Scratch

destructo-serpent wrote:

ShadowOfArt wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

waffle should have his/her part of the prologue sometime today, but then we have madbunny, who doesn't have a character yet 
i'm going to look up some sea cryptids she might like.
if i can't find any, she cold possibly be Amaya's sister....?

That wouldn't be possible, as Hippocampi have one child, and Amaya's father left before Amaya was born. It would also mean Amaya's history would drastically change.

I will try to find some, too.

If MadBunny doesn't tell us why she hasn't created a CHARECTER the next time she is online, should we give her a pre made one with gender and species choice so it gets done soon? I really want to get started, but she doesn't even know anything about thecharecter she wants yet. o.o
~

Also, destructo, here is an edited version of your story. Fixed grammar and spelling mistakes. 


Seaserpentine Maximus the Third was training. As the prince of a kingdom, a kingdom of warrior sea serpents, he was required to train for long hours so he could protect his kingdom should the need arise.

The royal family of serpents had a private training yard, in which he was now. He whirled around, his blue-green scales flashed in the dappled sunlight that reached the shallow sea bottom.

Seaserpentine headed straight at a pillar of bright red coral, at the last second altered his trajectory and corkscrewed so the spikes down the top of his neck sliced through the sharp, hard coral.

Then he whirled around, and slammed another pillar of coral to pieces with the weight of his tail. Seaserpentine used his jaws to pick up boulders that lay on the seabed and crushed them between his sword-like teeth.

After training for what seemed like decades, but really only for a few hours, Seaserpentine stopped and drifted lazily in the circular currents of the training yard. He was very tired after training so vigorously.

Seaserpentine also knew that if his brother, Spear, caught him resting; he would come up with some excuse to steal the throne from him. Their father had died scarcely three days ago, and the kingdom was in hushed silence, waiting for the coronation that, by tradition, must be held five days after a king’s death. He, eldest son of the king, would receive the throne. But Spear could not accept that, and was doing everything in his power to get to the throne.

Seasepentine was about to resume training, but was stopped by a wizened old serpent with glimmering red scales and graying horns that swam like a sailfish towards him.

“Coil!” he was calling.”

"Something must be wrong,” Maximus thought. To address the prince as his birth name was a huge breach in etiquette, only acceptable if a matter of great importance was at hand.

Then Coil recognized the serpent. It was his royal advisor, Judicious. Serpent mothers often named their hatchlings after their qualities. Judicious had finally reached Coil, and seemed about to speak. “What is it, Judicious? What’s wrong?” Coil asked him.

“It’s Spear!” Judicious warned him. “Spear is accusing you of murder! You must flee the kingdom now, or you’ll be killed!” 




............ other parts of the prolouge in here.


“What? The youngest son of a king can’t accuse the prince of a crime! No one can!” Coil exclaimed.

“He can. He ‘found’ evidence that you killed one of the Royal Cave Guards.”

“Wha-but….” Coil stuttered. “Killing a member of the royal guard is one of the worst crimes anyone could do!”

“He’s done it. And now, you must flee! Go, while you still can!” Judicious warned again. Coil didn’t argue.

“Will you be okay, Judicious?”

“I’ll be fine. Now go! They’re coming!!”

Ten sea serpents were practically flew towards him, but they were far enough away that Coil could escape if he went now. He quickly turned and swam away. The guards followed, trying to catch him, but Coil had trained in the royal yard since he was a hatchling, and his tail muscles were incredibly strong.

Coil shot forward like an arrow, the knowledge of what would happen if he stopped his bow. But the guards were fast too. They couldn’t gain on him, but they maintained their distance, and waited for him to tire.

And then Coil saw it. The Fields of Asphodel, which were a huge giant kelp forest, which stretched for miles along the shallow seabed of the reef. They were known to have many shallow caves hidden by the kelp, some of them big enough for even a large sea serpent. They were the perfect hiding place.

Coil quickly altered course and headed straight into the Fields. The flowing green kelp engulfed him. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, and couldn’t detect any trace of heat with the organs in his snout. He was lost in the kelp. After he drifted for a moment, his head cleared.

