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#1 2010-07-18 17:59:15
Microsoft Windows Future Edition features [JOKE]
Note: I found this on a website
Integrated and Bundled unremoveably with:
- Everything! All Microsoft products are included, and non-Microsoft products no longer exist.
Advertised New Features:
- It's New! So you have to buy it!
- It's Shinier! So you have to buy it!
- It's Cooler! So you have to buy it!
- It's Mostest Awsumest! So you have to buy it!
- And for the computer geek: it's even more 1337! So you have to buy it!
Un-Advertised New features
- Everyone is required by law to purchase the latest upgrade of Microsoft Windows, for national security reasons and to make sure you are not an evil pirate, so... you have to buy it.
- 143 new applications added to the existing cluster of 18,432 Microsoft "Office" applications. (Purpose unknown)
- Internet Explorer, now integrated down to the subatomic level.
- Microsoft ThinkRight, a plug-in to Microsoft Barny that prevents you from thinking anything bad about Microsoft. ThinkRight++, that additionally injects good thoughts about Microsoft, will be rolled out as a separate update when the issues of fatally excessive pants creaming are fully addressed (Microsoft is still having troubles adapting this former Apple technology)
Min requirements:
- 1024-bit x86 compatible, one thousand cores with 900 reallybigaherts or higher.
- 640 Truckloads of Ram. (should be enough for anybody)
- 74 Hojilabytes of HD space
- An octal subspace connection or faster to the internet so Bill can better access your files.
- A 2000 inch monitor for the new, even larger tool bars.
- ActiveHappyFunEnjoyment eye, ear, and anal implants are required to watch moves, due to new DRM.
- A 5D reality-shifting accelerated video card with a built in nuclear power plant for full functionality, or a 4D video card with dual coal plants for basic functionality.
Known bugs:
- Windows will not run without an octal subspace network connection to Microsoft. Unfortunately in the USA Internet service providers still connect people with a pair of tin cans and a piece of string.
- Will not boot up before the heat-death of the universe if CPU time dilation is disabled.
- MICROSOFT THINKRIGHT++ ENABLED, YOU NO LONGER KNOW OF ANY BUGS.
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#2 2010-07-18 18:05:29
Re: Microsoft Windows Future Edition features [JOKE]
ThePCKid wrote:
- Everyone is required by law to purchase the latest upgrade of Microsoft Windows, for national security reasons and to make sure you are not an evil pirate, so... you have to buy it.
That reminds me of a computer we used to have... Suddenly, we kept on getting these popup message from "Microsoft Genuine Advantage" that told us our version of Windows was pirated, which it wasn't. So they stopped our computer from working, the warranty had long since expired, so we couldn't take it back in, besides, we had put in an extra hard-drive so they wouldn't have taken it anyways. So essentially, Microsoft shut down our computer for no reason. As revenge, we switched to Linux (with an old computer from my dad's work)... but then got tired of it and switched back to Windows, which was an adequate replacement from the old 10-year-old-computer that Microsoft told us wasn't real.
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#3 2010-07-18 18:07:11
Re: Microsoft Windows Future Edition features [JOKE]
coolstuff wrote:
ThePCKid wrote:
- Everyone is required by law to purchase the latest upgrade of Microsoft Windows, for national security reasons and to make sure you are not an evil pirate, so... you have to buy it.
That reminds me of a computer we used to have... Suddenly, we kept on getting these popup message from "Microsoft Genuine Advantage" that told us our version of Windows was pirated, which it wasn't. So they stopped our computer from working, the warranty had long since expired, so we couldn't take it back in, besides, we had put in an extra hard-drive so they wouldn't have taken it anyways. So essentially, Microsoft shut down our computer for no reason. As revenge, we switched to Linux (with an old computer from my dad's work)... but then got tired of it and switched back to Windows, which was an adequate replacement from the old 10-year-old-computer that Microsoft told us wasn't real.
The genuine thing happened to one of my friends at school 
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#4 2010-07-21 14:34:59
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#6 2010-07-22 02:14:46
Re: Microsoft Windows Future Edition features [JOKE]
ThePCKid wrote:
coolstuff wrote:
ThePCKid wrote:
- Everyone is required by law to purchase the latest upgrade of Microsoft Windows, for national security reasons and to make sure you are not an evil pirate, so... you have to buy it.
That reminds me of a computer we used to have... Suddenly, we kept on getting these popup message from "Microsoft Genuine Advantage" that told us our version of Windows was pirated, which it wasn't. So they stopped our computer from working, the warranty had long since expired, so we couldn't take it back in, besides, we had put in an extra hard-drive so they wouldn't have taken it anyways. So essentially, Microsoft shut down our computer for no reason. As revenge, we switched to Linux (with an old computer from my dad's work)... but then got tired of it and switched back to Windows, which was an adequate replacement from the old 10-year-old-computer that Microsoft told us wasn't real.
The genuine thing happened to one of my friends at school
That happened to one of my computers. A system restore to before some how stoped it.
My site Find someone post count. Click posts under username. Find number of pages. Times that by 40 for min and 60 for max and you have a rough estimate of post count.
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