Scratch

Some programming humor I found on the web, I'd appreciate any of yours!


Many of these jokes go beyond Scratch-based knowledge, but, as some of this community knows other languages, I thought I'd include those as well 

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually the programmer.

"The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants; instead of
referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given
that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant.
This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change."
- FORTRAN manual for Xerox computers

"Never put off until run time what you can do at compile time."
- David Gries, in "Compiler Construction for Digital Computers", circa 1969.

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.

Programming is 10% science, 25% ingenuity and 65% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.

Someone else's shell script I saw at work today was extensively commented, including this gem of non-information.

export PATH # Export path

I was helping a friend with some code. In the code, I found the line:

x = x;

and removed it. I made some further changes and send the code back to him. He told me he still had errors. So he sent me his code again, and again I found the same line. I asked him why he kept putting that in there, and he replied, "So x doesn't lose its value."

In college, I worked as a teaching assistant for an introductory programming language. For most of the people in the class, this was probably their first and only programming class.

One day, I was doing program code reviews with a handful of students. This one girl gave me her code, and, after looking at it, I asked why she had repeated a certain line twice:

let x = 7;
let x = 7;

She said, "Just in case it didn't get set right the first time."

When I was studying programming, one of my classmates was having serious troubles with his program. When he asked me for help, I leaned over his screen and saw all of his code in comments. The reason: "Well, it compiles much faster that way."

While working on a programming project in highschool with a friend, I mentioned to him that if he really wants to name his variables things like x, xx, and xx2, he should at least put comments saying what they're used for.

The next time I looked over his shoulder, I saw this:

int x; // x is an int

Days ago I had to fix a bug into our software. The person that originally wrote the module quit, so I had total control of the source code. I totally rewrote half of the code when I found things like:

switch (k) {
    case 9: printf("9\n");
    case 8: if (k==8) printf("8\n");
    case 7: if (k==7) printf("7\n");
    // and so on...
}

I wondered why he put the "if" clauses, but then I noticed that none of the cases has its "break" statement, so if he found that if k was 9, the program printed 9, 8, 7, etc. So I think he added the "if" clauses to fix that behavior.