Scratch

How to Play Dead
The Complete Guide by 08jackt

You Will Need
1. This Guide
2. Red Paint (Optional)
3. A White Sheet

Steps
1. Drop down to the floor, making a dramatic sound of pain. (You may also want to role you eyes around and scream. Also if you have red paint handy on you, smear it over your self)
2. When on the floor, curl up into a ball, while continuing to make dramatic noises.
3. Close your eyes.
4. Now Stand up again, cover your self in a white sheet and pretend to be the spirit of your body.
5. You'll now be safe. If not, run.

Troubleshooting
If, which is most likely, this guide has not helped, but indeed made the situation worse, then simply repeat the Steps until you are safe and away from danger. If you die, then please tell a doctor, cause im pretty sure dead people aren't supposed to be able to read. Also, if you this Troubleshooting guide has made it even worse, then there is only one solution. Pray to God. Of course, if your responsible for those anti-religous topics, you can not do this. Instead pray to President Obama. If your lucky, he will answer your pray. If not....well your pretty much screwed.

Terms and Conditions
I am not-well only partily responsible for the death of the user of this guide. Please do not blame me. Simply blame your self for not following the carefuly researched steps and troubleshooting guide. If you have any issues, please feel free to phone costumer support, 00034884940.