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#1 2012-02-22 09:29:47
- Alternatives
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-16
- Posts: 1000+
Hello! Hello! Hello!
A song I'm working on. I'm still not sure if I'm 100% sure about the lyrics so I'm asking for feedback. After this I'm inserting chords.
In this song, I tried something different. Instead of writing my feelings or experiences, I wrote a story hidden in the song. See if you can figure it out.
you're powerful, disappointed and faithless
never cared enough to care
and then you say you're just a living example of honesty
that you're just not the kind of person to apologize
but in truth you are ferocious,
fierce, savage, cruel, wild and atrocious
and you have never cared for me at all
never cared for what I did
never cared for what I wanted to do
I need help!
God come help me!
I can't
handle this on my own...
no more sorrow!
sun is shining again
hello! hello! hello!
I flew through doors
I broke through windows
I knocked on floors
to be here with you
darkness returning
monsters in my head
I can't attack
can't fight back
muscles not working
I am vulnerable
I need help!
Need guidance!
God help me now!
I can't handle this on my own...
then You appear
out of Nowhere
You destroy the madness in my head
You look me in my eyes and You say
"I came to take you away"
Feedback please :D
Last edited by Alternatives (2012-02-22 11:29:20)
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
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#2 2012-02-22 09:49:54
- Laternenpfahl
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2011-06-24
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
LOVE IT! 
This will be probly da best song by a scratcher.
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#3 2012-02-22 09:52:56
- veggieman001
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-02-20
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
Laternenpfahl wrote:
This will be probly da best song by a scratcher.
:'(
<//3
This is great.
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#4 2012-02-22 09:55:19
- Alternatives
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-16
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
Thanks guys, and veggie has got fantastic songs.
I'm trying to see if I can get better wording in the intro as well. I don't like the first part of the song that much.
Any one want to try and maybe take a guess at the hidden story?
Last edited by Alternatives (2012-02-22 09:57:34)
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
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#5 2012-02-22 09:56:47
- veggieman001
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-02-20
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
Person #1 leaves person #2, who goes insane until some guy comes and takes him away.
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#6 2012-02-22 10:00:39
- Alternatives
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-16
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
veggieman001 wrote:
Person #1 leaves person #2, who goes insane until some guy comes and takes him away.
>:I
way to make a complex story completely simple
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
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#7 2012-02-22 10:01:18
#8 2012-02-22 10:11:49
- Alternatives
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-16
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
I've come up with a possible new intro, what do you guys think?
you're powerful, disappointed and faithless
never cared enough to care
and then you say you're just a living example of honesty
that you're just not the kind of person to apologize
but in truth you are ferocious,
fierce, savage, cruel, wild and atrocious
and you have never cared for me at all
never cared for what I did
never cared for what I wanted to do
Last edited by Alternatives (2012-02-22 10:28:00)
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
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#9 2012-02-22 10:15:50
#10 2012-02-22 10:26:12
- Alternatives
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-16
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
veggieman001 wrote:
you're
I like it
Thanks for the grammar help, good sir.
Do you like it more than the first one?
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
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#12 2012-02-22 10:29:35
- Alternatives
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-16
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
I like it more as well. The original intro was kind of cliche.
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
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#13 2012-02-22 10:31:14
#14 2012-02-22 11:31:51
- RedRocker227
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2011-10-26
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
Sounds good.
Why
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#15 2012-02-22 14:24:34
- ProgrammingFreak
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-04
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,
Is it something we are allowed to talk about on here? Not that it's inappropriate, but we aren't for other reasons....
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#16 2012-02-22 14:39:36
- Alternatives
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-16
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
ProgrammingFreak wrote:
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,
Is it something we are allowed to talk about on here? Not that it's inappropriate, but we aren't for other reasons....
Its nothing inappropriate or not allowed.
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
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#17 2012-02-22 14:54:13
- ProgrammingFreak
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-04
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
Alternatives wrote:
ProgrammingFreak wrote:
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,
Is it something we are allowed to talk about on here? Not that it's inappropriate, but we aren't for other reasons....Its nothing inappropriate or not allowed.
Hmmm okay. I was thinking religious or something.
And you're shamble's cousin? D:
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#18 2012-02-23 07:42:50
- Alternatives
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-16
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
ProgrammingFreak wrote:
Alternatives wrote:
ProgrammingFreak wrote:
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,
Is it something we are allowed to talk about on here? Not that it's inappropriate, but we aren't for other reasons....Its nothing inappropriate or not allowed.
Hmmm okay. I was thinking religious or something.
And you're shamble's cousin? D:
Yeah, I am. He's my aunt Jalize's son :3
Hmm, yeah it is religious.
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
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#19 2012-02-23 09:24:12
- ProgrammingFreak
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-04
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
Alternatives wrote:
ProgrammingFreak wrote:
Alternatives wrote:
Its nothing inappropriate or not allowed.Hmmm okay. I was thinking religious or something.
And you're shamble's cousin? D:Yeah, I am. He's my aunt Jalize's son :3
Hmm, yeah it is religious.
Cool.
Ah, okay.
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#20 2012-02-23 10:34:48
- Alternatives
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-09-16
- Posts: 1000+
Re: Hello! Hello! Hello!
bump
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
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