Scratch

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1. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

2. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

3. The road to success is always under construction.

4. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

5. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

6. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

7. How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits He's lost?

8. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

9. The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

10. Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.

11. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

12. You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!

13. Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

14. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

15. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Hope you enjoyed them! Some of these might have already been taken by Redrocker or other Scratchers. 

Last edited by Haiming (2012-03-17 18:48:46)