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Last edited by humhumgames (2012-08-06 14:50:22)

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Reviewing:

   You don't have to be a member of Bookworm Studios to review. All you have to do is fill out this form, then post it on this thread.

I am reviewing the book:
How much did you like this book (--/10)?:
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Why or why not *Optional*?:
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Last edited by humhumgames (2012-08-06 14:50:39)

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Last edited by humhumgames (2012-08-06 14:50:59)

woah hey this looks pretty cool :O

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Short Stories:

  - The Thing by wiimaster  [ShortStories ages 13+]
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Last edited by humhumgames (2012-08-06 14:51:20)

^I wouldn't use children because everything here has to be age appropriate, but everything else yeah.

I'm not sure if I put my edits here, but here I go.

Ravenkit bounded up and down, excitement filling her paws. "Who's here? Who's here?" She questioned rapidly, her breath frosty in the Leafbare
weather. [What does 'leafbare weather' mean?] A new, strong scent filled the young cat's nose as she peeked through the entrance of the soft MeadowClan nursery. [Not sure if 'soft' is the right word to describe a nursery...]
   "Shhhhh!" Dawnrise, Ravenkit's mother dragged the kit towards the back of the
nursery. Ravenkit peeked through a hole in the nursery wall. Maybe it's a good thing they never bother to fix this nursery! It's as old as my mom! Ravenkit thought as she stuck her nose through the hole. [Maybe italicize the thoughts?]
   She smelled the strong scent again, although now it mingled more with the tight moor to the east of the MeadowClan territory.
   Ravenkit gazed out and managed to hear the hushed, whispering voices of wandering cats and the more serious tone of their leader, Foxstar, and a mysterious, gruff mew. [That was kind of a run-on sentence.] That was one of the kit's many talents: excellent hearing.
   Ravenkit leaned in to hear more of the conversation. SPLASH!
"Yuck!" Ravenkit meowed, a little too loudly. She had landed in a dirt pile, next to the nursery. A mysterious clump smelled vaguely of Lightfoot, a delicate she-cat. Not so delicate anymore, Ravenkit thought bitterly, wading in the foul-smelling dirt. I don't think it is possible to 'wade' through dirt.
   "No, it's just a kit!" The mysterious visitor stood glaring over the dirt pile, with a distasteful look on his dark face.
   "Um, hello?" Ravenkit tried. [Tried?]
   "I am Darkmoon, have we met before?" Darkmoon's expression turned
into a confused look as if he was trying to remember something. But Ravenkit knew and remembered who he was. She felt like cowering, but as long as
he didn't remember her, she was safe.
  "I don't believe we have met, I'm Ravenkit." The shadowy kit mewed cautiously.
   Darkmoon just grunted in return, and then padded away and into the entrance to the leader's den - the Stone Tree.
   That night Ravenkit worried. "Darkmoon..." She whispered, "I hope our leader knows what trouble you'll cause in the future."

Blue: Re-wording/My notes
Red: Spelling
Green: Grammar/Punctuation

Last edited by wiimaster (2012-08-02 15:58:26)

The Thing by wiimaster

NOTE: This story contains mildly frightening scenes, mild descriptions of violence, mild described gore, and minor sensitive themes.

Chapter 1: The Thing
    William lived alone. Well, not quite alone. There was another being that resided in William's old bungalow. He called this beast 'The Thing'. The Thing was a vicious monster William had been trying to slay for fifty, lonely years of his hopeless life. It ruined his life. It ate his food. Destroyed his antique furniture.
    And it killed his wife.
    Fifty years ago, William lived happily with his wife, Mary. One cool evening, they were having their routinely cup of tea. William remembered Mary saying she heard a creaking from outside. When William took a nervous glance out the window, he saw their cherry tree falling down. The cherry tree that they planted when they first got married. Mary cracked opened the window to see what happened, and suddenly a massive, rabid, creature jumped onto her skin. William grabbed his shiny, black rifle and fired two shots at it. The creature pounced over to William, gnawing off the gun's brass barrel, rendering it useless. William tossed the broken gun aside, hopeless now. He heard a chilling, shrill, scream from behind. He turned around, and gasped with horror as he saw Mary's twisted body, flopped onto the floor, her once beautiful face in a shocked, horrified expression. This terrible Thing had killed her, and escaped out the open window.
    Now, William is 83. He had attempted to avenge Mary by killing The Thing multiple times - all failed. The only thing that has kept him going is his sorrow for Mary.
    He had sworn to defeat it, and nothing will stop him. Nothing. He must avenge his beloved Mary.

