Scratch

I just wrote a prologue for a book I'm writing. Here ya go:

Emma ran down the curving hallway, left, right, left, right. She ran into a dead end and turned around with hesitation, desperate to get away. The platform under began crumbling and she leaped over, landing nimbly on the other side and continuing the sprint.
     Her sides ached, but she couldn’t stop, not now, not until she escaped. She couldn’t fail! It would bring shame and grief to her family and she would never see them again, never see anyone again.
     Left, left, right, dead end, backtrack, right, left, right, right, straight, dead end. The maze was endless. She glimpsed cameras tracking her movements but she didn’t care. She knew they were watching her, and would know if she failed, but still she ran, the walls and everything around her a blur.
     The walls were shining white. That meant she was close to the exit! And then she stopped. A large metal door barred her way, not a crack or hole marring it’s surface. Emma felt the metal, running her hand along it as fast as she could without missing anything. Nothing. She tried again, becoming more desperate as she heard the clanking and screeching of the crumbling metal behind her. There! A small flap blended in with the door so perfectly she could never of noticed had her hand not brushed it open.
     A minuscule keypad with nine numbers slightly glowed on the door. She cursed, but knew better than to type in random numbers. The collapse of the huge room would just speed up if she got it wrong.
     Emma felt the walls around her, looking for something similar to the flap that covered the keypad. There was none. Focus! She thought as her mind drifted to what would happen when her family found out she had failed, and that she would never be coming back.
     Studying the door again, she spotted a small purple light on a cord hanging from the top-left corner and jumped upward, trying and failing to reach it. The sounds of destruction grew closer, and she knew it was only a matter of time before the ground collapsed under her also.
     Deciding that the light was too high to reach, she pushed her feet off both walls on either side of her and jumped up, grasping the cord as she fell and pulling it down. The cord snapped, but the light stayed on. She pointed the light at the walls around her, and her heart fell even deeper in her chest then it was before.
     The floor at the end of the hallway she was in was collapsing, orange light shining from the acid below. She quickened her search, shining the light in every nook and cranny of the hall, until she found it. shining her light on the ceiling above, six numbers glowed brightly back to her. 527328.
She dropped the light and pulled the flap covering the keypad down again and punched in the numbers. A light clicked green, and the door began sliding open.
     Emma stepped back, but screamed and lunged forward. The collapse had advanced faster than before, and some of the eroding substance had splashed her bare foot as her shoe fell  in, hissing as it dissolved in the acid.
     Nearly hugging the door, she tried to slip in the large crack that the door had opened, but it was too small. Tears streamed down her face as she looked back at the ceiling, up at the camera pointed at her.
“Goodbye,” she cried, and fell backwards into the orange ooze, her endless scream as she evaporated echoing for what seemed like hours in the chamber. The door stopped opening and slid shut again while new platforms generated to replace the collapsed floor. A mechanical voice spoke from hidden speakers in the walls.
     “Emma Falcon has failed the cube. We wish her family humblest apology, and hope they will still be cooperative in letting their children take the test. If not, then Emma’s fate will meet them all.”

Last edited by Nomolos (2013-03-25 17:56:48)