Scratch

zubblewu · 2012-12-15 17:30:38

so i uh typed something about the weather and it sounded interesting so
here

look at the weather outside
isnt it beautiful?
the dark fog, covering the vast expanses of reality
what could it mean?
its so beautiful
think what could be beyond it
it could be anything
maybe the fog never ends
maybe its oblivion
how can we know until we enter the fog?
its so beautiful in there
the cold eating at the body, eating at the mind
all while i walk alone, so alone
farther into the fog
until im so far in
i can't turn back
and the fog becomes reality
and i realize
that we are living in oblivion
and oblivion is, always has been reality
and ive just now found it
and that cold hard place i used to call reality
melts back into the twisted web of broken hearts
and twisted dreams
and i embrace the fog
i accept the oblivion, the crumbling of everything else
and for the first time, i am happy.

so what do you think? so amazingly ordinary :'}

Last edited by zubblewu (2012-12-15 23:06:02)

bananaman114 · 2012-12-15 17:41:54

i like the end it makes me happy yayayay good job

zubblewu · 2012-12-15 17:43:42

yayayay i know right oblivion is amazing

bananaman114 · 2012-12-15 17:53:56

zubblewu wrote:
yayayay i know right oblivion is amazing

hi-five for mentioning my home town yo

zubblewu · 2012-12-15 17:57:39

bananaman114 wrote:
zubblewu wrote:
yayayay i know right oblivion is amazing
hi-five for mentioning my home town yo

woah
do you still live/love there?
i probably know you yo

Last edited by zubblewu (2012-12-15 18:01:30)

777w · 2012-12-15 17:59:49

zubblewu wrote:
bananaman114 wrote:
zubblewu wrote:
yayayay i know right oblivion is amazing
hi-five for mentioning my home town yo
woah
do you still love there?
i probably know you yo

live or love

zubblewu · 2012-12-15 18:01:07

777w wrote:
zubblewu wrote:
bananaman114 wrote:

hi-five for mentioning my home town yo
woah
do you still love there?
i probably know you yo
live or love

both

bananaman114 · 2012-12-15 18:21:11

zubblewu wrote:
777w wrote:
zubblewu wrote:

woah
do you still love there?
i probably know you yo
live or love
both

I still live there yeah but love is hard

pussnboots · 2012-12-15 18:38:33

Ineffable.

technoguyx · 2012-12-15 19:20:55

I realize why you'd put "poem" in quotes in the title, but hey, it's not better than anything I've done tongue Yeah, the ending is good c:

zubblewu · 2012-12-15 22:45:29

technoguyx wrote:
I realize why you'd put "poem" in quotes in the title, but hey, it's not better than anything I've done Yeah, the ending is good c:

no it is a "poem" its free verse. im just still not sure if this"poem" is a real thing! and yeah i mean oblivion is amazing. it makes me happy

fillergames · 2012-12-15 22:49:23

You think this is bad? Its a work of art! Its not bad.

zubblewu · 2012-12-15 22:59:54

fillergames wrote:
You think this is bad? Its a work of art! Its not bad.

thank you! also, ive edited it a bit now

Last edited by zubblewu (2012-12-15 23:04:03)

fillergames · 2012-12-15 23:08:20

zubblewu wrote:
fillergames wrote:
You think this is bad? Its a work of art! Its not bad.
thank you! also, ive edited it a bit now

Sadly i forget the original. Can you put a comparison for me?

dontbombiraq · 2012-12-15 23:08:50

odd meter and good depth, but too direct
4/10

zubblewu · 2012-12-15 23:11:30

dontbombiraq wrote:
odd meter and good depth, but too direct
4/10

higher than i had hoped. i personally had fancied it a 2/10 at most. and what is it direct about? its not trying to put across a point, just to convey the reality my twisted mind perceives.

fillergames · 2012-12-15 23:13:51

zubblewu wrote:
dontbombiraq wrote:
odd meter and good depth, but too direct
4/10
higher than i had hoped. i personally had fancied it a 2/10 at most. and what is it direct about? its not trying to put across a point, just to convey the reality my twisted mind perceives.

