Scratch

(Man, I'm posting a lot.    Somebody come online!)

Genre: Sci Fi
Style: Puzzle
Possible Title: Solved
Summary of Idea: The government only wants the smart ones. Nobody else in the world. So they must be tested with the cube. Four teens must solve mind boggling puzzles, mazes and traps, if they fail, they die and are never seen again. If they pass and exit alive, then that's how they stay. Can they find their way through? Or will they fail, and stay forever?

Last edited by Nomolos (2013-03-20 10:43:50)

Er, what'd I miss? xD

Nomolos wrote:

Here are some names that could fit into the Cryptids story:

Corillo (Coral)
Reefe (Reef)
Sani (Sand)
Wates (Water)

The names, as you can see, are sort of ocean themed themselves.

those are sort of...weird. they sound too much like the sand and coral and stuff.

how about
Corluo
Reedfe
Sadnt
Watesre

madbunnygal wrote:

This is my new story!! I scraped the old one. Hope you like !! 


Crystal’s life revolved around one song.
Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!
However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.
“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”
After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.
“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.
Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.
“What are they doing here?” she thought, her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”
“We know you are there crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.
“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground. “Hah! Teaches a now-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”
But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them killed groups of them off but still more came. Soon there were piles of dead sirens laid on the ground in front of her.
“That’s most of the sironment dead. Too bad all the citizens are asleep. They could have made a run for it before the sironment of the next Siren city come and take them captive at their camps. But I have nothing to do with the pearl clan now. I’m a lone-siren now.”
She dived into the black water, and when she reached the bottom, made her way through the weeds, only to discover, she was not alone.

what's a fish soul? the ghost of s fish? how would you eat that? or put it in a jar?

and Crystal taking out an army of sirens without any trouble is kind of OP
could you maybe edit it so she has a bit more trouble doing it?


i would make coil breathe magnesium fire (it burns underwater) but that would be way too OP

Last edited by destructo-serpent (2013-03-20 14:09:29)

Nomolos wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

Nomolos wrote:

Here are some names that could fit into the Cryptids story:


The names, as you can see, are sort of ocean themed themselves.

those are sort of...weird. they sound too much like the sand and coral and stuff.

how about
Corluo
Reedfe
Sadnt
Watesre

Those names are unique, but even weirder. 

   

how's um... Rashre? how's his history coming?

Last edited by destructo-serpent (2013-03-20 14:29:26)

destructo-serpent wrote:

madbunnygal wrote:

This is my new story!! I scraped the old one. Hope you like !! 


Crystal’s life revolved around one song.
Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!
However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.
“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”
After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.
“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.
Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.
“What are they doing here?” she thought, her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”
“We know you are there crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.
“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground. “Hah! Teaches a now-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”
But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them killed groups of them off but still more came. Soon there were piles of dead sirens laid on the ground in front of her.
“That’s most of the sironment dead. Too bad all the citizens are asleep. They could have made a run for it before the sironment of the next Siren city come and take them captive at their camps. But I have nothing to do with the pearl clan now. I’m a lone-siren now.”
She dived into the black water, and when she reached the bottom, made her way through the weeds, only to discover, she was not alone.

what's a fish soul? the ghost of s fish? how would you eat that? or put it in a jar?

and Crystal taking out an army of sirens without any trouble is kind of OP
could you maybe edit it so she has a bit more trouble doing it?


i would make coil breathe magnesium fire (it burns underwater) but that would be way too OP

a bit ,pre trouble?

Last time I check a young female can't take out a whole army without getting killed D:

how's the scratchreader coming? any betas? 

destructo-serpent wrote:

madbunnygal wrote:

This is my new story!! I scraped the old one. Hope you like !! 


Crystal’s life revolved around one song.
Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!
However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.
“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”
After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.
“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.
Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.
“What are they doing here?” she thought, her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”
“We know you are there crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.
“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground. “Hah! Teaches a now-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”
But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them killed groups of them off but still more came. Soon there were piles of dead sirens laid on the ground in front of her.
“That’s most of the sironment dead. Too bad all the citizens are asleep. They could have made a run for it before the sironment of the next Siren city come and take them captive at their camps. But I have nothing to do with the pearl clan now. I’m a lone-siren now.”
She dived into the black water, and when she reached the bottom, made her way through the weeds, only to discover, she was not alone.

what's a fish soul? the ghost of s fish? how would you eat that? or put it in a jar?

and Crystal taking out an army of sirens without any trouble is kind of OP
could you maybe edit it so she has a bit more trouble doing it?


i would make coil breathe magnesium fire (it burns underwater) but that would be way too OP

Well sirens eat men's souls rather then the flesh, so I thought that she would eat animal souls. Yeah, at the end I think she is going to keep fighting, they take her out, and she gets swung into the middle of the ocean, and at the bottom she finds the others.
Is that ok? 

destructo-serpent wrote:

madbunnygal wrote:

This is my new story!! I scraped the old one. Hope you like !! 


