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#1 2012-02-16 07:35:38

ssss
Scratcher
Registered: 2007-07-29
Posts: 1000+

Poem I made?

No, Chuck Norris Wrote it.  'Course I wrote it.

Can you see the light ahead of you, or do you see the dark?
Do you see what hit’s you, like a ball in the park?
Do you want to start, the fight of uber-fights?
Do you want to be known as, the master of the nights?
Take a time to observe, the pain in someone’s eyes,
The depth of someone’s truth, is displayed in sighs.

I listened closely to the wind,
Saying I have sinned,
I whisper quietly to it,
Why don’t you ever quit?

I’ve stuff my life,
I’m in strife,
I killed the minister, Prime.
I committed the evilest crime.
So Why don’t you ever quit?
The conscious of my mind, it seems,
Has made me repent my themes.


Hey.  It's me SSSS, back from the dead!  smile

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#2 2012-02-16 14:07:40

werdna123
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-06-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: Poem I made?

Not bad, but some of the lines seem too short to sound good.  hmm

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#3 2012-02-16 15:58:32

12three
Scratcher
Registered: 2008-06-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: Poem I made?

dont be willing to sacrifice clarity for rhyming, for example:
I killed the minister, Prime.
I committed the evilest crime.

like i had to read that more than once to figure out you were talking about the 'prime minister'

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#4 2012-02-16 16:35:28

Necromaster
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-04-07
Posts: 1000+

Re: Poem I made?

Huh. That's all I will say.

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#5 2012-02-16 17:27:08

Greenatic
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-05-03
Posts: 1000+

Re: Poem I made?

Nice.  It actually sounds like it would work really nicely as song lyrics.   smile

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