Scratch

Whoo hoo! The prolouge sections are finished! Now the editors go through them and edit them (which I think they have) And found suspenseful parts and combined them with other excerpts for instance:

_____Epher did this oo suspenseful_____

_____Then this was what another character was doing_____

Here is what I found so far for my part of the 1rst chapter.

Amaya screamed again, “Help me! Please!” She tried to escape from the weeds again, but to no avail. Her tail was hopelessly wrapped in the evil kelp, and whenever she moved her neck was strangled. Amaya could feel the blood circulation in her fish-like tail stopping.

However, Amaya couldn’t stay here. The gash from a rock earlier had left a trail of blood, which streamed from her forehead. Of course, a hungry, mama, giant, Great White shark had to be close enough to smell the blood.

The shark swam closer and closer, and Amaya cried out again. Then, out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the cryptids she had noticed earlier. They were coming to saver her! Amaya looked back at the shark, which had paused, wary of the large sea serpent that moved towards the predator.

The forty-foot long serpent had awe-inspiring blue-green scales. His orange eyes glared at the shark, and he barred his teeth to show long fangs. However, it wasn’t the serpent that had caught Amaya’s attention. It was the brown seal with a stain of white on his tail.

Amaya moved her attention back to trying to free herself. She barely noticed that the serpent had begun to attack the shark. He clawed at the beast’s black eyes, and slashed at its belly. The seal, which Amaya guessed was a Selkie, was next to her. He was chewing through parts of the kelp that had imprisoned Amaya.

Amaya’s chocolate brown fur was snagged on some sort of prickly weed, so as the Selkie was working on the weed, Amaya ripped her foreleg away from her spike-covered enemy.

The Selkie had finished with enough of the weeds that Amaya broke free, and was able to see the fight between the serpent and the shark. However, there was none. Instead there was a shark fleeing for its life, with numerous wounds. The serpent however, appeared to be fine.

~

I will find the suspenseful Amaya part. I already know where it is, actually. xD

Its good so far, and flows with the other part me&Dserp wrote. 

Nomolos wrote:

ShadowOfArt wrote:

Here is what I found so far for my part of the 1rst chapter.

Amaya screamed again, “Help me! Please!” She tried to escape from the weeds again, but to no avail. Her tail was hopelessly wrapped in the evil kelp, and whenever she moved her neck was strangled. Amaya could feel the blood circulation in her fish-like tail stopping.

However, Amaya couldn’t stay here. The gash from a rock earlier had left a trail of blood, which streamed from her forehead. Of course, a hungry, mama, giant, Great White shark had to be close enough to smell the blood.

The shark swam closer and closer, and Amaya cried out again. Then, out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the cryptids she had noticed earlier. They were coming to saver her! Amaya looked back at the shark, which had paused, wary of the large sea serpent that moved towards the predator.

The forty-foot long serpent had awe-inspiring blue-green scales. His orange eyes glared at the shark, and he barred his teeth to show long fangs. However, it wasn't the serpent that had caught Amaya’s attention. It was the brown seal with a stain of white on his tail.

Amaya moved her attention back to trying to free herself. She barely noticed that the serpent had begun to attack the shark. He clawed at the beast’s black eyes, and slashed at its belly. The seal, which Amaya guessed was a Selkie, was next to her. He was chewing through parts of the kelp that had imprisoned Amaya.

Amaya’s chocolate brown fur was snagged on some sort of prickly weed, so as the Selkie was working on the weed, Amaya ripped her foreleg away from her spike-covered enemy.

The Selkie had finished with enough of the weeds that Amaya broke free, and was able to see the fight between the serpent and the shark. However, there was none. Instead there was a shark fleeing for its life, with numerous wounds. The serpent however, appeared to be fine.

~

I will find the suspenseful Amaya part. I already know where it is, actually. xD

I highlighted a minuscule error.

@Dserpent I'll keep writing the prologue then and make Rarse meet up with the other cryptids.

not meet up. that's in the first chapter. he just has to SEE them. 

