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#1 2012-03-14 21:19:20
- vengefulabsol
- New Scratcher
- Registered: 2012-02-08
- Posts: 14
my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
A blue hedgehog looked around. His eyes were full of confusion, and he looked at everything around him as if a he were a foreigner. “Where am I?” He wondered, rubbing his aching head. “Blue Ridge Zone.” A taunting, and intimidating voice came from behind him. The hedgehog whirled around, stunned. Another hedgehog stood where he now looked. He was green with sapphire eyes clad in a biker jacket and red sunglasses wearing an almost casual smirk. “Listen, blue, what’re you doing here? Can’t you wait for a morning pummeling?” The blue hedgehog tilted his head in an owl-like manner. “Blue? Is that my name?” Now it was other hedgehogs’ turn to be confused. “No it’s no-“ He stopped himself. “Actually, it’s Cyan. Cyan the Hedgehog.” ‘Cyan’ grinned a bit and bowed as if the other were royalty. “Yeah, Cyan, I like it. What’s your name, Master?” The other hedgehog winked and declared “Scourge.” ‘Cyan’ ran up to him and bowed once more, looking stiffer than a statue. “Master Scourge, what shall I do for you first?” He couldn’t believe his luck. “Come with me and you’ll find out soon enough.” Scourge sniggered to himself dryly. Oh, yes. He thought, You’ll find out soon indeed.
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#3 2012-03-14 21:29:51
- bananaman114
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-03-15
- Posts: 1000+
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
Your writing talent is digressing
the sun still shines
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#4 2012-03-16 06:05:17
- vengefulabsol
- New Scratcher
- Registered: 2012-02-08
- Posts: 14
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
i was told 2 be less fancy -_-"
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#5 2012-03-16 08:41:27
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
The writing is actually pretty good.
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#6 2012-03-24 13:24:05
- XxrinandlenxX
- New Scratcher
- Registered: 2012-03-24
- Posts: 1
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
I agree with u it is good ^_^
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#7 2012-03-24 15:41:02
- OrangePuffle
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-02-21
- Posts: 100+
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
Eh… its decent
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#8 2012-03-24 15:44:25
- SplatKirby
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2012-03-22
- Posts: 100+
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
Keep going!
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#9 2012-03-24 16:02:15
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
fanfiction
i can never read it
just feels too weird
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#10 2012-03-24 17:17:59
#12 2012-03-24 18:33:32
- soupoftomato
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2009-07-18
- Posts: 1000+
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
From what you have wrote your plot development talent seems to be lacking. Generic Where-the-heck-am-I mixed with Generic-uberdeep-controlling-voice.
And unless you have a schizophrenic character playing both parts, you make a new paragraph when someone else starts to talk.
I'm glad to think that the community will always be kind and helpful, the language will always be a fun and easy way to be introduced into programming, the motto will always be: Imagine, Program, Share - Nomolos
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#13 2012-03-25 07:01:44
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
agscratcher wrote:
This describes my reaction to fanfiction.
that looks like "i enjoy this" or "yes"
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#14 2012-03-29 17:47:36
- knuckIes2001
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2012-03-10
- Posts: 6
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
Tails Doll. Needs some soul-sucken Tails Doll.
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#17 2012-03-29 18:29:24
- soupoftomato
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2009-07-18
- Posts: 1000+
Re: my sonic the hedgehog fanfiction(chapter 1)2nd try
A blue hedgehog looked around. His eyes were full of confusion, and he looked at everything around him as if a he were a foreigner. “Where am I?” He wondered, rubbing his aching head.
“Blue Ridge Zone.” A taunting, and intimidating voice came from behind him. The hedgehog whirled around, stunned. Another hedgehog stood where he now looked. He was green with sapphire eyes clad in a biker jacket and red sunglasses wearing an almost casual smirk. “Listen, blue, what’re you doing here? Can’t you wait for a morning pummeling?”
The blue hedgehog tilted his head in an owl-like manner. “Blue? Is that my name?”
Now it was other hedgehogs’ turn to be confused. “No it’s no-“ He stopped himself. “Actually, it’s Cyan. Cyan the Hedgehog.”
‘Cyan’ grinned a bit and bowed as if the other were royalty. “Yeah, Cyan, I like it. What’s your name, Master?”
The other hedgehog winked and declared “Scourge.” ‘Cyan’ ran up to him and bowed once more, looking stiffer than a statue.
“Master Scourge, what shall I do for you first?” He couldn’t believe his luck. “Come with me and you’ll find out soon enough.” Scourge sniggered to himself dryly. Oh, yes. He thought, You’ll find out soon indeed.
Assuming this is Mostly Cyan's perspective, how do we know the eye appearance if he is blocked by the sunglasses?
And uh, yeah, NO TESCHING.
and uh, this Cyan guy thinks he's SOOOO lucky he found a fishy character called Scourge to obey and call master.
Last edited by soupoftomato (2012-03-29 18:30:56)
I'm glad to think that the community will always be kind and helpful, the language will always be a fun and easy way to be introduced into programming, the motto will always be: Imagine, Program, Share - Nomolos
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