Scratch

I am writing a story (my first), and I wanted some input. It has gotten some good reviews, but I want some more. Here are the first 4 chapters of it:

May 3, 2092, 11:47 PM
100…99…98…
These numbers flashed over Jerry William’s hologram screen. It was a crisp, sunny morning on May 3rd, 2092, and a perfect day for a rocket launch.
Of course, Jerry thought. It will be fine. Just like every other mission I have ever been on.
Jerry William was only twenty-five years old, but was already being considered one of the greatest astronauts that had ever lived, along with Neil Armstrong and “Buzz” Aldrin, and Jerry’s favorite, Joshua Medals. Medals had landed on Mars the very day that jerry had been born; on February 13, 2066. This had always made Jerry want to become an astronaut, which he accomplished at the very young age of nineteen.
Williams started his astronauting career with a simple trip to the moon. His mission was to see whether or not iron was deep into the moon’s core. This was followed by an unprecedented ten straight successful missions, his most recent being the first man to step on Pluto. It had undoubtedly been Jerry’s least favorite mission. He would never forget the indescribable cold that penetrated the suit that barely kept him warm enough for fifteen minutes. But, it was a successful mission nonetheless.
59…58…57…
“What the-” he muttered. He had wandered off into a little world of his own, and the shock of not being prepared for launch could cause serious injury.
“I can’t believe-Jerry Williams? Mission with me?”
Beside him, Jerry’s mission partner, Benedict Pearson, kept mumbling excitedly.
“Will you shut up, please,” Jerry growled. He didn’t really mind Benedict, but listening to that for the entire two-week trip just might cause Jerry to push Benedict out of the air lock.
Benedict Pearson was the complete antipode in appearances to Jerry. Jerry was kind of short, but well-built and muscular. He had short, blond hair and dark brown eyes with a clear face. Benedict, age twenty four, on the other hand, was tall and kind of scrawny. He had pale blue eyes, and long, dark hair that hung down to his eyebrows and reached the bottom of his neck. His face was covered with freckles.
It was Benedict’s rookie mission, and Jerry wondered how the heck Benedict was selected to accompany him on the mission. Jerry knew that he was to be assigned a rookie for this particular mission, but he had seen many better, less-excitable trainees that had actually gone to the moon on a training mission. Jerry doubted that Benedict had even orbited the Earth.
“He’ll be fine,” Natasha Phillips, the mission controller had said to him. “He’s a genius programmer. That’s why I chose him. They say that the only programmer better at his job at that age was your father.” Jerry’s father had designed the Space Exploration Program’s (S.E.P.) computer program. He still worked there, to program and build new rockets and missiles.
Jerry still thought that his best friend, Gregory Driver, should have been picked for this mission. Instead, the jocular but brave astronaut got to be the radio command controller; relaying commands from Natasha Phillips to Jerry. Speaking of which…
The speaker in his earpiece cackled. “How are you doing,” Greg asked.
“Ah, there you are,” Jerry said. “What took you so long?”
“I had to finish my Snickers bar. Some things from the early 2000s are still pretty good,” he remarked. “Anyway, Natty just wants you to remember to keep Benedict under control, and whatever you do, keep your cool.”
Jerry remembered his fantasy about pushing Benedict out into open space. Right on cue, Greg said, “And absolutely no air lock pushing.”
“Dang.” Jerry said. “You read my mind. Still, I’m not sure I will be able to refrain from doing that. I’ll apologize in advance.”
Greg laughed. “And Natty thinks I’m the one with humor issues. Maybe it’s just the nickname. Anyway, good luck. The only thing that could go wrong is running out of fuel. Or the sip not holding, or not breaking Jupiter’s gravity.” The mission was to go to Jupiter’s core and look for any natural resources to harvest for Earth. “Or, for example, the entire ship could explode just seconds after lift-off.”
“Gee, thanks, Mr. Optimist,” Jerry said, grinning. Greg turned his microphone off, and Jerry tried to ignore Benedict’s frequent ramblings to prepare for launch.
20…19…18…
“Tell me, Benedict, have you ever ridden in a V-8 rocket before?” The V-8 rocket was an extremely powerful rocket used for long distance mission. It had been designed by Jerry’s father.
“Umm…no. Why do you ask?” Benedict asked, still amazed that his hero was talking to him.
14…13…12…
“Well then, I can’t wait to see the look on your face when we get into space,” Jerry said while smirking. “Get ready.”
7…6…5…
Benedict was a little slow witted. “Wait a sec-what is that supposed to mean?”
Jerry purposely waited a few seconds before answering. “You’ll see,” he said, still smirking.
2…1…0…
Liftoff, Jerry though with a huge jerk up.
