Scratch

PlayWithFire · 2010-03-04 00:10:07

hey this is a short story i wrote called half demon. Please don't reproduce or copy, my friends and I are going to make it into a short film. so please help by giving us your opinion on the story.

http://scratch.mit.edu/forums/viewtopic.php?id=31865 view the latest version of the story here!

Last edited by PlayWithFire (2010-03-15 20:11:12)

PlayWithFire · 2010-03-04 15:27:30

bump

fanofcena · 2010-03-05 01:08:56

saved to read it later

Jonathanpb · 2010-03-05 01:21:32

Hey, that's brilliant! Finally someone who can write stories...

I'd fix your grammar though. tongue

PlayWithFire · 2010-03-05 01:23:50

@ fanofcena: cool
@ jonathonpb: for once someone has finally gotten mad at my grammar in the exact right momeny. I agree, I really need to work on grammar. this is just version one though smile
and thanks for the awesome compliment!!!

Edit:
ill post the newer version soon but im still unsure about the ending as for most short stories I write everyone ends up dead. Seems I have a creepy tendency in short stories.

Last edited by PlayWithFire (2010-03-05 01:25:39)

Paradox · 2010-03-05 07:17:04

Someone went through alot of trouble to make sure it's not stolen. When I read the title half demon, I figured it would be about that white haired dog guy (anyone know his name? I forgot it) so I didn't even come in here till now

PlayWithFire · 2010-03-05 19:40:58

Paradox wrote:
Someone went through alot of trouble to make sure it's not stolen. When I read the title half demon, I figured it would be about that white haired dog guy (anyone know his name? I forgot it) so I didn't even come in here till now

yah i made it into images so if someone wants to retype it then it will be an image, i also sized each picture differently and added a watermark lol.
btw what dog thing?

cheezface · 2010-03-13 03:44:39

you know, I don't think the third one is a good idea, it goes too fast. the first one was dumb and the second one didn't say much.

Last edited by cheezface (2010-03-13 03:45:45)

iCode-747 · 2010-03-13 04:36:09

I'm the bad guy! XD

PlayWithFire · 2010-03-13 18:32:09

oh i didn't realise that this story was still getting views
the newest version is out now, it's got better endings and a different kind of story.
http://scratch.mit.edu/forums/viewtopic.php?id=31865
in fact could a mod please close this thread.

Ace-of-Spades · 2010-03-13 23:21:14

Is this the same thing as the other one? I didn't (or couldn't actually because of resizing) read this one.

PlayWithFire · 2010-03-15 19:37:06

its similar but the other one is the more recent one which explains more.

Ace-of-Spades · 2010-03-15 19:41:00

Also if Full Demons can't walk the Earth, how did the first Half Demon appear?

PlayWithFire · 2010-03-15 19:51:28

Ace-of-Spades wrote:
Also if Full Demons can't walk the Earth, how did the first Half Demon appear?

i totally saw this question coming
the truth is the half demon's don't know and i don't explain it because it would be a waste of time. Well the legend would have been that a long time ago When satan was cast out of heaven he was thrown to the earth. He was the only demon that ever walked the earth. he started creating half demons the same way that half demons created other half demons. after he built himself an army on the surface they made terrible things happen etc etc... killed people etc... they were outnumbered by mankind and satan was banished to hell but not after creating another half demon to continue the work. so it involves like a whole other story behind the original. This could actually be made into a bigger novel and i plan on writing one too. thanks for constructive criticism though because its helping me delve deeper into the characters and plot.

littletonkslover · 2010-03-15 19:53:51

I get scared easily but death is fun. Should I read it? tongue

Ace-of-Spades · 2010-03-15 19:59:48

It's not really full of death at all.

J0j2 · 2010-03-15 19:59:53

Wow! I love the story idea and I think it's amazing. Congrats! But, there should be more bonding between Xavier and Violet. It's kind of wierd that she knows Morgan's outside and wants to go with Xavier. It's a fantastic idea! man I wish I had thought of that! (No I won't copy! XD)

Thanks for sharing!

littletonkslover · 2010-03-15 20:02:15

Animals have souls. tongue

Ace-of-Spades · 2010-03-15 20:03:10

Not gerbils. They're just plain evil.

PlayWithFire · 2010-03-15 20:09:40

J0j2 wrote:
Wow! I love the story idea and I think it's amazing. Congrats! But, there should be more bonding between Xavier and Violet. It's kind of wierd that she knows Morgan's outside and wants to go with Xavier. It's a fantastic idea! man I wish I had thought of that! (No I won't copy! XD)

Thanks for sharing!

wow thanks!

and tonks you should read it, if your scared very easily don't read ending one but ending two is not scary at all. one is just a bit creepy but it's only text. the short film would be scarier lol.

btw about the gerbil comment i would say that about hamsters

i once had a hamster (it was my sisters though) i held it once and it took a dump on my hand
i decided to forgive this hamster but just in case I had a tissue on my hand the next time i held it
sure enough it took another dump on my hand, but I was happy as u'd outsmarted it.
Then I Was unhappy as I realised it was now peeing on my hand through the tissue

Hamster: 1
Me: 0

well played

ALSO MAKE SURE TO VIEW THE NEWEST VERSION OF THE STORY HERE http://scratch.mit.edu/forums/viewtopic.php?id=31865 IT GOES MORE IN DEPTH.

Last edited by PlayWithFire (2010-03-15 20:10:24)

Ace-of-Spades · 2010-03-15 20:16:49

Gerbils have a tendency to bite my hand whenever I hold them. Well so do hamsters actually. But this one time, a gerbil ran up my shirt sleeve and then just disappeared. Later when I got home, I realized it was in my hoodie as it jumped onto my head and nearly gave me a heart attack.

PlayWithFire · 2010-03-15 20:34:37

well that sucks.

anyone read the updated story yet?

Ace-of-Spades · 2010-03-15 20:42:48

Going to read it now.

PlayWithFire · 2010-03-15 20:45:26

i think you already have you commented on the other one anyway.

Scratch

archived forums

#1 2010-03-04 00:10:07

Half Demon

#2 2010-03-04 15:27:30

Re: Half Demon

#3 2010-03-05 01:08:56

Re: Half Demon

#4 2010-03-05 01:21:32

Re: Half Demon

#5 2010-03-05 01:23:50

Re: Half Demon

#6 2010-03-05 07:17:04

Re: Half Demon

#7 2010-03-05 19:40:58

Re: Half Demon

Paradox wrote:

#8 2010-03-13 03:44:39

Re: Half Demon

#9 2010-03-13 04:36:09

Re: Half Demon

#10 2010-03-13 18:32:09

Re: Half Demon

#11 2010-03-13 23:21:14

Re: Half Demon

#12 2010-03-15 19:37:06

Re: Half Demon

#13 2010-03-15 19:41:00

Re: Half Demon

#14 2010-03-15 19:51:28

Re: Half Demon

Ace-of-Spades wrote:

#15 2010-03-15 19:53:51

Re: Half Demon

#16 2010-03-15 19:59:48

Re: Half Demon

#17 2010-03-15 19:59:53

Re: Half Demon

#18 2010-03-15 20:02:15

Re: Half Demon

#19 2010-03-15 20:03:10

Re: Half Demon

#20 2010-03-15 20:09:40

Re: Half Demon

J0j2 wrote:

#21 2010-03-15 20:16:49

Re: Half Demon

#22 2010-03-15 20:34:37

Re: Half Demon

#23 2010-03-15 20:42:48

Re: Half Demon

#24 2010-03-15 20:45:26

Re: Half Demon

Board footer