Coil swam around near the seabed until he found a suitable hole. Then he slithered in, curled into a spiral, and slept. 


When Coil awoke, there was no serpent guard dragging him away. However, there was heat from something outside the kelp. He uncoiled and warily crept out of the hole, trying to determine from what creatures the heat emanated. At the edge of the kelp, he saw three creatures, a Hippocampus, a Kelpie, and a ______.


this had mistakes too. not sure if they were intentional, but..


Seaserpentine Maximus the Third was training. As the prince of a kingdom, a kingdom of warrior sea serpents, he was required to train for long hours so he could protect his kingdom should the need arise.

The royal family of serpents had a private training yard, in which he was now. He whirled around, his blue-green scales flashed in the dappled sunlight that reached the shallow sea bottom.

Seaserpentine headed straight at a pillar of bright red coral, at the last second altered his trajectory and corkscrewed so the spikes down the top of his neck sliced through the sharp, hard coral.

Then he whirled around, and slammed another pillar of coral to pieces with the weight of his tail. Seaserpentine used his jaws to pick up boulders that lay on the seabed and crushed them between his sword-like teeth.

After training for what seemed like decades, but really only for a few hours, Seaserpentine stopped and drifted lazily in the circular currents of the training yard. He was very tired after training so vigorously.

Seaserpentine also knew that if his brother, Spear, caught him resting; he would come up with some excuse to steal the throne from him. Their father had died scarcely three days ago, and the kingdom was in hushed silence, waiting for the coronation that, by tradition, must be held five days after a king’s death. He, eldest son of the king, would receive the throne. But Spear could not accept that, and was doing everything in his power to get to the throne.

Seasepentine was about to resume training, but was stopped by a wizened old serpent with glimmering red scales and graying horns that swam like a sailfish towards him.

“Coil!” he was calling.”

"Something must be wrong,” Maximus thought. To address the prince as his birth name was a huge breach in etiquette, only acceptable if a matter of great importance was at hand.

Then Coil recognized the serpent. It was his royal advisor, Judicious. Serpent mothers often named their hatchlings after their qualities. Judicious had finally reached Coil, and seemed about to speak. “What is it, Judicious? What’s wrong?” Coil asked him.

“It’s Spear!” Judicious warned him. “Spear is accusing you of murder! You must flee the kingdom now, or you’ll be killed!” 




............ other parts of the prolouge in here.


“What? The youngest son of a king can’t accuse the prince of a crime! No one can!” Coil exclaimed.

“He can. He ‘found’ evidence that you killed one of the Royal Cave Guards.”

“Wha-but….” Coil stuttered. “Killing a member of the royal guard is one of the worst crimes anyone could do!”

“He’s done it. And now, you must flee! Go, while you still can!” Judicious warned again. Coil didn’t argue.

“Will you be okay, Judicious?”

“I’ll be fine. Now go! They’re coming!!”

Ten sea serpents were practically flew towards him, but they were far enough away that Coil could escape if he went now. He quickly turned and swam away. The guards followed, trying to catch him, but Coil had trained in the royal yard since he was a hatchling, and his tail muscles were incredibly strong.

Coil shot forward like an arrow, the knowledge of what would happen if he stopped his bow. But the guards were fast too. They couldn’t gain on him, but they maintained their distance, and waited for him to tire.

And then Coil saw it. The Fields of Asphodel, which were a huge giant kelp forest, which stretched for miles along the shallow seabed of the reef. They were known to have many shallow caves hidden by the kelp, some of them big enough for even a large sea serpent. They were the perfect hiding place.

Coil quickly altered course and headed straight into the Fields. The flowing green kelp engulfed him. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, and couldn’t detect any trace of heat with the organs in his snout. He was lost in the kelp. After he drifted for a moment, his head cleared.

Coil swam around near the seabed until he found a suitable hole. Then he slithered in, curled into a spiral, and slept. 


When Coil awoke, there was no serpent guard dragging him away. However, there was heat from something outside the kelp. He uncoiled and warily crept out of the hole, trying to determine from what creatures the heat emanated. At the edge of the kelp, he saw three creatures, a Hippocampus, a Kelpie, and a ______.


