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#26 2010-01-19 12:08:38
- RHY3756547
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2009-08-15
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Mystery of the Mountain - The story
juststickman wrote:
RHY3756547 wrote:
It's me, of course.
...
...
I have no time for storys (and no Imaaagination) so it's not me.You misspelt "stories"
And?
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#27 2010-01-19 12:49:57
- everythingRhymes
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2009-12-03
- Posts: 100+
Re: Mystery of the Mountain - The story
it's definitely FMT
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The rules of the internet:#29 2010-01-19 14:52:15
Re: Mystery of the Mountain - The story
Okay, lets talk about the story. First off, it moves way too fast. In a page length, about, you moved through 4 chapters and events that would and should take at least thirty pages. Add more detial, background and stuff. The pacing is weird too. YOu add in dialogue, but then jump ahead. Slow it down.
From Chap 2-3, you skip two weeks. What happened? Why didn't Scott talk? You need to add detail.
Also, put dialogue in its own paragraph, not inside one. At the very leats, put it on the edges, wither at the begining or the end.
I hope this helps you.
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#30 2010-01-19 16:04:18
- Ace-of-Spades
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-01-08
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Mystery of the Mountain - The story
Who the heck is Scott?
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#31 2010-01-19 16:10:41
Re: Mystery of the Mountain - The story
Written wrote:
Chapter 2:
... "You!" I said "Why did you leave the beach?" I yelled at him. I guess I should be more grateful, but I had other things on my mind. "Name's Relldo. Scott Relldo." Those were the first and last words he ever said.
Last edited by TheSaint (2010-01-19 16:11:04)
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#32 2010-01-19 16:19:39
Re: Mystery of the Mountain - The story
He doesn't talk. Period.
And obviously it's gonna move fast since the majority of the story takes place somewhere else
Also, it's a short story. Not like I'm actually writing a book. I mean why on earth would I put it on a site then before I publish and copyright it?
As for that last quote, thanks for pointing out my error. I had 5 minutes to class and I was rushing.
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#34 2010-01-19 16:46:36
- Ace-of-Spades
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-01-08
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Mystery of the Mountain - The story
I have no idea what the story's about.
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