Scratch

Part 1:

Three seconds ago, I made a crayon. It was a really peculiar crayon. It sounded like a crayon, it colors like a crayon, and it looks like a crayon. Guess what I named this crayon? I named it........... The Crayon!!!!!!!!!! Isn't it a wonderful name? Yes it is. I mean if it sounds like a crayon, it colors like a crayon, and it looks like a crayon, why not just simply call it a crayon? Even Einstein couldn't have figured that out. Ha ha, I'm smarter than Einstein! I tried to color on white paper, but nothing happened. I threw a temper tantrum and through the crayon as far away from me as possible. I then realize that the crayon is white colored! Gee, I may be smarter than Einstein, but not as smart at Newton. I bet Newton would have spent months, even years to figure that out. I then tried to pick it up, but it broke in half. I defied the equation E=MC2!!!!!! I knew Einstein was just a fraud. I returned to making a new crayon. I know how to make a crayon, because I have the Crayola Crayon Maker. It is the best invention yet. I forgot to tell you my name. I am Bob, also known as Bob the Magnificent, Bob the Superman, Bob the Builder, and Bob the Crayon. I am clearly not a crayon, I always tell my classmate Joe. He is also known as Judge Joe Brown, which is a divorce judge. I do not appreciate his lifestyle. He writes on his math homework when it clearly says "Fill in the blanks". I mean seriously, it doesn't say "Write on the homework". That is why I think he is always only getting an A, while I'm getting a F. F's are better than A's as I always say, because F comes after A in the alphabet. I kind of gotten distracted, telling you about the Judge Joe Brown. I am in pre- school. I am also the smartest person existing on earth. Doesn't anybody know the real answer to any addition problem? Take 1+1 for an example. People think 1+1 is 2. Well, it doesn't. 1 piece of dough plus another piece of dough stuck together equals one piece of dough. Same with all other problems like that. I’m going back to my crayon making. But something really bad happened!
    The bad thing that happened was that the crayon turned out to be another white crayon when I specifically told it to make it white. Doesn't anybody or anything ever listen? Well, besides me of course. The crayon was finished. I was ready to draw..................

When I started coloring, I realized that I forgot the paper. Although it wasn't the first time it happened, I was still very shocked at the discovery. I grabbed a sheet of paper, orange this time, remembering my mistake last time. When I first put my crayon down, a white spot appeared on the paper! I need to show the people of the world that when you use a white crayon on orange paper, a white spot shows up. I called Joe on my paper phone, but nobody answered. Every since I made my paper phone and threw away my cell phone, nobody called me and nobody answered my calls. Then I realized that I forgot to put batteries in my phone, so I went downstairs, took my dad's car battery (it lasts longer than standard AA or AAA batteries) and stuck it in my phone. The battery was a little big, but it would do. So I tried to call Joe again, but nobody answered. I needed to prove to the world that paper phones do not work, even if you put a huge battery. So I threw the phone and the battery in the community trash bag. They usually throw away the trash every Tuesday at 8:10. Today is Tuesday and it is 12 seconds until 8:10. Then, I quickly ran home to tell my dad that I was going to file in a report recalling paper phones and proving to the world that we should use cell phones instead. My dad agreed and we went into his car. He said that he was going to take me to Olympic National Park located somewhere in a very weird state called Seattle to give my speech. Then I just remembered something. The car battery has already been thrown away.
    "Why isn't this car starting?" my dad asked to himself. "I guess I need to get the jump starter."
    Uh oh. I was going to get in serious trouble.
    "Where is the battery!?!" my dad yelled.
    I stayed quite.
    "Bob, where did you put the battery!? Tell me now, or I'm going to take away your only penny!"
    "Your car battery is in the landfill. Already burned up, or shredded, probably." I said quickly.
    "Get out of the car!!" he screamed.
    "No!!!!!!!!!"
    "Yes!!!!!!!!!"
    "No!!!!!!!!!"
    "@#%!%^#&#%^"
    I couldn't hide a shocked expression. I only heard him swear when he was really REALLY mad. The last time I heard him say those words was when I forgot to turn off the shower head and I was naughty enough to close the drainage pipe too. We went to the mall that day for 3.5 hours. When we came back, our whole house was flooded. That was a bad day.
    He took away my penny, forever. I cried. Then I thought of something. I realized that if I could prove to my dad that I didn't throw it away, my sister did, and then I would be able to get my penny back. I walked downstairs.
    "Dad?" I called
    "Don't talk to me." he said
    "I didn't throw your battery away. My sister did."
    "You don't have a sister."
    I didn't think about that. Guess my proof was a false proof.

My false proof was really bad. First, my dad decided to give me a lecture on lying. I was not listening. I was plotting to overthrow my dad. First, I would boil a lot of green peas. I would then put it into a peashooter. I would make tons of magazines, each filled with 50 peas. Then, I would shoot them around the house. My dad would go nuts. I would then rule the house! I would call this, The Green Pea Mania! After his lecture, I got to work. I went to Sears by riding with my neighbors. I bought a pea shooter, and then returned home. I then went to Wal-mart to buy lots and lots of peas. I went home and boiled them; I might have over-boiled, because they were black. I stuffed them in plastic bags, and then I put one into the pea shooter. I was moving stealthily like an assassin. I went to my dad’s room, and suddenly shot the gun. Three things happened at the same time. First, I shot. Then, my dad was so mad at me, he spanked me silly. Third, he threw me out of the house. My plan had backfired. I was thrown outside, instead of my dad! I shall sue him for that! I dialed 911, then the police, ambulance, and the fire-fighters came. I said that my dad threw me outside from the 3rd floor! I showed the glass that was broken (I broke it before they came). They were all shocked! They went inside the house, went to the 3rd level, then they saw my dad, covered in green peas, and the room was like freshly painted green paint. The rescue team looked at me, and then asked me what all this was. It wasn’t even the room with the broken glass! They put me in handcuffs, because you can get arrested for falsely calling the police. I was put into juvenile detention! I was so mad. I broke the bars, and then escaped. The guards saw me. They shot me...
The first thing I felt was a blinding new pain in my back. I screamed, and then fell and everything turned black. After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally woke up in a bizarre pale white hospital room. The doctor said I fell in a coma for about two seconds (2 SECONDS?!). But how did I get to the hospital from the prison in less than two seconds? The answer was simply a new invention called the hyper-speed super car. It can travel up to two times the speed of light. Anyway, we should get back to the story. The doctor asked me did I feel anything. I said besides the blinding pain in my back, everything feels okay. The doctor says that he will then have to cut open my back, put it some insects (gross!), and finally sew my back together. Then, after the surgery, I’ll have to be in hospital rehabilitation for a month, and then I would have three whole dog years in jail!!!! That’s some life I have! I wonder what my dad would have done to me. Then, suddenly, my dad came into the room, with my mom!!!!!!!!!! I was happy, and then sad. I realized that my dad would just punish me even more. He came to me, slapped hard, and then went away. I then looked to my mom, and then realized that she’s a cyborg alien from the planet of Gbkgbfkisgbf!!!!!! I was so scared. My mom looked at me, and then went away. The doctor did his surgery. I woke up and found an entire Mount Everest of insects sitting on me! I took out my crayon, and then started to kill the insects. Except they didn’t die. They bit me and bit me until I looked like a big meatball.     

End of Part 1

Part 2 coming soon

Last edited by Haiming (2012-07-11 14:35:59)