Scratch

soupoftomato wrote:

The lyrics are rather
fabricated
and it's clear the words don't mean anything to you

They were from a poem my friend made.

veggieman001 wrote:

Make it less... uhh... generic I guess. I agree with soup; it doesn't really sound personal at all and it just sounds like some emo song.

yeah, very generic, so uh, sing about stuff that matters to you, and uh, not generic mainstream stuff.

Is that the drummer or the trumpet player veggie ??? (sig)

A little...

creepy...

Animeboy975 wrote:

No offense, but that sounds REALLY emo......

Emo is a label sociaty tries to put on people.

I just took my friend's poem, changed it a tad, and made it into this.

funelephant wrote:

That doesn't take away the creepiness.

It's supposed to be creepy.

The original poem was a shout-out to abused children and animals, belive it or not.

It was supposed to be shown from the point of view of an abused person/animal.

And if anyone says it's "emo" or "goth" again, I'm going to give them a long lecture about society's labels.

777w wrote:

funelephant wrote:

That doesn't take away the creepiness.

i dont think sami said anything about it not being creepy 
anyway ill have to agree with everybody else, these lyrics really could use some work
though i guess if youre doing a poem and want to stay faithful to what it says theres not much you can change is there

+1

See my above post.

Wait
what exactly are they being
"eternally sacrificial" for?

Also, just because it's a poem your friend wrote
doesn't mean they wrote a really good poem!
They may have been trying to write it from that perspective, but have they experienced? Poems are extremely personal, they are generally written when you have an "overflow of emotion" as some author whose name doesn't come to mind right now says and written from your point of view of something that happened to you. Road Not Taken by Robert Frost, I'm Nobody, Who Are You? by Emily Dickinson

And honestly, arguing about society's labels will get you nowhere
call me a nerd or geek or whatever because i honestly don't care and I am one based on the accepted definition
and people will never stop doing it anyway
If you are 'goth', implying wearing all black and listening to the music associated with it, I don't think you're going to care people call you that
but like, a labelless society means we can't have personality or feel a belonging in a group!
what's not so acceptable is things like loser, stupid, idiot, and curse words 

Last edited by soupoftomato (2012-09-21 22:12:53)

veggieman001 wrote:

backspace_ wrote:

Is that the drummer or the trumpet player veggie ??? (sig)

(it's Scott)[/offtopic]

also like why are you asking for suggestions if all you've posted is the lyrics and you've said you don't want to change them because they're based on a poem??

I was asking for suggestions like as to what sort of song it would be, or what we could use it for.

veggieman001 wrote:

what do you mean by 'sort of song'?

It should be an Irish Jig, clearly
that sort of song

samid11 wrote:

...I'm starting to regret posting this now. T_T

I was being
constructive!

Those are serious problems with your song but you seem unwilling to accept any criticism not entirely positive.

no we're not
we're just pointing out that the song sounds like an emo song based on the lyrics

obfuscate wrote:

see the thing is
most of the people who write these types of songs are not nearly depressed enough to be qualified to write them

the only people who would be qualified to write songs that are this depressing are people mentioned in A Softer World

me wrote:

The original poem was a shout-out to abused children and animals, belive it or not.

It was supposed to be shown from the point of view of an abused person/animal.