Crystal’s life revolved around one song.
Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!
However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.
“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”
After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.
“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.
Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.
“What are they doing here?” she thought, her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”
“We know you are there crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.
“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground. “Hah! Teaches a now-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”
But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them killed groups of them off but still more came. Soon there were piles of dead sirens laid on the ground in front of her.
“That’s most of the sironment dead. Too bad all the citizens are asleep. They could have made a run for it before the sironment of the next Siren city come and take them captive at their camps. But I have nothing to do with the pearl clan now. I’m a lone-siren now.”
She dived into the black water, and when she reached the bottom, made her way through the weeds, only to discover, she was not alone.

their not supposed to have superpowers, like killing armies single-handed. this is supposed to be kind of realistic.

She slashed one of the sirens heads. I still have to alter the last bit

wait, wouldn't the sironment just erase her memory? or kill her?

madbunnygal wrote:

Crystal’s life revolved around one song.
Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!
However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.
“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”
After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.
“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.
Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.
“What are they doing here?” she thought, her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”
“We know you are there crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.
“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground. “Hah! Teaches a now-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”
But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them killed groups of them off but still more came. She was starting to feel sick. They slashed their claws at her, they obviously weren’t going to erase her memories, but kill her.
She kept fighting, till they threw her into the black water. Exhausted from the endless battle, she sank, until she was engulfed in the weeds, only to realise, that she was not alone.


I have fixed it. Might be ready for an editor.

how about "fended off" instead of "killed"
sounds less OP, but just as... ... um... ... valiant?

madbunnygal wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

madbunnygal wrote:

Crystal’s life revolved around one song.
Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!
However, this was not the way sirens were originally taught. Crystal was the only one who knew this. Apart from the sironment who had cleared the sirens memories for knowing they were being controlled. Perhaps this was where she inherited her callousness. The sironment would arrive at her shell tomorrow. She had no idea how they found out the fact that she knew that sirens were being tricked. They were to wipe out her memory.
“Not this time” she thought “I’ll leave my shell before they can lay one finger on me.”
After her quick fish-soul dinner, she quickly packed up a set of seaweed clothes, her wing shields (with various weapons hidden inside), a jar of fish souls (she hated the things) and a mysterious object that her ancestors had passed down a long time ago. It was a crystal shell, and she did not know why she was taking it with her.
“Maybe it will be of some use.” she exclaimed.
Quietly she walked out of her shell, as she heard the singing of the sleeping sirens. In the distance, she thought she heard a bush rustle. She slowly pulled her sword from her wing. Sure enough, her eyes saw what she had feared they would. The sironment.
“What are they doing here?” she thought, her heart racing. “Calm down Crystal, you’ve dealt with these fish brains before.”
“We know you are there crystal. It’s a shame for you that we can wipe your memory right here and now.” One of the sirens said hastily.
“You seal skeleton! Don’t you realise what you’re in for? You’re trying to fight the winner of all the siren tournaments over a misunderstanding? You crab! I’ll kill you now!” Crystal declared, and with one wipe, the siren’s head was clean of her shoulders and on the ground. “Hah! Teaches a now-it-all fish brain to mess with me!”
But to her surprise there were more of them. She slashed her sword at them fended off the groups of them off but still more came. She was starting to feel sick. They slashed their claws at her, they obviously weren’t going to erase her memories, but kill her.
She kept fighting, till they threw her into the black water. Exhausted from the endless battle, she sank, until she was engulfed in the weeds, only to realise, that she was not alone.


I have fixed it. Might be ready for an editor.

how about "fended off" instead of "killed"
sounds less OP, but just as... ... um... ... valiant?

fixed it. is that what you meant?

much better    i'll edit it and get rid of some spelling and grammar mistakes.