Chapter 2: Revenge
    Click!
    William flicked off his small, black and white television set, growing tired of hearing the Prime Minister drone on about taxes.
    'Nothing good, again.' Sighed William. All he ever thought about was is sorrow, and revenge. Revenge on The Thing. Mary had died because of it. And he will most definitely not be next.
    He sat for a while, in silence, drinking his bitter, cold coffee and biting into a stale biscuit. Everything seemed like a normal day for William.
    Then he heard a scratching noise. The haunting sound of claws against wood. He turned around slowly and cautiously and saw a lump in his frayed, old rug.
    'The Thing' He whispered to himself. An image of Mary's slashed up body appeared in his mind. Rage flushed through his frail body like an angry wave crashing against the beach of his sorrow. He picked up a small, wooden chair and crept over to the carpet. He raised the chair, ready to slam the warped mahogany onto the dreaded lump. Before he even lowered the chair, the lump tore open and the vile creature jumped out, snarling and screeching.
    William saw its hideous face once more. He hadn't seen it so clearly since Mary's murder. He finally could identify what this awful creature is. A rabid, oversize, monstrous rat! The horrendous memories came back at the sight of the thing. Its horrid, beady, red eyes stared down William, unblinking. Its overgrown claws, brown with dirt, dug into the remains of the crimson rug. Its fangs were bared, blood dripping from the yellow, pointy death traps, as if it just killed Mary yesterday.
    It pounced at him, hissing, digging its fangs into his arm.
    William was frozen with fear. Pain was searing through his arm. Foam was bubbling from the rats mouth. He shook The Thing off of him, flipping it onto its back. Power built up in his old muscles, and in his heart.
    I may be old, but I'm not dying yet, he thought. He lunged and brought the chair down onto the beast's ugly head, with no regret.
    'FOR MARY!' He roared, has he crushed The Thing's skull.

Chapter 3: Alone
    William took a few deep, raspy breaths. His aching back began to throb. He stared at the creature's dead body, its face twisted into a fearful face. Shock. The same face Mary had: Fear. Sorrow. Sadness.
    'Ohh...' Mumbled William. 'Oh...'
    Now what? He had killed it, but to achieve what? Revenge?
    What will he do with his life now? Avenging Mary was his purpose. And now he had done it.
    William heaved a mourning sigh. He walked over to his only photo of Mary, and kissed it lightly, with his wrinkled, dry lips.
    'Farewell, my love' He whispered. He then lay down near the dead creature, and went still, finally alone.

[To humhumgames: This goes under Short Stories, Suspense, and Horror (if multiple genres is allowed... I would assume that it is.).
Another suggestion: How about an age rating system?
I could come up with a sensible one. I mean, there will probably only be a few different ratings, 1-6, 7-10, 11-14, and 15+. But then their could be tags like I added at the top of my stories such as mild violence, frightening scenes, young romance, sensitive material etc... Also, each rating would be in brackets next to the book title in the library, and then on the actual post with the book there would be an in depth rating with the tags and all. Just tell me if you like the idea and I will make a full-out rating system.]