I see one mistake, "Were" should be deleted by "Practically". Also, more prologue wouldn't make sense there. He was replying to the old serpent, and it could be weird to place more there. Otherwise, my computer tells me it has no grammar or spelling errors anymore, and I read through it. We can wait for Waffle's opinion though.

maybe someone should make a character and history for madbunny, then give it to her if she needs it.

destructo-serpent wrote:

ShadowOfArt wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

ShadowOfArt wrote:

That wouldn't be possible, as Hippocampi have one child, and Amaya's father left before Amaya was born. It would also mean Amaya's history would drastically change.

I will try to find some, too.

If MadBunny doesn't tell us why she hasn't created a CHARECTER the next time she is online, should we give her a pre made one with gender and species choice so it gets done soon? I really want to get started, but she doesn't even know anything about thecharecter she wants yet. o.o
~

Also, destructo, here is an edited version of your story. Fixed grammar and spelling mistakes. 

this had mistakes too. not sure if they were intentional, but..

I see one mistake, "Were" should be deleted by "Practically". Also, more prologue wouldn't make sense there. He was replying to the old serpent, and it could be weird to place more there. Otherwise, my computer tells me it has no grammar or spelling errors anymore, and I read through it. We can wait for Waffle's opinion though.

that's the only suspenseful part. hm...

flew should be flying. i fixed it.

No, flying would make it present tense, we want past tense, so "flew"

so, here is my section. it has your fixes, and i added a better description.


SEMI-FINAL DRAFT
Seaserpentine Maximus the Third was training. As the prince of a kingdom, a kingdom of warrior sea serpents, he was required to train for long hours so he could protect his kingdom should the need arise.

Seaserpentine had glimmering scales and three-foot horns bending so they ran parallel to his back. A short dorsal fin rang down his back. His eyes were orange and shone like small suns. He was forty feet long, so if he swam in a circle, a whirlpool would form, big enough to swallow a small human vessel.

The royal family of serpents had a private training yard, in which he was now. He whirled around, his blue-green scales flashed in the dappled sunlight that reached the shallow sea bottom.

Seaserpentine headed straight at a pillar of bright red coral, at the last second altered his trajectory and corkscrewed so the spikes down the top of his neck sliced through the sharp, hard coral.
Then he whirled around, and slammed another pillar of coral to pieces with the weight of his tail. Seaserpentine used his jaws to pick up boulders that lay on the seabed and crushed them between his sword-like teeth.

After training for what seemed like decades, but really only for a few hours, Seaserpentine stopped and drifted lazily in the circular currents of the training yard. He was very tired after training so vigorously.

Seaserpentine also knew that if his brother, Spear, caught him resting; he would come up with some excuse to steal the throne from him. Their father had died scarcely three days ago, and the kingdom was in hushed silence, waiting for the coronation that, by tradition, must be held five days after a king’s death. He, eldest son of the king, would receive the throne. But Spear could not accept that, and was doing everything in his power to get to the throne.

Seasepentine was about to resume training, but was stopped by a wizened old serpent with glimmering red scales and graying horns that swam like a sailfish towards him.

“Coil!” he was calling.”

"Something must be wrong,” Maximus thought. To address the prince as his birth name was a huge breach in etiquette, only acceptable if a matter of great importance was at hand.

Then Coil recognized the serpent. It was his royal advisor, Judicious. Serpent mothers often named their hatchlings after their qualities. Judicious had finally reached Coil, and seemed about to speak. “What is it, Judicious? What’s wrong?” Coil asked him.

“It’s Spear!” Judicious warned him. “Spear is accusing you of murder! You must flee the kingdom now, or you’ll be killed!” 



--------------------------------------------

“What? The youngest son of a king can’t accuse the prince of a crime! No one can!” Coil exclaimed.

“He can. He ‘found’ evidence that you killed one of the Royal Cave Guards.”

“Wha-but….” Coil stuttered. “Killing a member of the royal guard is one of the worst crimes anyone could do!”

