Scratch

here's the edited version. i barely had to do anything.

Crystal’s life revolved around one song.

Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!

However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.

“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”

After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.

“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.

Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.

“What are they doing here?” she thought; her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”
“We know you are there, Crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.
“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground. “Hah! Teaches a know-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”
But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them, fended off groups of them, but still more came. She was starting to feel sick. They slashed their claws at her, obviously not going to erase her memories, but kill her.
She kept fighting until they threw her into the black water. Exhausted from the endless battle, she sank, until she was engulfed in the weeds, only to realise, that she was not alone.

Last edited by destructo-serpent (2013-03-20 16:34:39)

destructo-serpent wrote:

here's the edited version. i barely had to do anything.

Crystal’s life revolved around one song.

Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!

However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.

“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”

After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.

“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.

Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.

“What are they doing here?” she thought; her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”
“We know you are there, Crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.
“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground. “Hah! Teaches a know-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”
But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them, fended off groups of them, but still more came. She was starting to feel sick. They slashed their claws at her, obviously not going to erase her memories, but kill her.
She kept fighting until they threw her into the black water. Exhausted from the endless battle, she sank, until she was engulfed in the weeds, only to realise, that she was not alone.

oh, wait, there should be a time skip where she rests, then swims away to meet the other cryptids.
i don't think the others would be near a siren settlement.

Last edited by destructo-serpent (2013-03-20 16:37:31)

madbunnygal wrote:

Can she faint when she gets to the bottom of the ocean, and the others find her?

i don't think they would be near a siren settlement. how about the currents make her slowly drift out to sea?

ShadowOfArt wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

here's the edited version. i barely had to do anything.

Crystal’s life revolved around one song.

Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!

However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.

“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”

After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.

“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.

Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.

“What are they doing here?” she thought; her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”
“We know you are there, Crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.
“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground.

“Hah! Teaches a know-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”

But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them, fended off groups of them, but still more came. She was starting to feel sick. They slashed their claws at her, obviously not going to erase her memories, but kill her.

She kept fighting until they threw her into the black water. Exhausted from the endless battle, she sank, until she was engulfed in the weeds, only to realise, that she was not alone.

  Still needed some "enter spaces", now its finished xD

we still don't know how the ereader thing is coming 

Last edited by destructo-serpent (2013-03-20 16:42:48)

madbunnygal wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

here's the edited version. i barely had to do anything.

Crystal’s life revolved around one song.

Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!

However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.

“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”

After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.

“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.

Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.

“What are they doing here?” she thought; her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”
“We know you are there, Crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.
“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground. “Hah! Teaches a know-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”
But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them, fended off groups of them, but still more came. She was starting to feel sick. They slashed their claws at her, obviously not going to erase her memories, but kill her.
She kept fighting until they threw her into the black water. Exhausted from the endless battle, she sank, until she was engulfed in the weeds, only to realise, that she was not alone.

oh, wait, there should be a time skip where she rests, then swims away to meet the other cryptids.
i don't think the others would be near a siren settlement.

ok, Once rested she swims to the others. where would the others be?

in some reef somewhere. nowhere near the settlement, she could faint and drift there, or she could regain consiencesnes ans swim away from the village to meet them.

http://beta.scratch.mit.edu/forums/topic/3293/?page=1#post-17683

madbunnygal wrote:

Crystal’s life revolved around one song.

Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!

However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.

“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”

After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.

“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.

Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.

“What are they doing here?” she thought, her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”

“We know you are there crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.

“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground. “Hah! Teaches a now-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”

But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them killed groups of them off but still more came. She was starting to feel sick. They slashed their claws at her, they obviously weren’t going to erase her memories, but kill her.

She kept fighting, till they threw her into the black water. Exhausted from the endless battle, she sank, until she was engulfed in the weeds.

When she awoke, she was no longer in the ocean, but rather, in a strange house. As she looked around, she discovered she was not alone.


I fixed. Is this better?

how about she's lying on sand?
the cryptids are traveling around, like nomads. they wouldn't find a house.

Last edited by destructo-serpent (2013-03-20 16:55:33)

ShadowOfArt wrote:

http://beta.scratch.mit.edu/forums/topic/3293/?page=1#post-17683

ohhhhh. nice. 

destructo-serpent wrote:

Shadow, you can do the part where Coil and Epher rescue Amaya right?

Er, yes, I am writing it tonight (in school right now  )

ShadowOfArt wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

Shadow, you can do the part where Coil and Epher rescue Amaya right?

Er, yes, I am writing it tonight (in school right now  )

k 
fresh shark meat for Coil. yum 

Ok! I think that is done now! Yay! 

Do I need to write anything else?