*********
May 3rd, 11:50 PM
Jerry had been in a V-8 rocket five times before, yet he still wasn’t used to it. When describing the sensation, he can only say, “There’s a pull, a blur, and then you’re in space. It’s no use describing the crazy feeling in your head and stomach.”
They had broken through Earth’s atmosphere in 5.2 seconds. New Record; Previous Record was 5.8… was flashing on the holoscreen in front of Jerry.
Jerry, though still a little bit queasy, looked over at Benedict and burst out laughing.
Benedict was extremely pale, (even more so than usual), a color that nearly matched his eyes. His long hair stuck straight up, and he stared blankly into space, with his mouth wide open.
A few seconds later, Benedict’s cheeks puffed out, and he grabbed the nearest container. He turned away from Benedict towards the window.
“Hey,” Jerry complained. “Don’t get sick in my only good box of Mac ‘n’ Cheese.”
A minute later, Benedict was still staring, his mouth gaping. Jerry could see it in the reflection in the window. Jerry wondered if there was something wrong. “Is everything O.K.? Because I can call a medic if you need one.”
Benedict shook his head and said, “Au-hum.”
“You thought that ride was awesome,” Jerry exclaimed in disbelief.
“No.” Benedict seemed to regain his composure. “That’s awesome.” Benedict pointed out the window.
Jerry unstrapped to get a better angle of what Benedict had pointed at. He looked at a beautiful scene of the large, blue orb called Earth. There were deserts, clouds, continents, and oceans. Jerry even spotted the ISS2, the huge, hotel satellite orbiting the Earth.
On previous missions, Jerry had been too focused on his mission to really appreciate the beauty of things in space. He took a moment to let it sink in.
Finally, Jerry said, “Well, I guess we ought to get moving. Let’s sneak peek a glimpse of your programming skills I’ve been hearing about.”
“Oh, yes.” Benedict sounded amazed that Jerry Williams had complimented him, sort of. “I’ll go do that. In what directional angle is planet Jupiter in, again?”
Jerry checked his holowatch. “Sixty-eight, point five-three-nine degrees, to the right, precisely. You got that memorized? We can’t be floating into an asteroid, or something.”
“Yeah, I got it. Thanks.”
The mission was simple. Go to Jupiter, mine the core’s surface for any minerals or potential fuel, and come back. Jerry had never been to Jupiter, and never really wanted to. The men that had been on Jupiter said that the weight was crushing, almost to the point that it was unbearable, and warned Jerry to be prepared. The anti-gravity suits just gave them enough leeway to move around. “Plus,” the man said, “It smells horrible.”
Jerry had to admit, he was a little worried—especially after seeing the photos of The Flea, a once sturdy spacecraft that was mangled in the gravity of Jupiter due to the smallest chip in its protective layers. It had enough left in its fuel to barely come back, crushed beyond recognition.
Jerry shook those thought aside. There’s no use worrying myself. Confidence is key, he thought.
“Jerry, what if I did something wrong?” Benedict asked Jerry. “Especially with the risky route through the asteroid belt?”
Jerry sighed. “Please don’t worry me anymore. Anyway, the only thing this spacecraft couldn’t withstand is a fluke, direct hit to the window. This thing is designed for Jupiter, you shouldn’t be worried. This is indestructible.”
“Isn’t that what they said about the R.M.S. Titanic?”
“Yeah,” Jerry chuckled.
“And didn’t the Titanic, like, sink or something?”
“Yes.”
Benedict looked frustrated. “Then we could be saying the same thing, and we could sink, I mean, crash, too.”
Jerry snorted. “Our definition of ‘indestructible’ has changed over the past, say, almost two-hundred years.”
“Well, if you say so.”
An hour later, Jerry began to get hungry. He got freeze-dried ravioli out of a supply cabinet, and it smelled horrible. I don’t know how the old-time astronauts could eat this stuff, Jerry wondered as he popped the ravioli into a hydroheater. Three and a half minutes later, the smell of fresh tomato sauce and meat hung in the air. The ravioli didn’t stand a chance, as it was quickly devoured by Benedict and Jerry.
After dinner (and an experiment of eating freeze-dried ice-cream sandwiches that failed horribly), Jerry decided to take a little nap after he used mouthwash (stupid “ice cream”) the final time. When he woke up, he decided that he would give Greg a status update. With the light drift of the spacecraft, Jerry quickly and easily nodded off to sleep.
****
May 4th, 12:15 AM
“Jerry.” Benedict’s voice sounded distant to Jerry. “Jerry!” Now his voice sounded urgent.
“Wha-” Jerry asked groggily while looking around.
