Scratch

Wickimen wrote:

I want to write something cool on my typewriter, but it's stuck on shift lock
So this sentence would be like
I WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING COOL ON MY TYPEWRITER? BUT IT'S STUCK ON SHIFT LOCK
Also it needs a new ink ribbon
Dang thing
I cracked my nails almost below the quick trying to punch in letters because I thought there was ink 
Pencil and pen isn't fun and I don't like staring at screens to write stuff much
Guess I'll go mope as usual
The best ideas usually come of that [/sarcasm]

Darn...ask your parents if you can get the typewriter fixed!
I hate writing with pen and paper.  If I lose privileges to the computer, I get mad because I can't write my stories, and Dad's always like, "Oh, just write with pencil and paper!  People did that for hundreds of years before the computer came along!"
What he doesn't get is that IT'S NOT THE SAME!!!

Alright, an update to my poem, which you can now find on Teen Ink!
http://www.teenink.com/forums?act=post& … d_id=63418

fireheartocean wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Wickimen wrote:

I want to write something cool on my typewriter, but it's stuck on shift lock
So this sentence would be like
I WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING COOL ON MY TYPEWRITER? BUT IT'S STUCK ON SHIFT LOCK
Also it needs a new ink ribbon
Dang thing
I cracked my nails almost below the quick trying to punch in letters because I thought there was ink 
Pencil and pen isn't fun and I don't like staring at screens to write stuff much
Guess I'll go mope as usual
The best ideas usually come of that [/sarcasm]

Darn...ask your parents if you can get the typewriter fixed!
I hate writing with pen and paper.  If I lose privileges to the computer, I get mad because I can't write my stories, and Dad's always like, "Oh, just write with pencil and paper!  People did that for hundreds of years before the computer came along!"
What he doesn't get is that IT'S NOT THE SAME!!!

I know! One time, I decided I was going to try it. So I did. It took so long, and the mistakes I made were hard to fix. I looked over it and decided it should be "padded" instead of plain old "ran". I had already made over a page, and that was at the start, so I had to redo the entire thing. After all that work, my dad spilled coffee on it and a bunch of my artwork. I had to throw them all away, including this one drawing I had been working on for weeks. D:

My grandma's typewriter has a switch you can push and it changes to typing in a white-out sort of thing.  Does yours have that?

PlutoIsHades wrote:

fireheartocean wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

Darn...ask your parents if you can get the typewriter fixed!
I hate writing with pen and paper.  If I lose privileges to the computer, I get mad because I can't write my stories, and Dad's always like, "Oh, just write with pencil and paper!  People did that for hundreds of years before the computer came along!"
What he doesn't get is that IT'S NOT THE SAME!!!

I know! One time, I decided I was going to try it. So I did. It took so long, and the mistakes I made were hard to fix. I looked over it and decided it should be "padded" instead of plain old "ran". I had already made over a page, and that was at the start, so I had to redo the entire thing. After all that work, my dad spilled coffee on it and a bunch of my artwork. I had to throw them all away, including this one drawing I had been working on for weeks. D:

My grandma's typewriter has a switch you can push and it changes to typing in a white-out sort of thing.  Does yours have that?

Oh, sorry, I meant pencil and paper (But not at school.) I've never gotten to try a typewriter, but I'd like to!

bananaman114 wrote:

I can only write with pen and paper
but my writing is terrible anyway :I

No it isn't D:

something I've been meaning to write for a while but never got the chance.

David:
This package was left on my doorstep this morning and I have no clue who from. It contained several pieces of paper stacked one upon the next, each with only one word written on them. It seems like drivel. You seem to be interested in this sort of thing and I bet you could figure it out.  The words are, as follows;
Mcflannagan
beard
alley
wall
door
Donalans
bolognaise
suspect
decapitation
chase
captive
help

Hope you can figure this one out- Allison
P.S. PLEASE don't tell my husband I sent this- he's been acting awful odd lately.


i'll write part two after you've had a chance to comprehend what's going on here. 

I'm going to post part two
ok now

David:
I am eagerly awaiting your reply- it would be nice to have some sort of corespondance- if you don't care about this then you can at least tell me. I want to figure this out!
In the time I've been waiting another package has landed at my door- this one more mesterious then the last. I'm beginning to worry. The words:
Allison
help
McKintay
hand
knife
pasta
hand
Mcflannagan
secret
cafe
butchers
murder
note
DAVID

Please reply David- this is scaring me.
Allison.

hurr hurr!

you are getting very very close.

David:
It's taken me all of my courage to get over what's happened today and send you this. I need help David, and you're the only person I know that can do it. My husband dissapeared this morning- what would be an everyday occurance exept for the fact that he works night shift now. I'm worried for him.
Another package arrived at my door this morning. It contained a disembodied hand as well as more words. They seemed to be scrawled and rushed. It is because of this I am in protective custody at the local police station. David- I'm worried for you.
And myself.
Of course, you'll need the words-
ALLISON
husband
McKintay
McFLANNAGAN
BOULEVARDq
KNIFE
HANDq
BLOOD
POLICE
HELP
bolognaise
murderer

Hoping to hear from you soon- Allison

I'm thinking of going back and fixing up the dialog in the last part a little.

