Scratch

Very nice. A palace in a cave though?

veggieman001 wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

in all sincerity it's actually going to be an exerpt from a longer story but it goes well on it's own

"Sir? Excuse me, sir?" she asked, nervously walking into the cave.

"No need for such formal titles, my girl." the man replied. "Now do sit down with me in my dining room".

Unless her vision was decieving her, she could see that there was clearly nothing but an empty cave here. She followed the man, and sat down where he did.

"Welcome to my palace, my young girl. Isn't it magnificent?"

"Yes, si-" she began to respond, as manners would dictate she should.

"Now what have I told you about that name?" the man replied in a voice that was sweet as honey yet bitter as the wasp that guards it.

"What can I call you?"

"I have gone by many names over the years, my dear. The first was fate, in the days of the foolish Greeks who brought about their own demise. They gave me such power with that name! The second was Destiny, from those who were smart enough to see me in eras not to far from our own. And now, they call me Coincidence, shrugging me off as if I was Nothing! I am the strings that bound all life, and I play it as a tune! Do you know how easy it would be for me to-" the wasp inside the man readied its stinger, as if preparing to attack "-to wipe them off the face of the Earth! Now I suppose you've come to retrieve me to save this dying planet. I won't I tell you I won't. I am retiring to a much nicer place, just through that door. "

He gestured to a solid stone wall of the cave.

Have you ever tasted a wasp? I can tell you, unfortunately from experience that they are not the most pleasant animal to have slide down your throat into your digestive tract. This man's ranting, tasted like this to Madelin. Bitter and disgusting, but powerful. There was nothing else like it.

what do you think
i made half of that up as I went but 

in case you can't figure out what's going on here this man is quite delusional

but he is in fact telling the truth

Besides this typo, this is BLOODY AMAZING YOU ROCK

I'm sorry but I was typing quite fast and I didn't have time to correct everything

veggieman001 wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

veggieman001 wrote:

Besides this typo, this is BLOODY AMAZING YOU ROCK

I'm sorry but I was typing quite fast and I didn't have time to correct everything

It's okay I still lovs you

  are there any problems with it

bananaman114 wrote:

"I have gone by many names over the years, my dear. The first was fate, in the days of the foolish Greeks who brought about their own demise. They gave me such power with that name! The second was Destiny, from those who were smart enough to see me in eras not too far from our own. And now, they call me Coincidence, shrugging me off as if I was Nothing! I am the strings that bound all life, and I play it as a tune! Do you know how easy it would be for me to-" the wasp inside the man readied it's stinger, as if preparing to attack "-to wipe them off the face of the Earth! Now I suppose you've come to retrieve me to save this dying planet. I won't I tell you I won't. I am retiring to a much nicer place, just through that door. "

Anyway, I personally loved this.  I'm not sure about "the wasp inside the man readied... preparing to attack" part, but the rest is great!  I noticed you capitalized "Nothing".  While it helps convey the mood (not sure about grammatical-correctness of it though), does this mean that "Nothing" will be personified too?

Oh my God. Love you're writing style, never read anything quite like this. Especially liked the references to a wasp.

Brilliant.

Liru wrote:

Actually you never say it's when referring to something which belongs to something you are calling it, it's only means it is.

:)

Liru wrote:

veggieman001 wrote:

Liru wrote:

Actually you never say it's when referring to something which belongs to something you are calling it, it's only means it is.

I was confused, thought you were highlighting a word you thought he spelt wrong.

Oh okay

This isn't half-bad.

MoreGamesNow wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

"I have gone by many names over the years, my dear. The first was fate, in the days of the foolish Greeks who brought about their own demise. They gave me such power with that name! The second was Destiny, from those who were smart enough to see me in eras not too far from our own. And now, they call me Coincidence, shrugging me off as if I was Nothing! I am the strings that bound all life, and I play it as a tune! Do you know how easy it would be for me to-" the wasp inside the man readied it's stinger, as if preparing to attack "-to wipe them off the face of the Earth! Now I suppose you've come to retrieve me to save this dying planet. I won't I tell you I won't. I am retiring to a much nicer place, just through that door. "

Anyway, I personally loved this.  I'm not sure about "the wasp inside the man readied... preparing to attack" part, but the rest is great!  I noticed you capitalized "Nothing".  While it helps convey the mood (not sure about grammatical-correctness of it though), does this mean that "Nothing" will be personified too?

yes it does my friend
and yeah i was kind of unsure of that part as well

and to clarify i'm just assuming what a wasp would taste like ok

and yes i know som ppl eat roasted insects 

also, i never said wasps make honey

i said a wasp would be guarding the honey!

say there's a copious amount of honey strewn across a tabletop
and you have a wasp (which are, in general, more vicious then bees) hovering around it

and it starts doing whatever wasps do to the honey

and you try to lick the honey off of the table and you come across the wasp
and you get relatively close to it

i don't think the wasp would bee too happy if you were to run into it's head

and yeah this was in about 12 minutes for the entire thing, even the plot :I

Liru wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

i don't think the wasp would bee too happy if you were to run into its head

Best pun ever bro.

lol that was a typo 

i didn't notice that
but that's interesting that i did that

bananaman114 wrote:

MoreGamesNow wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

"I have gone by many names over the years, my dear. The first was fate, in the days of the foolish Greeks who brought about their own demise. They gave me such power with that name! The second was Destiny, from those who were smart enough to see me in eras not too far from our own. And now, they call me Coincidence, shrugging me off as if I was Nothing! I am the strings that bound all life, and I play it as a tune! Do you know how easy it would be for me to-" the wasp inside the man readied it's stinger, as if preparing to attack "-to wipe them off the face of the Earth! Now I suppose you've come to retrieve me to save this dying planet. I won't I tell you I won't. I am retiring to a much nicer place, just through that door. "

Anyway, I personally loved this.  I'm not sure about "the wasp inside the man readied... preparing to attack" part, but the rest is great!  I noticed you capitalized "Nothing".  While it helps convey the mood (not sure about grammatical-correctness of it though), does this mean that "Nothing" will be personified too?

yes it does my friend
and yeah i was kind of unsure of that part as well

and to clarify i'm just assuming what a wasp would taste like ok

and yes i know som ppl eat roasted insects 

also, i never said wasps make honey

i said a wasp would be guarding the honey!

say there's a copious amount of honey strewn across a tabletop
and you have a wasp (which are, in general, more vicious then bees) hovering around it

and it starts doing whatever wasps do to the honey

and you try to lick the honey off of the table and you come across the wasp
and you get relatively close to it

i don't think the wasp would bee too happy if you were to run into it's head

and yeah this was in about 12 minutes for the entire thing, even the plot :I

wiimaster wrote:

Really good! I have a huge problem though- wasps don't make honey. Bees do.

bananaman114 wrote:

Liru wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

yes it does my friend
and yeah i was kind of unsure of that part as well

and to clarify i'm just assuming what a wasp would taste like ok

and yes i know som ppl eat roasted insects 

also, i never said wasps make honey

i said a wasp would be guarding the honey!

say there's a copious amount of honey strewn across a tabletop
and you have a wasp (which are, in general, more vicious then bees) hovering around it

and it starts doing whatever wasps do to the honey

and you try to lick the honey off of the table and you come across the wasp
and you get relatively close to it

i don't think the wasp would bee too happy if you were to run into it's head

and yeah this was in about 12 minutes for the entire thing, even the plot :I

wiimaster wrote:

Really good! I have a huge problem though- wasps don't make honey. Bees do.

i never said wasps make honey
i know for a FACT that they do not

That's what I just said, I wouldn't quote you on something which'd answer my questions.