“Where is the highdefinitionhyperphotoncapturer?”
No answer from Jerry.
Benedict tried again. “You know, the thing old-time people in the 1900s called cameras or whatever?”
Still no answer from Jerry, and Benedict tried one more time.
“I really want to take a picture of the asteroid belt that we are going through,” Benedict said, rummaging through his bag.
There was still no answer. Benedict looked up, and saw Jerry diving for the manual control station. He leaned to look out the window, and he groaned. Jerry was attempting to steer away from a huge asteroid the size of the White House, which was hurtling towards the ship.
******
CRRNCHH.
They had crashed with the ship. Crunched, to be more accurate, considering the noise it made while colliding.
Jerry analyzed the damage. A large, bumpy dent was caving in the ship. Benedict was screaming, (Note to self—bring duct tape for next mission with Benedict) and visible, yellow gas pouring out of a broken pipe. Though they were strapped in, the 360o spins were a little unpleasant. Jerry didn’t want to give up another mac ‘n’ cheese meal to Benedict’s weak stomach.
Jerry had been trained to keep calm in situations like these. Of, course, it’s hard to concentrate when the holoscreen was constantly speaking in a robotic tone and flashing “DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!” But, before he could do anything, more important matters had to be taken care of.
“BENEDICT! SHUT UP!” Jerry roared.
Jerry pressed the auto-stabilizer button, and the spinning ship corrected itself. He looked over. Benedict was clutching his chair with a death grip.
“Everything will be fine. The ship is sensing its nearest supply of a huge amount of iron, which should be Earth. We still have plenty fuel to head back.” He took a deep breath. “OK. Everything will be fine. Now, what was the cause of the crash?”
“The meteorite?”
“No, the reason we crossed paths with it in the first place.”
“Oh.” Benedict checked something on the holoscreen computer. “Well,” he said sheepishly, “I typed in seventy—eight point three degrees, instead of sixty—eight point three degrees.
There was a moment of silence were Jerry glared at Benedict.
“Well,” Benedict tried to change the subject. “Can’t we use the emergency radio?”
“The collision easily knocked out the radio transmitter,” Jerry said coolly.
“Indestructible ship indeed,” Benedict muttered, walking back to his seat.
“Unless it hits the window, which, if I am not mistaken, it did.” Jerry walked back to his seat.
“Only because you turned into it!” Benedict snapped back. Jerry turned around.
“It was instinct.”
“Whatever,” Benedict rolled his eyes while Jerry glared.
Jerry happened to glance at the fuel meter. He couldn’t believe his eyes. “There is only one minute of fuel,” Jerry yelled.
Naturally, Jerry didn’t want to drift around in space forever. He looked around space and the ship for any sort of loophole. Suddenly he looked out the window and saw it. A blood-red figure rose into sight. The only place he had wanted to go to. It was a miracle. “Oh, great. We’re going to crash.”
******
May, 24th 12:21 AM
The gravity of the Red Planet combined with their own acceleration pulled them towards Mars’s surface. Jerry knew that there was only one thing that he could do. Abandon ship.
“Benedict! To the escape pod!”
Jerry was going to have to release the pod at just the right time. IF it released too high, they would be stuck in the orbit. Too low, and they would easily crash. Just right and the gravity would sort of “cushion” their landing and allow them to lower slowly down to the surface and figure out what to do.
Jerry counted in his head. 3…2…1…Now! He pressed the button, and they broke away from the main ship a hundred feet up in the Mars atmosphere. They watched the main ship fall and crash down to the surface. It would have undoubtedly killed them, but the ship was still fixable. Unfortunately, there were no “Ship-Mechanics” on Mars.
In the moment of relief, he had forgotten about landing. Auto-pilot was not on this ship, and after they had gotten their suits on, the ship fell. Jerry and Benedict were thrust across the pod. The pod will survive the fall, but will we, Jerry thought. All of the sudden, right before impact, they were thrown up and had fallen out of a hole in the pod. The emergency hatch had somehow unlocked (probably someone bumped it while tumbling), and through pure chance they had fallen through it. Unfortunately, the “accelerator” button had also been pushed, and when they struggled to get up, they saw the pod zoom away.
Jerry stood up. He knew he’d have bruises the next morning. If there even was a next morning, he thought.
The events of the previous few minutes had shocked Benedict, so luckily he wasn’t complaining. But, he was groaning. “I landed on a rock, right on my back. There’s already a bruise on my shoulder blade.
“Anyway, we have some walking to do if we will get that pod.”
“Hmm.” Jerry remarked. “Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.”
They began to walk along the trail of the escape pod.

Last edited by mythbusteranimator (2012-06-17 21:05:13)