Scratch

... i throw it out the window, it hits a car, the car moves forward a bit, it hits my neighbor, my neighbor comes into my house and yells at me, they then leave the house, as i walk down the stairs i see a message on my answering machine saying that everyone i know is dead, i then stab myself
lol

a book, made of ivory

I give it Metamorphosis powder, and it becomes a giant pink lizard that eats me.

Chuck Norris

I eat it.

A rock

You don't breathe so you die.

Anti-matter (oh joy!!! nukes!!!)

Coke bottle

i take it, clone myself and get my clone to kill me

a penguin in a blender.

I try to write "Caution, blender" only I write "hello" instead before randomly choking a lampost (Don't ask ^^)

A cloud

SuperKing wrote:

the cloud explodes and teh rain drowns me

*Comes back to life* 

You need to post something for the next person to tragically whack themselves with 

I think that explains all 
3rd death xP

A tiny pinball.

Ummmmm... I choke on it.

a laser light.

I push it, and the world explodes... WHAT!?@!

A supersonic jet.

I break it then use 'Avada kadvra'. THe spell backfires and kills me.

A rubber Hamtaro figure.

I form some wierd dust crystal before Barney the dinosaur eats me and runs off 

A laptop.. A red laptop