Charade is spelt charade, not cherade.

imnotbob wrote:

In the forest, where I was taking my daily walk, I see a small tree house. There isn’t much on the interior—just a table, packs of loose leaf, lots of pencils, and chairs. The exterior is simple—it’s nothing more than a small wooden shack with a window. There isn’t even a door, but there are wooden planks leading up to an entrance.
    I didn’t expect anything to happen, in fact, I was about to leave when I saw somebody who must have seen me through the window.
    “What are you doing here?!” she screamed. She looked familiar. “Wait,” her face lightened. “Is it really you, Tracy? I haven’t seen you since seventh grade!”
    I paused for a minute to process everything that had happened. “Clarke?”
    “Yes! Give me a second,” she said. She went back inside the tree house and came out with a yellow slip. “You like writing, right?” She handed me the paper. It was a slip signed by the leader of the club. “You can’t get in without it,” she explained. I saw another page that gave me details of the club: dates, times, members, rules, etc.
    “You’d really let me in?”
    “Yeah. I own the club anyways. Right now we’re exchanging writing tips. Next meeting we’ll do introductions. See you there!” She smiled at me before going back inside to tell all the members that the meeting is over.
    “Thanks,” I say, barely audible.
    “I’m sorry for what I did,” she said as she got ready to leave. “I was an idiot.”
    “Clarke, I--” she walked off before I finished my sentence.

I'd really like some feedback. This is a part from the story I'm writing, How I Lost It All, Got It Back, and Lost It Again.

imnotbob wrote:

imnotbob wrote:

In the forest, where I was taking my daily walk, I see a small tree house. There isn’t much on the interior—just a table, packs of loose leaf, lots of pencils, and chairs. The exterior is simple—it’s nothing more than a small wooden shack with a window. There isn’t even a door, but there are wooden planks leading up to an entrance.
    I didn’t expect anything to happen, in fact, I was about to leave when I saw somebody who must have seen me through the window.
    “What are you doing here?!” she screamed. She looked familiar. “Wait,” her face lightened. “Is it really you, Tracy? I haven’t seen you since seventh grade!”
    I paused for a minute to process everything that had happened. “Clarke?”
    “Yes! Give me a second,” she said. She went back inside the tree house and came out with a yellow slip. “You like writing, right?” She handed me the paper. It was a slip signed by the leader of the club. “You can’t get in without it,” she explained. I saw another page that gave me details of the club: dates, times, members, rules, etc.
    “You’d really let me in?”
    “Yeah. I own the club anyways. Right now we’re exchanging writing tips. Next meeting we’ll do introductions. See you there!” She smiled at me before going back inside to tell all the members that the meeting is over.
    “Thanks,” I say, barely audible.
    “I’m sorry for what I did,” she said as she got ready to leave. “I was an idiot.”
    “Clarke, I--” she walked off before I finished my sentence.

I'd really like some feedback. This is a part from the story I'm writing, How I Lost It All, Got It Back, and Lost It Again.

I like the idea, and the writing is really good. The one thing I would suggest (other than maybe some grammar issues that I'm too lazy to find) is the introduction is a little bit sudden. Of course, since it's just a part of the story, it could just be because it's taken out of context or something.

EDIT TIME EDIT TIME 
In the forest, where I am taking my daily walk, I see a small tree house. There isn’t much on the interior—just a table, packs of loose leaf, lots of pencils, and chairs. The exterior is simple—it’s nothing more than a small wooden shack with a window. There isn’t even a door, but there are wooden planks leading up to an entrance. The narrator hasn't been inside the treehouse, so how does he or she know what the interior is like?
    I didn’t expect anything to happen. In fact, I was about to leave when I saw somebody who must have seen me through the window. The flow is a little weird because you said "saw" and "seen", I don't know, I don't think they sound good together. Perhaps change it to "who must have spotted me from the window"?
    “What are you doing here?!” she screamed. She looked familiar. Maybe you could change that to "I noticed that she looked familiar"?“Wait.” Her face lightened. “Is it really you, Tracy? I haven’t seen you since seventh grade!”
    I paused for a moment I don't think she'd pause for a full minute lolol to process everything that had happened. “Clarke?”
    “Yes! Give me a second,” she said. She went back inside the tree house and came out with a yellow slip. But she's already in the treehouse. How about "She vanished from sight and returned with a yellow slip"? “You like writing, right?” She handed me the paper. What, is she standing next to her now? If so, you never said so before, and should probably add that in It was a slip signed by the leader of the club. “You can’t get in without it,” she explained. I saw another page that gave me details of the club: dates, times, members, rules, and more. It's my personal rule never to use "etc" in a description.
    “You’d really let me in?”
Clarke says earlier that she has not seen Tracy since seventh grade, implying that was a while ago, but their dialogue seems more seventh/eighth grade. Unless this is meant to show Clarke's view of time passed, and she considers about a year to be a long time.
    “Yeah. I own the club, anyways. Right now we’re exchanging writing tips. Next meeting we’ll do introductions. See you there!” She smiled at me before going back inside to tell all the members that the meeting was over.
    “Thanks,” I say, barely audible.
    “I’m sorry for what I did,” she said as she got ready to leave. Wait, what? Didn't she just go back in? I'm confused. Perhaps you should make this clearer “I was an idiot.”
    “Clarke, I--” She walked off before I finished my sentence.

I'd really like some feedback. This is a part from the story I'm writing, How I Lost It All, Got It Back, and Lost It Again.


All in all, you did a nice job though. Suspense    I'd like to read more if you're willing to put any more up