Scratch

Garr8 wrote:

I am preparing an outline for a fantasy series I plan to write. It resembles the cultures of Pre- colombian North and South Americas.

I have one or two interesting villains, but I read up on final fantasy's Kefka and he seems interesting, so I might add a villain inspired by him.

Okay uh

Allegories for places/governments are cool and all but like
only if they are saying something about society at the time

Animal Farm // Stalin Russia and such

Plus you always say you're writing stuff based on civilizations and I haven't seen a piece yet.

For all I know you keep them saved and you're an amazing satirist or something but I also could assume that you give up fast.
Plus, you are grabbing villain outlines from a very popular source which isn't a good idea as it makes the antagonist unoriginal

This is especially true because you said he seems "interesting" which means you will be exploring the same ideas that the games do

I am making a fantasy world that I plan to make into a novel someday.

It is fantasy with 18th century technology and steampunk mixed in.

Chapter one of my first book.  Not great, but OK.

Chapter 1


    Zach remembered the day he had first encountered one of the ugly monsters. He had been with his mother, gathering berries, when a large creature with enormous frog-like legs and a small head with only a pair of nose slits on top and a hole in the bottom placed grotesquely between the legs had emerged from behind a bush about 50 yards to the right. His mother told him not to worry. “It's called a laetr,” she said. “The magicians control them. We'll be alright as long as you stay away from the hole. It releases acid. Acid to destroy your flesh.” Zach's fear forced him to believe her. They stood perfectly still, not daring to move an inch. For almost half an hour they stood, perfectly silent.
   
    After what seemed to be an eternity, the laetr began to move away. Zach felt an immediate sigh of relief escape him. But before he could even celebrate properly, he heard a loud rustle in the trees behind him. The laetr turned, suspicious. Again, a rustle emerged from behind Zach and his mother. The laetr began walking toward them.
   
    “Run,” said Zach's mother. “Run as fast as you can back to the village, and don't stop until you get there.” There was no emotion in her voice, except a small yet obvious sound of oblivion, as if she knew this was the end, had come to terms with it, and given up.
   
    Zach did as he was told, running doggedly through the unforgiving foliage. He soon reached the village, even with his short, six year old legs. He told them of everything that had happened. The people were concerned, Zach knew, but still he was surprised when they went back to look for her. The people had no idea what the creatures could do. He lead them back to the same place that they had seen the creature. There were tracks in the bright grass, but no sign of the woman that had been there less than an hour before. There was, however a large circle depleted of vegetation of all kinds.
   
    The following day, there had been a small funeral for the woman, since she could only be assumed to be dead. The gravestone was placed on the barren circle. Suddenly, Zach felt a wretched hatred for the father he had never known, the man who had left his mother and never come back. He felt white-hot tears of anger run down his cheeks, and he let them come. He cried until there was no more moisture left in his body to create a tear. He ran away from the small, common village. He ran, far away, until he reached the rolling hills that were visible from about thirty miles off, and he lived there for three days, learning all he could about everything he could from the books he had taken from the village, until hunger brought him back.




. . .
   

    Now, he was once again faced with one of the horrible foes. But this time, it was different. This time, he wouldn't run. He would stand his ground, if only because he had nowhere to run to. As they say, it's the thought that counts.
   
    Who comes up with these sayings?
   
    As he backed slowly away, he felt his head knock against the jagged cliff edge. He stood at the bottom of one of the only cliffs in Sgwuyeo. Good, he thought. He had a simple plan. He would wait for the beast to charge (which they always did), then he would throw himself at its webbed feet. If everything went right, he would trip it headfirst into the cliff.
   
    His thought process was cut short by a mournful howl. The beast would be charging now, judging by the trailing quality of its cry. He looked up, staring right at the monster charging him. At the last minute, he flew forward. He curled up into a ball, tripping the beast and sending it hurling toward the cliff. Then he realized the flaw in his plan.
   
    The thing couldn't hit its head. The knobs at its “knees”, which were pretty much covering its head, protected its head from any fall. It knocked against the cliff, stumbled a bit, then whirled around angrily at its assailant. This time, Zach was on the ground and there was no escape from the charging monster. It ran quickly toward Zach and . . . stopped. Just like that, it froze in place. Zach stood up and tentatively poked the monster in the leg. It didn't respond.

    After an extensive search, though, he managed to find something. Buried deep into the creatures thigh, he extracted a slimy dart. The dart was covered in a black ooze. Zach recognized it as the boiled juice of the aei berry. The juice itself was harmless, but when heated, the unique chlorophyll of the berry would react, creating a powerful laxative. But the bushes were scarce, only abundantly found in the Tiq plain to the north (technically called the Tiqan, but if you have to say technically, it isn’t worth saying, so don’t).

    The Tiq plain was a suspicious place. In the center stood the ecjare pillar, a large obelisk that seemed to be unperturbed by the elements. Often, the magicians would try to discover the mysteries of the towering pillar, but those brave enough to venture into the sandy wasteland would never come back.

    The fact that an aei dart had stopped the creature was a little surprising. These beasts were immune to most forms of drug.

    Zach had jinxed it. The creature rose to its full height of about 5 feet, and once again, it charged. Zach leapt out of the way in rhythm with the pound of the laetr's webbed feet. He was glad that he had decided to consent to the physical training in the town.

    The creature leapt to the ground. Zach had hoped that the beast had tripped, but this was simply a quick way to stall. The laetr kept tumbling even after hitting the ground, coming up about three feet later in a neat somersault. Zach felt his body lift from the ground, and he landed a foot behind the monstrosity. He felt a tugging at the back of his mind that he was missing something, but shoved the feeling away. This was not a time to be distracted.

    He realized, finally, that they were on a large staircase. It was made for giants, yes, but the cliffs formed a staircase. No one had ever ventured this far out from the village. He dashed toward the next edge, bursting with an energy he had never had before. The laetr followed him, moving as fast as its huge legs could carry it. Zach just beat it to the cliff, diving to the side, but he had misjudged the angle and launched himself over the edge. As he fell down, he flailed his arms in a desperate attempt to slow down.

    A small boulder flew from the ground toward Zach to catch him. He was surprised, but Zach knew by now not to question things. If you question blessings, they tend to go away. He rolled back to solid ground, and heard a screech about five feet to his left. He looked down the cliff and saw the frog like thing tumble down the cliffside.

    He began to celebrate his amazing victory, but soon he felt a hand clamp over his mouth. A feminine voice whispered in his ear, “I knew you were one of us”.