You two are underrating it 9/10 for me.

zubblewu · 2012-12-15 23:14:53

fillergames wrote:
zubblewu wrote:
fillergames wrote:
You think this is bad? Its a work of art! Its not bad.
thank you! also, ive edited it a bit now
Sadly i forget the original. Can you put a comparison for me?

i dont actually have it
although the only difference is I fixed a few mistakes like we instead of i, and added 2-3 lines at the end

fillergames · 2012-12-15 23:17:09

zubblewu wrote:
fillergames wrote:
zubblewu wrote:

thank you! also, ive edited it a bit now
Sadly i forget the original. Can you put a comparison for me?
i dont actually have it
although the only difference is I fixed a few mistakes like we instead of i, and added 2-3 lines at the end

So its not really that different. Ok its still good.

bananaman114 · 2012-12-15 23:29:37

the ending is even better now zubblewu

dontbombiraq · 2012-12-15 23:33:08

zubblewu wrote:
dontbombiraq wrote:
odd meter and good depth, but too direct
4/10
higher than i had hoped. i personally had fancied it a 2/10 at most. and what is it direct about? its not trying to put across a point, just to convey the reality my twisted mind perceives.

nothing is implied
you write so directly

zubblewu · 2012-12-15 23:35:27

dontbombiraq wrote:
zubblewu wrote:
dontbombiraq wrote:
odd meter and good depth, but too direct
4/10
higher than i had hoped. i personally had fancied it a 2/10 at most. and what is it direct about? its not trying to put across a point, just to convey the reality my twisted mind perceives.
nothing is implied
you write so directly

except the stuff implied so deeply that you can't even see it
but really this isn't about anything
i just typed the way i perceive a foggy day driving over the harbor.

bananaman114 · 2012-12-15 23:37:07

zubblewu wrote:
dontbombiraq wrote:
zubblewu wrote:
higher than i had hoped. i personally had fancied it a 2/10 at most. and what is it direct about? its not trying to put across a point, just to convey the reality my twisted mind perceives.
nothing is implied
you write so directly
except the stuff implied so deeply that you can't even see it
but really this isn't about anything
i just typed the way i perceive a foggy day driving over the harbor.

yeah thats how i felt about the poem too but i can't write poetry worth a care in the world so
but the ending makes me happy
but that might be because it's the ending to the what i'm writing now!

Last edited by bananaman114 (2012-12-15 23:37:26)

zubblewu · 2012-12-15 23:38:42

bananaman114 wrote:
zubblewu wrote:
dontbombiraq wrote:

nothing is implied
you write so directly
except the stuff implied so deeply that you can't even see it
but really this isn't about anything
i just typed the way i perceive a foggy day driving over the harbor.
yeah thats how i felt about the poem too but i can't write poetry worth a care in the world so
but the ending makes me happy
but that might be because it's the ending to the what i'm writing now!

or because its happening within a week bcuz the world will end!

bananaman114 · 2012-12-15 23:40:26

zubblewu wrote:
bananaman114 wrote:
zubblewu wrote:

except the stuff implied so deeply that you can't even see it
but really this isn't about anything
i just typed the way i perceive a foggy day driving over the harbor.
yeah thats how i felt about the poem too but i can't write poetry worth a care in the world so
but the ending makes me happy
but that might be because it's the ending to the what i'm writing now!
or because its happening within a week bcuz the world will end!

!!

Scratch

archived forums

#1 2012-12-15 17:30:38

i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

#2 2012-12-15 17:41:54

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

#3 2012-12-15 17:43:42

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

#4 2012-12-15 17:53:56

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

zubblewu wrote:

#5 2012-12-15 17:57:39

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

bananaman114 wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

#6 2012-12-15 17:59:49

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

zubblewu wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

#7 2012-12-15 18:01:07

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

777w wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

#8 2012-12-15 18:21:11

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

zubblewu wrote:

777w wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

#9 2012-12-15 18:38:33

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

#10 2012-12-15 19:20:55

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

#11 2012-12-15 22:45:29

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

technoguyx wrote:

#12 2012-12-15 22:49:23

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

#13 2012-12-15 22:59:54

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

fillergames wrote:

#14 2012-12-15 23:08:20

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

zubblewu wrote:

fillergames wrote:

#15 2012-12-15 23:08:50

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

#16 2012-12-15 23:11:30

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

dontbombiraq wrote:

#17 2012-12-15 23:13:51

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

zubblewu wrote:

dontbombiraq wrote:

#18 2012-12-15 23:14:53

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

fillergames wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

fillergames wrote:

#19 2012-12-15 23:17:09

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

zubblewu wrote:

fillergames wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

#20 2012-12-15 23:29:37

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

#21 2012-12-15 23:33:08

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

zubblewu wrote:

dontbombiraq wrote:

#22 2012-12-15 23:35:27

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

dontbombiraq wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

dontbombiraq wrote:

#23 2012-12-15 23:37:07

Re: i wrote a terrible "poem"! yay!

zubblewu wrote:

dontbombiraq wrote: