Scratch

TheSaint wrote:

Okay, I have come back, mostly because I havn't been on because of school, and I have so far found at least three stories, all written so-so. Most of them lack detail, and could use major lenghthning, details and pace adjustment.

People have been using sentences instead of paragraphs, and from what I have read, it seems more like a plot outline with dialogue than an actual story. Rather than write:

So-So Story wrote:

A storm was coming, and the soldiers were marching through it.

Boring, and doesn't really give much detail. Plus, it moves the reader through the story at such a fast pace, it makes them feel rushed. Try this instead:

Good Story (I believe) wrote:

.....Lightning arced through the sky above, laden with clouds as black as the night itself. The clouds seemed to be on the breaking point of a deluge so great it seemed like they were holding back the ocean itself. The wind howled and streaked through the pass, grabbing at anything light and free moving. Several times the horses stumbled from its mighty blaze. The air felt thick with tension, as if it knew of the battle to come. The ground trembled in the armies passing, and the cliffs reverberated with the sound of metal boots clinking in perfect rhythm.
.....Thunder rumbled through the sky, and lightning flashed from behind the silhouette of the trees on the canyon walls. Several men looked around nervously, unsure of the weather. A couple horses brayed and took several seconds for the owner to calm. The animals seemed on the brink of panic, as if their instincts knew of what would happen. Most of the soldiers, however, were calm.

This gives much more detail, and sets the scene much better than the last one. Plus, it provides the mood for which the reader to feel, and reflect on. The pace is alot slower too, as it takes much longer to say the same thing.

If you have any tips for people, give them here. Hopefully, people will learn to become better writers, which is what this is all about.

My story, or part of it, will be below.

Well, take mind that most Scratchers are not even in highschool or some arent even in middle school.

Wolfie1996 wrote:

The "good story" in the example is a little repetitive - it uses "itself" a bit much for my liking. And "arched" is spelt wrong, I think - just to let you know 

Thanks for the advice. Will look into it.

ScratchX, I do realize that most of the scratch population is younger, but that doesn't mean that I can't help them. it is not meant to critisize, but to help. I don't know anyone of that age who can't write more than a paragraph. The point is to help them become better, which if they want to, they can.

Lucario621 wrote:

Well I have to admit you have a point, but remember, these are just kids.

I get that. The point is to help that. If my post seems critizizing, just tell me. Oh, and your one of those kids, remember?

Last edited by TheSaint (2010-01-19 15:50:38)