The sun was shining outside the window when Rarse awoke. He swam out of his clam shell groggily, not fully comprehending what was going on around him. He rubbed his eyes and opened them again, and gasped with horror as he looked above.
A dark shape slid across the surface of the water far above. Mer-people were fleeing the city, and families hid in their sea kelp houses.
Rarse watched in awed fascination as web like shapes fell from the craft. He was pulled to the side as one fell over him, and he turned to see his father, Grupt.
"Don't touch the nets!" he commanded before swimming quickly away. Rarse looked to the side and saw one of the nets fold around a mermaid, she screamed and tried to escape, but to no avail. More fell everywhere, and black ooze drifted from the giant shape.
Another net fell close to Rarse, and he bravely swam under it, ready to face the enemy. But the ropes caught his tail, him arms, his head. He struggled, but it grew tighter. Throwing punches, he tried to weave his way out but to know avail. Yells echoed around him, a flash of silver, and the net fell apart. There was his father again, holding a knife. Rarse recognized it as the one made from the shell of a clam, Grupt had spent hours sharpening the knife, grinding it against the stones to perfection.
"Go!" he yelled, and as Rarse shot away, a net covered Grupt's body also. He tried to cut the ropes with his knife, but it fell from his hand and floated away as the net began rising to the surface.
Rarse swam in circles, destruction all around him. He didn't know which way to go, which way to turn. "Run!" Grupt was still fighting the net, but it began floating upward faster and faster, pulled by a taut rope.
"Get to the stone arch near the walls of the city! Get out before they have you!"
And then he was gone. Too near the surface for Rarse to hear his frantic commands any longer. Too near the surface for Rarse to ever see him again.
Crying all around him, thick black liquid flooding the streets, Rarse swam through the city as fast as he could, dodging the spidery nets landing on houses and mer-people. Reaching the city gate, he looked back one more time, this was his home, where he'd lived with his father for years since his mother died. He couldn't leave the place he'd known as a child. It all seemed so abrupt and unexpected, and Rarse stayed floating on the spot. But his father's last words echoed in his mind, and he turned and swam off toward the stone arch into the vastness of the ocean without looking back.
As he swam, he heard a sound in the distance, a pleading cry. And it wasn't coming from his village. He swam faster, not noticing his shirt catching on the a spiky plant until he was tugged backwards.
Most mermen didn't wear shirts, as they clinged on to their wet skin, but Rarse felt strangely exposed swimming down the streets without one, so he'd always taken to light blue and green cloth, which had been woven from the village weavers into a fine shirt.
Rarse pulled backwards, his tail straining as it propelled him away from the plant, and the shirt snapped. Rarse groaned in disappointment before hearing the cry again. Closer. Shooting off again, he folded his ripped shirt over the tear and continued on his way.
Upon reaching the source, he quickly hid behind a large stone inwardly gasped. A shark! Peeking past the rock again, the sight took his breath away. Teeth glistening maliciously, the shark was chomping wildly and ferociously, but that wasn't what surprised him. A giant sea monster was battling the shark, his scales shining blue and green like the colors of Rarse's shirt. A Selkie was cutting spiky weeds that were trapping a Hippocampi. He picked up a sharp rock from the sandy ground and rushed to go help cut the weeds.

Last edited by Nomolos (2013-03-20 19:26:26)

Waffle27 wrote:

Shadw's charrie, Amaya, is a Hippocamp. 

Ahh, ok.

Nomolos wrote:

The sun was shining outside the window when Rarse awoke. He swam out of his clam shell groggily, not fully comprehending what was going on around him. He rubbed his eyes and opened them again, and gasped with horror as he looked above.
A dark shape slid across the surface of the water far above. Mer-people were fleeing the city, and families hid in their sea kelp houses.
Rarse watched in awed fascination as web like shapes fell from the craft. He was pulled to the side as one fell over him, and he turned to see his father, Grupt.
"Don't touch the nets!" he commanded before swimming quickly away. Rarse looked to the side and saw one of the nets fold around a mermaid, she screamed and tried to escape, but to no avail. More fell everywhere, and black ooze drifted from the giant shape.
Another net fell close to Rarse, and he bravely swam under it, ready to face the enemy. But the ropes caught his tail, him arms, his head. He struggled, but it grew tighter. Throwing punches, he tried to weave his way out but to know avail. Yells echoed around him, a flash of silver, and the net fell apart. There was his father again, holding a knife. Rarse recognized it as the one made from the shell of a clam, Grupt had spent hours sharpening the knife, grinding it against the stones to perfection.
"Go!" he yelled, and as Rarse shot away, a net covered Grupt's body also. He tried to cut the ropes with his knife, but it fell from his hand and floated away as the net began rising to the surface.
Rarse swam in circles, destruction all around him. He didn't know which way to go, which way to turn. "Run!" Grupt was still fighting the net, but it began floating upward faster and faster, pulled by a taut rope.
"Get to the stone arch near the walls of the city! Get out before they have you!"
And then he was gone. Too near the surface for Rarse to hear his frantic commands any longer. Too near the surface for Rarse to ever see him again.
Crying all around him, thick black liquid flooding the streets, Rarse swam through the city as fast as he could, dodging the spidery nets landing on houses and mer-people. Reaching the city gate, he looked back one more time, this was his home, where he'd lived with his father for years since his mother died. He couldn't leave the place he'd known as a child. It all seemed so abrupt and unexpected, and Rarse stayed floating on the spot. But his father's last words echoed in his mind, and he turned and swam off toward the stone arch into the vastness of the ocean without looking back.
As he swam, he heard a sound in the distance, a pleading cry. And it wasn't coming from his village. He swam faster, not noticing his shirt catching on the a spiky plant until he was tugged backwards.
Most mermen didn't wear shirts, as they clinged on to their wet skin, but Rarse felt strangely exposed swimming down the streets without one, so he'd always taken to light blue and green cloth, which had been woven from the village weavers into a fine shirt.
Rarse pulled backwards, his tail straining as it propelled him away from the plant, and the shirt snapped. Rarse groaned in disappointment before hearing the cry again. Closer. Shooting off again, he folded his ripped shirt over the tear and continued on his way.
Upon reaching the source, he quickly hid behind a large stone inwardly gasped. A shark! Peeking past the rock again, the sight took his breath away. Teeth glistening maliciously, the shark was chomping wildly and ferociously, but that wasn't what surprised him. A giant sea monster was battling the shark, his scales shining blue and green like the colors of Rarse's shirt. A Selkie was cutting spiky weeds that were trapping a Hippocampi. He picked up a sharp rock from the sandy ground and rushed to go help cut the weeds.

i like it 

destructo-serpent wrote:

Waffle27 wrote:

So is it okay if i have, like, a six month time skip after chapter 1?

-_-

how about after chapter 2? they can stay there for a while. chapter 2 will be them settling down there, then time skip, whatever you wanted to do, then the humans come or something and they have to start the nomad thing again? that would work, right? 

Yeah, sure. But in that case could I maybe have chapter 3 or 4? Sorry, but I think it would run smoother if it was a chapter all by itself. Sorry. Someone else can have chapter 2, you can if you want.

Waffle27 wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

Waffle27 wrote:

So is it okay if i have, like, a six month time skip after chapter 1?

-_-

how about after chapter 2? they can stay there for a while. chapter 2 will be them settling down there, then time skip, whatever you wanted to do, then the humans come or something and they have to start the nomad thing again? that would work, right? 

Yeah, sure. But in that case could I maybe have chapter 3 or 4? Sorry, but I think it would run smoother if it was a chapter all by itself. Sorry. Someone else can have chapter 2, you can if you want.

how about Nomolos has chapter 2, and you have number 3, and there's a time skip in between. everyone ok with that?

destructo-serpent wrote:

Waffle27 wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

-_-

how about after chapter 2? they can stay there for a while. chapter 2 will be them settling down there, then time skip, whatever you wanted to do, then the humans come or something and they have to start the nomad thing again? that would work, right? 

Yeah, sure. But in that case could I maybe have chapter 3 or 4? Sorry, but I think it would run smoother if it was a chapter all by itself. Sorry. Someone else can have chapter 2, you can if you want.

how about Nomolos has chapter 2, and you have number 3, and there's a time skip in between. everyone ok with that?

I'm ok with that.

destructo-serpent wrote:

hopefully this will all be easier to write and organize once the group's together

Yeah.

Hey Waffle, do you think you should stop accepting members soon? Every time someone new joins, the story gets messed up a bit because we have to include someone else.

Nomolos wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

hopefully this will all be easier to write and organize once the group's together

Yeah.

Hey Waffle, do you think you should stop accepting members soon? Every time someone new joins, the story gets messed up a bit because we have to include someone else.

yeah, we should. six is the maximum i can think of for elements too. it also just makes it more complicated.