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#1 2010-10-29 15:18:03

samurai768
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-07-21
Posts: 1000+

A scary story by me.

This is actually pretty scary. It based a bit off of Kileymiester's Escape, but it goes a whole different way.

Subject 23

Prologue
"Whff aff uff uh doffg?" David tried to yell through the clean, white duct tape muffling him. His voice was squeaky, as he was only 7.
David struggled to get out of the men's brawny arms, but it was no use. He shrieked as the men pulled out a giant needle with a thick purple liquid out and injected it into his arm.
Sandra was pulled through the next hallway. She was knocked out.
David vision was cloudy, and still blurring. He was dragged onto a cold, hard bed, and a scientist stuck a sticker on his chest.
He was Subject 23.

Chapter 1
David took out his sharpie marker out the cup and started planning again. He needed every aspect to be correct. Taking a look at his Physics book again, he made some last minute changes.
He could almost taste the freedom. The beautiful green grass, the white puffy clouds, each and every last daisy planted near the asphalt road. It was almost in his grasp. How he missed the taste of real food, not the sterilized tofu he ate for the last 4 years.
The plan was genius. Not like his other attempts, the last one being he broke his leg.
"BANG!"
He hit his head on the wall.
Just like every other time, the scientists came to take the poor injured David to the Medi-room. David kept quiet.
"I hope this isn't another one of those stupid tricks again." complained Dr.Gregory.
David almost giggled. As he was pulled into the medical room, he waited until they let go of he scrawny and bruised arms.
He leaped from the rolling medical bed and jumped towards the clear doors that led to the safe room. He took the lock he created from scrap metal forks and a pocket lamp and secured the door. The plexi-glass doors flexed as a giant group of scientists pressed and banged against it.
David read the sign glued to the the door.
"In case of accidental explosion"
He wondered when that would happen.
"A couple pieces of flavored jerky, water, a cooler, and a speaker." he recited his
surroundings, "Time to get crackin'."

I know, I know. Not that good. I'm trying though  tongue

Last edited by samurai768 (2010-10-29 15:35:50)

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#2 2010-10-29 15:20:58

FlexiStudio
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-02-28
Posts: 1000+

Re: A scary story by me.

Nice!
I'ts fantastic, especially the way you made it hang in suspense when he is Subject 23. I think I should bring out a Halloween story soon  tongue


Hey I'm back!-
FlexiStudio

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#3 2010-10-29 15:31:24

Kileymeister
Scratcher
Registered: 2008-04-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: A scary story by me.

Nice.  I like the air of mystery it gives.

My English teacher always told me that powerful verbs make a story much more interesting for a reader.  Just a helpful tip as you keep writing.    wink


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