Scratch

Brings back to life by going back in time and stopping you from killing yourself.

Puts a time bomb in myself, sets up cannons that fire when anyone goes by the area, sets laser shields around me, stops time for everywhere out of the laser shield, sets turrets to shoot if the bomb doesn't work, loads tons of binary arrows into one cannon aiming at me, sets triggers everywhere inside the laser shield that go off when stepped on which activate mines under me, gets wild hunter animals to attack me and puts a bounty on my head for all of my money, and puts on anti-protection clothes.

I delete the words "I kill myself(I died! You failed!)" from the forum entry; therefore, you didn't die.

I kill the grandfathers of the people who keep on saving me, so that they don't exist to save me. I then hire the Chinese mafia to shoot me in the head.

Time rewinds to a minute before you die, but this time you avoid whatever kills you in the first place.

I take a bath and (somehow) drop a toaster into the water when I get in. And it's plugged into the wall. And the breaker's on. And the power works and doesn't go out.

You never turned it on  . I unlock it and take you out.

I play "The Suicide Game (Oh Joy)" (this one is going to be tricky)