Scratch

Here is a story that I am currently writing. Comments and Criticism is wanted.



Jack the Space-ranger v.s Dr. Evil Mutant Squid Pirate           
Written by Orion R. ( Mohawkg2 )

                               Day 1

    It was a normal day at the Intergalactic Federation of National Space and Science, ( I.F.O.N.S.A.S.) and Jack, a new recruit, was just getting accepted into the federation. " Alright Jack, on all accounts, you are accepted of your duties of a space-ranger. Do you accept the duties of being a space-ranger?" Said the leader of  I.F.O.N.S.A.S. " Yes, yes I do." Said Jack. " Alright, your first assignment will be issued tomorrow, alright?"  "Yes."  "Good, now please exit the room."  "Ok."
Jack walked out of the room, and headed toward his room. As he entered, his friend Tim piped up, " Didja get the spot?" " YEAH!" "NICE JOB BUDDY!" Jack walked toward his couch and plopped onto it. " My first assignment will be tomorrow." " Oh cool." "Yeah." "Did you hear about the recent outbreaks of bank robberies? All on the same planet too!" He exclaimed. " Really?!" " Yeah! I'll show you the article on the Galactic Times." Tim walked toward his computer. He booted it up and clicked on the saved article.  " Hello this is reporter John Smith on the scene of the crime, one of the many robberies reported since last Friday. Here is a man who reported to actually see the robber! Hello Mr. [ name deleted for safety  reasons ], and what exactly did the  robber look like?" " Well, uh, he kind of looked like he had more than 2 arms, and he only had 1 eye. Thats all i could remember." " Well O.K. Thanks for talking with the Galactic Times Mr.******, and to all, have a good day!
"Oh wow, thats quite a subject Tim." " Ha ha, I know." Wow! Look at the clock Tim! Its time to go to bed." " O.K." The two boys went to bed.

                                     Day 2

    *BEEP** BEEP**BEEP* SLAP! Jack hit the alarm clock. " Uh, time to get up already?!" said Jack, dazed. He jumped out of bed. He slapped on some clothes and walked over to Tim's bed. He shook  him. " Uh, Uh , UH." Said Tim. " No momma, it's too early... uh.....ugh..." He sat up. " Oh ...... hi Jack." He got out of bed and also got some clothes on. They plodded out of their room and walked toward the cafeteria. " What's for breakfast Tim?" " How should I know?" " I just thought you would know." " Oh." They walked into the cafe, and walked into the queue of people waiting for breakfast. As they got closer, they could smell the smoky smell of bacon, and the sizzling of the sausages. " Oh, that smells totally delectable!" Said Tim.  "Yeah, it does." Said Jack. After they got their food, they walked over to a table with one of their best friends. " Hey guys." Said Tina, one of their friends. " I just got a new phone!!"  She screeched. " Wow, nice....." Said Tim. " Yeah, nice phone Tina." Added Jack. They sat down. " Tim's sister walked over. " Tim... mom wants you." Said Sophia, his sister. " Ok." He got up and walked toward the cafe's door. " Oh yeah, I forgot that your mom works here." Said Jack. " Yeah, well bye." Said Sophia.