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maxdoss · 2012-08-04 11:28:17

Prolouge

A dark, pure black hand rose from the sand. Then another. Then finally a whole, pure black body, came out from the now darkened sand. The being's face was looking at his new, darkened body. With a snap of his fingers, black robes come onto him.

"I see you like your newfound powers." A deep, evil voice said. It looked like a black cloud, constantly changing appearance.
"Of course." The the dark figure replied.
"I thought so..... Swevern. Now, there is something I must show you." The black cloud floated to a cave made of sandstone, also darkened.

Inside the cave was something no living man would ever see intill now. Ten thousand spiders with green eyes, climbing around. "Perfect." Swevern said.
The black cloud flew above them all, and suddenly the spider's eyes became red. "What have you done?" Swevern asked.
The black cloud replied,"These spider's shall now attack the humans. It's time to start the war. But first, you owe me something."
"What is it?"
"Give me your arm."
Immediately, Swevern stretched his arm out. The black cloud ate away at the elbow, and severed it. Swevern looked like he was in pain, but didn't say anything. The severed arm stood up, and grew intill it was 2 blocks tall. It turned green, and had a plant texture. It had 4 legs: The old fingers of Swevern, with the thumb disappearing. Israphel walked to it, but then it started hissing, and glowing white. Then it explode, sending Swevern back.
"What.... what will we call it?" Swevern asked, his arm growing back.
"The Creeper." The black cloud said. "By the end of the war, people shall remember this name........."

"Herobrine."

(how do you guys like it so far?)

Last edited by maxdoss (2012-08-05 01:10:31)

777w · 2012-08-04 11:38:45

as soon as the word "israphel" was mentioned i stopped reading and when i saw the lone "herobrine" down there i didnt bother to give it a second chance :L
sorry man but i dont know if this can come out good

Last edited by 777w (2012-08-04 11:40:00)

maxdoss · 2012-08-04 11:43:37

777w wrote:
as soon as the word "israphel" was mentioned i stopped reading and when i saw the lone "herobrine" down there i didnt bother to give it a second chance :L
sorry man but i dont know if this can come out good

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

777w · 2012-08-04 11:46:58

maxdoss wrote:
777w wrote:
as soon as the word "israphel" was mentioned i stopped reading and when i saw the lone "herobrine" down there i didnt bother to give it a second chance :L
sorry man but i dont know if this can come out good
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

i dont know too much about israphel but herobrine is so overused its sickening

Zeusking19 · 2012-08-04 13:43:00

Dont bother with herobrine. HE IS GONE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!

According to the 1.3 changelog.

Bklecka · 2012-08-04 14:40:07

awesome story!

Epsilon388 · 2012-08-04 17:36:31

I like it!

soupoftomato · 2012-08-04 17:49:38

maxdoss wrote:
777w wrote:
as soon as the word "israphel" was mentioned i stopped reading and when i saw the lone "herobrine" down there i didnt bother to give it a second chance :L
sorry man but i dont know if this can come out good
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

See like, this is a story based on Minecraft. That's fine that you use stuff within it.

But when you use Herobrine or Israphel you just aren't able to come up with a plot on your own and are relying too much on community made creations to carry the story.

777w · 2012-08-04 17:51:33

Zeusking19 wrote:
Dont bother with herobrine. HE IS GONE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!

According to the 1.3 changelog.

according to more than the 1.3 changelog
there are like 7 that say it

banana500 · 2012-08-04 21:17:18

I don't mean to be rude but...it's not that original.

You gotta come up with your own antagonist and protagonist, and make your own story besides basing it off of other peoples'. Don't use Herobrine as a villain--he's way overused. Also, don't use Israphel, because his character has already been established by the Yogscast.

This story seems like it could have heaps of potential, but you should try to come up with more original characters. smile

jukyter · 2012-08-04 21:33:51

You overuse ......... way too much. Apart from that you use Herobrine and Israphel, both of which are already well established.

soupoftomato · 2012-08-04 21:57:58

jukyter wrote:
You overuse ......... way too much. Apart from that you use Herobrine and Israphel, both of which are already well established.

The proper form of an ellipses is ". . ." with the spaces necessary.

Pet peeve tongue

maxdoss · 2012-08-05 01:06:25

To all you haters out there: Deal with it. This is MY story, not yours. I can write it the way I want. I might change Israphel, but herobrine is staying.

Last edited by maxdoss (2012-08-05 01:07:03)

777w · 2012-08-05 08:30:17

maxdoss wrote:
To all you haters out there: Deal with it. This is MY story, not yours. I can write it the way I want. I might change Israphel, but herobrine is staying.

there are no "haters," most of the people here are offering constructive criticism and good ideas. if you ask "how do you guys like it so far" then, believe it or not, people will tell you how they like it so far!

banana500 · 2012-08-05 13:19:47

maxdoss wrote:
To all you haters out there: Deal with it. This is MY story, not yours. I can write it the way I want. I might change Israphel, but herobrine is staying.

Um...you've got the wrong idea now.

We are not "haters". We were simply giving constructive criticism. That doesn't make us "haters" at all.

Constructive Criticism wrote:
I think that your story has lots of potential, but it just needs some better and more original characters.

Haters wrote:
This story freaking sucks! Stop writing it--you've got no talent!

See the difference?

EDIT: I see that you changed Israphel to Swevern. That's a good start. smile

Last edited by banana500 (2012-08-05 13:21:21)

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archived forums

#1 2012-08-04 11:28:17

Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

#2 2012-08-04 11:38:45

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

#3 2012-08-04 11:43:37

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

777w wrote:

#4 2012-08-04 11:46:58

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

maxdoss wrote:

777w wrote:

#5 2012-08-04 13:43:00

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

#6 2012-08-04 14:40:07

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

#7 2012-08-04 17:36:31

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

#8 2012-08-04 17:49:38

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

maxdoss wrote:

777w wrote:

#9 2012-08-04 17:51:33

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

Zeusking19 wrote:

#10 2012-08-04 21:17:18

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

#11 2012-08-04 21:33:51

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

#12 2012-08-04 21:57:58

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

jukyter wrote:

#13 2012-08-05 01:06:25

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

#14 2012-08-05 08:30:17

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

maxdoss wrote:

#15 2012-08-05 13:19:47

Re: Minecraft: A Darkness Rising (A Minecraft WIP story)

maxdoss wrote:

Constructive Criticism wrote:

Haters wrote:

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