dunno…” Felix had a blank expression on his face.
“Maybe you need to see doctor…”
“Maybe you two should stop wandering off!” yelled the teacher “Get back to the group.”
They hadn’t noticed hat the group had stopped walking about 100ft away. They both looked at each other with an ‘oops’ expression on there faces. “Maybe there is something wrong with me” Felix thought to himself “but it was so real!”

Last edited by DarkForce1998 (2010-11-22 08:11:17)


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#2 2010-11-22 08:12:12

DarkForce1998
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-05
Posts: 500+

Re: My Novel!

does anyone think i should make this into an animation


http://i55.tinypic.com/2qw381g.png

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#3 2010-11-22 10:26:42

johndo77
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-07-30
Posts: 1000+

Re: My Novel!

Grammer police, coming through! In the second sentence, when you say ( . However, ) it should be ( ; however, )                    [/grammerpolice]

Oh yeah, great imagery.


Crizapples

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#4 2010-11-22 10:43:32

DarkForce1998
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-05
Posts: 500+

Re: My Novel!

johndo77 wrote:

Grammer police, coming through! In the second sentence, when you say ( . However, ) it should be ( ; however, )                    [/grammerpolice]

Oh yeah, great imagery.

Thanks! I did tell me to use ; but i didn't know what it meant


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#5 2010-11-22 11:10:15

werdna123
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: My Novel!

Great story! I'd give it 4/5!

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#6 2010-11-22 14:08:55

DarkForce1998
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-05
Posts: 500+

Re: My Novel!

werdna123 wrote:

Great story! I'd give it 4/5!

Thanks


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#7 2010-11-22 14:43:24

shugocharafan88
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-10-07
Posts: 1000+

Re: My Novel!

Cool


http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m37925cD311qbdrz4o1_r2_500.gif I'm back. Here's a Kento/Shori kiss.

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#8 2010-11-23 11:22:20

DarkForce1998
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-05
Posts: 500+

Re: My Novel!

bump


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#9 2010-11-23 14:07:15

PoDo
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-02-23
Posts: 500+

Re: My Novel!

wow this is awsome


http://i1214.photobucket.com/albums/cc498/Rubber_Dawg/Stop%20SOPA%20and%20PIPA/SOPAPIPA2.jpg

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