“He’s done it. And now, you must flee! Go, while you still can!” Judicious warned again. Coil didn’t argue.

“Will you be okay, Judicious?”

“I’ll be fine. Now go! They’re coming!!”

Ten sea serpents practically flew towards him, but they were far enough away that Coil could escape if he went now. He quickly turned and swam away. The guards followed, trying to catch him, but Coil had trained in the royal yard since he was a hatchling, and his tail muscles were incredibly strong.

Coil shot forward like an arrow, the knowledge of what would happen if he stopped his bow. But the guards were fast too. They couldn’t gain on him, but they maintained their distance, and waited for him to tire.

And then Coil saw it. The Fields of Asphodel, which were a huge giant kelp forest, which stretched for miles along the shallow seabed of the reef. They were known to have many shallow caves hidden by the kelp, some of them big enough for even a large sea serpent. They were the perfect hiding place.

Coil quickly altered course and headed straight into the Fields. The flowing green kelp engulfed him. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, and couldn’t detect any trace of heat with the organs in his snout. He was lost in the kelp. After he drifted for a moment, his head cleared.

Coil swam around near the seabed until he found a suitable hole. Then he slithered in, curled into a spiral, and slept. 


When Coil awoke, there was no serpent guard dragging him away. However, there was heat from something outside the kelp. He uncoiled and warily crept out of the hole, trying to determine from what creatures the heat emanated. At the edge of the kelp, he saw three creatures, a Hippocampus, a Kelpie, and a ______.

Last edited by destructo-serpent (2013-03-19 13:54:36)

ShadowOfArt wrote:

That all sounds correct. ^^

now we just need waffle, then we can add our pages to the wiki : )

Warriors Collab is on hold until this book is finished. i can only focus on one awesome collab at a time, and everyone is focusing on AN.

can someone tell me what story we are doing?

madbunnygal wrote:

can someone tell me what story we are doing?

"ocean Explorers"

madbunnygal wrote:

Waffle27 wrote:

madbunnygal wrote:

what have I missed??

Make a charrie sheet for your sea cryptid, begin to write their history, max 3 pages for the prolouge, and try to come up with some ideas for the Arabian Nights Banner.

what is a charrie sheet?

fill out this.

Name:

Nickname(s)?:

Cryptid:

Appearance:

Relationships:

Personality:

History:

Other:

then write a ( three pg max) short history of your character for the prolouge, up until the time you character meets the other cryptids.

destructo-serpent wrote:

madbunnygal wrote:

ShadowOfArt wrote:

destructo-serpent wrote:

waffle should have his/her part of the prologue sometime today, but then we have madbunny, who doesn't have a character yet 
i'm going to look up some sea cryptids she might like.
if i can't find any, she cold possibly be Amaya's sister....?

That wouldn't be possible, as Hippocampi have one child, and Amaya's father left before Amaya was born. It would also mean Amaya's history would drastically change.

I will try to find some, too.

If MadBunny doesn't tell us why she hasn't created a CHARECTER the next time she is online, should we give her a pre made one with gender and species choice so it gets done soon? I really want to get started, but she doesn't even know anything about thecharecter she wants yet. o.o
~

Also, destructo, here is an edited version of your story. Fixed grammar and spelling mistakes. 

I can't think of a cryptid!! Can you try to come up with one?

possibly ogopogo, another kelpie or another hippocampus.

or a mermaid

banner idea

oasis with palm tree, stars arranged in name of Collab.


madbunny cryptid ideas.

mermaid ogopogo (kelpie (hippocamp)  () means someone is already using that


i'm going to post my section  of prolouge on the wiki, so waffle can see it easily.


how about this order for the group forming?

1.Coil meets Epher
2.Amaya meets Coil/Epher
3.madbunny meets rest.

Last edited by destructo-serpent (2013-03-19 17:00:32)

madbunnygal wrote:

found one!! Is the british big cat an alright one??

?????????  what?    never heard of it.   and it has to have two conditions


A. can breathe underwater

B. can swim for a long time

or the maltese tiger?