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The Thing by wiimaster

Chapter 1: The Thing
    William lived alone. Well, not quite alone. There was another being that resided in William's old bungalow. He called this beast 'The Thing'. The Thing was a vicious monster William had been trying to slay for fifty, lonely years of his hopeless life. It ruined his life. It ate his food. Destroyed his antique furniture.
    And it killed his wife.
    Fifty years ago, William lived happily with his wife, Mary. One cool evening, they were having their routinely cup of tea. William remembered Mary saying she heard a creaking from outside. When William took a nervous glance out the window, he saw their cherry tree falling down. The cherry tree that they planted when they first got married. Mary cracked opened the window to see what happened, and suddenly a massive, rabid, creature jumped onto her skin. William grabbed his shiny, black rifle and fired two shots at it. The creature pounced over to William, gnawing off the gun's brass barrel, rendering it useless. William tossed the broken gun aside, hopeless now. He heard a chilling, shrill, scream from behind. He turned around, and gasped with horror as he saw Mary's twisted body, flopped onto the floor, her once beautiful face in a shocked, horrified expression. This terrible Thing had killed her, and escaped out the open window.
    Now, William is 83. He had attempted to avenge Mary by killing The Thing multiple times - all failed. The only thing that has kept him going is his sorrow for Mary.
    He had sworn to defeat it, and nothing will stop him. Nothing. He must avenge his beloved Mary.

Chapter 2: Revenge
    Click!
    William flicked off his small, black and white television set, growing tired of hearing the Prime Minister drone on about taxes.
    'Nothing good, again.' Sighed William. All he ever thought about was is sorrow, and revenge. Revenge on The Thing. Mary had died because of it. And he will most definitely not be next.
    He sat for a while, in silence, drinking his bitter, cold coffee and biting into a stale biscuit. Everything seemed like a normal day for William.
    Then he heard a scratching noise. The haunting sound of claws against wood. He turned around slowly and cautiously and saw a lump in his frayed, old rug.
    'The Thing' He whispered to himself. An image of Mary's slashed up body appeared in his mind. Rage flushed through his frail body like an angry wave crashing against the beach of his sorrow. He picked up a small, wooden chair and crept over to the carpet. He raised the chair, ready to slam the warped mahogany onto the dreaded lump. Before he even lowered the chair, the lump tore open and the vile creature jumped out, snarling and screeching.
    William saw its hideous face once more. He hadn't seen it so clearly since Mary's murder. He finally could identify what this awful creature is. A rabid, oversize, monstrous rat! The horrendous memories came back at the sight of the thing. Its horrid, beady, red eyes stared down William, unblinking. Its overgrown claws, brown with dirt, dug into the remains of the crimson rug. Its fangs were bared, blood dripping from the yellow, pointy death traps, as if it just killed Mary yesterday.
    It pounced at him, hissing, digging its fangs into his arm.
    William was frozen with fear. Pain was searing through his arm. Foam was bubbling from the rats mouth. He shook The Thing off of him, flipping it onto its back. Power built up in his old muscles, and in his heart.
    I may be old, but I'm not dying yet, he thought. He lunged and brought the chair down onto the beast's ugly head, with no regret.
    'FOR MARY!' He roared, has he crushed The Thing's skull.

Chapter 3: Alone
    William took a few deep, raspy breaths. His aching back began to throb. He stared at the creature's dead body, its face twisted into a fearful face. Shock. The same face Mary had: Fear. Sorrow. Sadness.
    'Ohh...' Mumbled William. 'Oh...'
    Now what? He had killed it, but to achieve what? Revenge?
    What will he do with his life now? Avenging Mary was his purpose. And now he had done it.
    William heaved a mourning sigh. He walked over to his only photo of Mary, and kissed it lightly, with his wrinkled, dry lips.
    'Farewell, my love' He whispered. He then lay down near the dead creature, and went still, finally alone.

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Last edited by humhumgames (2012-08-06 14:51:37)

Sci- fi?

Documentaries? 

berberberber wrote:

Sci- fi?

Documentaries? 

Working on that. A post for each genre takes a long time. How's it going with the logo?

Home | Write | Join | Review/Read | Polls and Voting | Genres | Help and Request

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To quick search this genre:

Press 'Ctrl' then 'f' on your keyboard. Then copy and paste which age group or tag (below, along with brackets) you would like for your story.

[Bio ages 1-5]
[Bio ages 6-8]
[Bio ages 9-12]
[Bio ages 13+]

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Biography:

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Last edited by humhumgames (2012-08-06 14:52:22)