Scratch

:< this dead is thread
so uh bamp
also I'm going write again here without it being edited or looked at again by me just because I got an idea and i didn't know where else to put it!
so feel free to edit
or read
if anyone comes to this thread ever again :<

You are at an amusement park with your friends, having the time of your life, trying to enjoy everything there is to offer. The rides, the food, the people. You try to take in as much as possible- you think the chances of going to an amusement park again on your parents budget are slim.
When you go home, your mom asks you if you had a good time. Of course you say yes, but there was that one other thing you wish you had done there. One ride you should have gone on. One vendor you should have bought food from. One game you should have played.
  You know it's unlikely you'll ever do it again, but you want to. It's a priority now.

  I encountered something like this after the accident. Everything around me was grey, and standing in front of me was my mother. But how could that be? She had been dead for years. I must be now too.
  'I've missed you, son! Years fly by here like nothing, but it's been so long. I know it has.' She hugs me. 'You're with me now. You don't have to be scared anymore. But when you were down there- did you have a good time?'
Of course I did. But there was one more thing I had to do.
I had to find the man who shot me.

it probably sucks but whatever

Agg725 wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

:< this dead is thread
so uh bamp
also I'm going write again here without it being edited or looked at again by me just because I got an idea and i didn't know where else to put it!
so feel free to edit
or read
if anyone comes to this thread ever again :<

You are at an amusement park with your friends, having the time of your life, trying to enjoy everything there is to offer. The rides, the food, the people. You try to take in as much as possible- you think the chances of going to an amusement park again on your parents budget are slim.
When you go home, your mom asks you if you had a good time. Of course you say yes, but there was that one other thing you wish you had done there. One ride you should have gone on. One vendor you should have bought food from. One game you should have played.
  You know it's unlikely you'll ever do it again, but you want to. It's a priority now.

  I encountered something like this after the accident. Everything around me was grey, and standing in front of me was my mother. But how could that be? She had been dead for years. I must be now too.
  'I've missed you, son! Years fly by here like nothing, but it's been so long. I know it has.' She hugs me. 'You're with me now. You don't have to be scared anymore. But when you were down there- did you have a good time?'
Of course I did. But there was one more thing I had to do.
I had to find the man who shot me.

it probably sucks but whatever

nice!

I'll take that as a one word review
thanks I guess

wait no imma review your one word review in one word
short

or what about
thanks

the point is im bad at taking compliments
if that even was one

bananaman114 wrote:

Agg725 wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

:< this dead is thread
so uh bamp
also I'm going write again here without it being edited or looked at again by me just because I got an idea and i didn't know where else to put it!
so feel free to edit
or read
if anyone comes to this thread ever again :<

You are at an amusement park with your friends, having the time of your life, trying to enjoy everything there is to offer. The rides, the food, the people. You try to take in as much as possible- you think the chances of going to an amusement park again on your parents budget are slim.
When you go home, your mom asks you if you had a good time. Of course you say yes, but there was that one other thing you wish you had done there. One ride you should have gone on. One vendor you should have bought food from. One game you should have played.
  You know it's unlikely you'll ever do it again, but you want to. It's a priority now.

  I encountered something like this after the accident. Everything around me was grey, and standing in front of me was my mother. But how could that be? She had been dead for years. I must be now too.
  'I've missed you, son! Years fly by here like nothing, but it's been so long. I know it has.' She hugs me. 'You're with me now. You don't have to be scared anymore. But when you were down there- did you have a good time?'
Of course I did. But there was one more thing I had to do.
I had to find the man who shot me.

it probably sucks but whatever

nice!

I'll take that as a one word review
thanks I guess

wait no imma review your one word review in one word
short

or what about
thanks

the point is im bad at taking compliments
if that even was one

XD Yes it was.

bananaman114 wrote:

Agg725 wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

I'll take that as a one word review
thanks I guess

wait no imma review your one word review in one word
short

or what about
thanks

the point is im bad at taking compliments
if that even was one

XD Yes it was.

thanks!
why did you like it
wait you never said you liked it you said it was nice :<
why was it nice to you?
dangit
why did you think it was nice?

ummm I don't know. i just thought it was awesome

Wickimen wrote:

I will not speak in Italian for except for this sentence, to prove that I have not forgotten Italian Week

bananaman114 wrote:

:< this dead is thread
so uh bamp
also I'm going write again here without it being edited or looked at again by me just because I got an idea and i didn't know where else to put it!
so feel free to edit
or read
if anyone comes to this thread ever again :<

You are at an amusement park with your friends, having the time of your life, trying to enjoy everything there is to offer. The rides, the food, the people. You try to take in as much as possible--you think the chances of going to an amusement park again on your parents' budget are slim.
When you go home, your mom asks you if you had a good time. Of course you say yes, but there was that one other thing you wish you had done there. One ride you should have gone on. One vendor you should have bought food from. One game you should have played.
  You know it's unlikely you'll ever do it again, but you want to. It's a priority now. I like the beginning a lot, especially this last paragraph^^

  I encountered something like this after the accident. Everything around me was grey, and standing in front of me was my mother. But how could that be? She had been dead for years. I must be now too.  Perhaps a bit more description, et cetera? i.e., what everything looks like, besides being just grey (even if there's nothing there, just like, VAST EMPTINESS ECHOING AROUND ME!! or something, except not sarcastic or campy lol)
  'I've missed you, son! Years fly by here like nothing, but it's been so long. I know it has.' She hugs me. Wouldn't she probably address her son by his name? 'You're with me now. You don't have to be scared anymore. But when you were down there--did you have a good time?'
Of course I did. But there was one more thing I had to do.
I had to find the man who shot me.
Okay so
it probably sucks but whatever
No it doesn't suck!!
I love what you have so far and it's a cool idea 
One problem, however
You say at the first paragraph after the break, //I encountered something like this after the accident//. "The accident." Being shot, however--//I had to find the man who shot me.//--is not usually an accident
And, if it was a true accident in some way, then why is he out for vengeance? (He seems to be, but I assume)

So uh yeah
In summation: I really like it; now, keep writing and don't cause a zombie apocalypse so that I have to fly away in a jet disguised as that friend of yours!

Haha yeah
I don't know why I said 'accident' when I knew that I was going to write that at the end  O_O
somtimes I forget my brain
She should address her son by his name but
I couldn't think of a non-generic name that didn't SUCK 

and about the greyness
I couldn't think of a setting
so I said
why not purgatory
and then I thought
how the heck do you describe purgatory???
so I decided not to even try

PLEASE REVIEW

It was a cool, crisp Sunday morning in the middle of October. People bustled around the station, hurrying to catch their train for the morning commute. All except the would be passengers of the Kingstown Express. They had found their route barred by a police blockade, and were going to be late.
   A Kingstown journalist who had missed his train had passed the police barrier to see what there was to be seen was not disappointed. He had been instructed by the police commissioner who's badge read 'Johnson' not to take pictures, but they wouldn't have been published anyway. Something like this couldn't make the front page without cries and hysteria from parents and the weak stomached all across the county.
   Blood flooded straight down to the platform from the remains of a disfigured man. A pistol lay at his side, and a bullet in his brain. The police commissioner told him that it appeared to be a suicide, but investigations were still ongoing. In a hushed tone he asked the man not to write anything down and to go back behind the barrier. People were starting to get jealous and inquisitive of the journalist.
Mr. Lepal of the Kingstown County News slipped to the back of the crowd and quietly scrawled a few words into his notebook as he prepared to deliver to the county the most sensational story they had seen since a gorilla had escaped the zoo.
"TRAIN STATION SHOOTING - SUICIDE SUSPECTED'