Scratch

Hey guys. This is a story that I wrote a week ago, and I'm still working on.
Note I have done no studying yet on brain surgery, so this is all Sci-fi. 

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

It was an empty room. Mostly empty. The only thing in the room was a computer set and a small man. The man’s hand held a wafer-thin stylus, so delicate that breathing on it too hard could break it. He swung his hand in wide motions over a small keyboard, tapping and sliding. Tapping and sliding. On the screen the image of a head appeared, so detailed it looked like it was under a microscope.
    It was a shaven head, bald in a wide circle on top. The only thing on that spot was several marks of red ink. The man continued his pattern, and a robotic arm on the screen cut the skin with a scalpel accordingly. Finally the brain was exposed, and the surgeon pressed a key, and more robotic arms lifted the brain delicately out of the skull, and a small clamp was clipped to the stem to hold the brains charge. Several needles came out and pricked at specific areas on the stem, then cut it off completely. The clamp distributed a charge and kept the brain running. Slowly and surely the arms transferred the brain to a small metal skull. Wires were drawn to the electricity, a feature that had just recently been added. Finally the clamp was released and the brain’s electricity jumped to the robot.
    Immediately the arms whipped back and the cap was sealed onto the brain top in less than a second. Suddenly the robot thrashed out, whipping its limbs and head. The synthesized eyes flickered and the synthetic skin stretched at the hands and arms.
    Then all was still. The robot-human fell back into the chair and the clicking of steel arteries filled came from the speakers. The arms returned, placing the skull top back on the empty body’s head and sewing up the skin again. The man sat up and walked to the door, but before he could get his hand near the knob it was opened. A tall, imposing shape stood in the door.
    “How is he?” Echoed a dark voice. “Will he make it?”
    “I am pretty sure he will, sir.” Said the small, round man, pushing back straggly gray hair. “The transfer was a success, and the brain and heart are functioning.”
    “Good.” Replied the dark shape. It turned and moved its shadowy body down the hallway to a second door. The stout man followed, wary of what his employer wanted to see.
    “Allow me, sir.” Opening the door, the short man rushed up to his latest creation. He breathed a sigh of relief when he say that everything was working, and the monitors above the padded chair read that of a healthy human.
    “Behold the A-000. The latest in medical technology, a revolution in eternal life.” The man ran a jittering hand across the smooth, artificial skin of his creation. “With this model, humans can live forever, or at least longer than expected.”   
    “I don’t care about your dainty little presentation,” Barked the taller one. “What I do care about is if my father is going to live.”
    “Of course he will!” Shouted the smaller one. “This is my greatest invention! I would bet my life this robot would pull through.” Reading the son’s face, the surgeon could tell he was in no mood to be shouted at. Adjusting his tone, he continued. “The robot is ready to run its life procedure. The brain acts as a natural battery and should keep the robot going.”
    “Good. When will we run it? My patience is running thin, Wedsley.”
    “I hate that name.” Wedsley said. “And here is the starter button. Go wild.”
    The tall, dark man took the button and slammed it. The robot gave a kick and its eyes shot open, taking in everything surrounding it.
    “Hello?” It said unsurely. “Where am I? Why do I feel so strange?”
    “Father? Are you okay?” Said the tall figure.
    “Of course he’s okay, because I am a genius.” Said Wedsley indignantly.

That's how far I've gotten.

Any critiques? I'll be okay with it 

Last edited by JeanTheFox (2010-10-05 20:02:21)